Adjustment Guidance Nagoya Therapist

19/01/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

In a world driven by comparison, it can feel almost automatic to measure our worth against someone else’s success, productivity, appearance, or perceived emotional resilience. But comparison is a flawed metric for growth. It ignores context and does not take into account all the invisible challenges people carry. When you use others as your benchmark, you amplify your inner critic and dismiss your inner champion. Being your own benchmark shifts the focus away from other’s progress and locks us into our own purpose. What we need to do to succeed and be our most authentic and elevated self is not what others have done but instead is unique to our specific life. When we measure ourselves against our own baseline, we begin to notice meaningful changes and moments of success that comparison would otherwise erase. This approach at first can feel uncomfortable or even self-indulgent because it requires us to acknowledge small wins. It challenges the narrative that what you are doing is “not enough” or that others have it better and are accomplishing more.

Being your own benchmark for some can feel like lowering standards, but in reality, it is about being fair with yourself and others. A realistic benchmark takes into account our individual capacity and accounts for our stress load, and emotional resources. When others are our benchmark, we only have the part of the story we see. When we are our own benchmark, we have unfettered access to our origin story and everything it took to get to where we are now. That depth of understanding allows us to craft a customized strategy for getting to our next level and beyond with authenticity and durability. When we compare ourselves to others, we pull away from who we truly are and limit our ability to see our gifts and strengths. Our individuality is a super power because we all have gifts and talents that are unique to use and when we are our own benchmark the focus becomes developing our individuality and singularity which increases our value. We should not be striving to achieve a carbon copy of someone else’s success but rather a form of success that fits our life and temperament.

A big step in becoming our own benchmark involves identifying internalized rules about success and worth. Another part of the processes is unpacking what we have learned about progress and success. Both are incremental and are often made up of slow changes rather than dramatic or big jumps. Understanding this allows space for a more sustainable form of growth. It also creates space for us to develop a strong sense of self-respect. Being your own benchmark honors your lived experience and acknowledges that growth looks different for everyone. When you track progress based on your own values and starting point, you create room for genuine change rather than constant self-judgment. This process is not about becoming someone else. It is about becoming more fully yourself, at your own pace, on your own terms. Living a life custom built for your happiness, growth, and joy is the highest form of success anyone can achieve and the surest way to have more good days than bad.

12/01/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

Life is unpredictable. Even when things are going well, unexpected stress, loss, change, or disappointment can arise without warning. Emotional resiliency dictates how well we navigate life’s expected and unexpected bumps in the road. Our emotional resiliency is what allows us to recover and continue moving forward with greater self-awareness and strength. Emotional resilience is not something you either have or you don’t; it is a skill set that must be learned, practiced, and strengthened over time. Emotional resiliency allows us to cope with stress, adversity, and emotional pain while maintaining—or regaining—psychological well-being. Resilient individuals still feel sadness, anger, anxiety, and grief, but they are better able to regulate these emotions, respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively, and adapt to changing circumstances. Resilience does not mean being emotionally tough or unaffected. It means being flexible, self-compassionate, and capable of handling difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them.

Without emotional resilience, even everyday stressors can feel unmanageable, contributing to anxiety, depression, burnout, and physical health issues. Emotional resilience acts as a protective factor. When our emotional resilience is high, we recover more quickly from setbacks, maintain healthier relationships, manage anxiety and emotional overwhelm, navigate change with greater confidence, and reduce emotional exhaustion and burnout. Resilience doesn’t eliminate pain, but it can prevent pain from defining your sense of self or your future. Many people struggle with resilience not because they are weak, but because of experiences that shaped how they learned to cope. A couple of barriers to a healthy level of emotional resilience are unprocessed trauma or chronic stress and perfectionism and harsh self-criticism. Other barriers are maladaptive survival habits, such as avoidance of difficult emotions or shutting down in the face of adversity. Other contributing factors that inhibit emotional resilience are a lack of emotional support or a belief that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness.

While resilience looks different for everyone, several core elements tend to support emotional strength, such as being able to identify, name emotions, and process emotions. When emotions are ignored or suppressed, they often intensify. Awareness allows choice and creates space to decide how you respond rather than react. Developing and practicing self-compassion involves responding to our struggles with understanding rather than judgment, especially during moments of failure or emotional pain. Self-compassion will improve your ability to soothe yourself when distressed and tolerate discomfort without becoming overwhelmed. Regulation skills help create space between emotion and action. When developing emotional resilience, keep in mind that resilience is strengthened through small, consistent practices rather than dramatic change. At the end of each day, practice naming the emotions you felt throughout the day without judging them. Start building a pause between feeling and responding, even if it’s just a few breaths. This will help you center yourself. Challenge inner critical voices with curiosity rather than compliance. Ask yourself why you are being hard on yourself and if harsh critiques really help. Create routines that support rest, movement, and nourishment. At the end of each day, try to take 15 to 30 minutes to just focus on your well-being. These exercises will help you become more resilient and less reactive, leading to more good days than bad.

05/01/2026

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

Even the most motivated and self-aware people face obstacles in their self-improvement journey and feel stuck. This is due in large part because of the small thoughts, behaviors, and emotions that undermine our growth often go unnoticed. We tend to be aware of negative self-talk that is obvious and disregard the smaller, quieter thoughts and patterns that hold us back. These thoughts are usually not obviously negative. One such thought pattern allows us to dismiss needing help or setting good boundaries. Not wanting to be a burden or to depend on others holds us back because no one succeeds on their own. Every successful person had help along the way. It is true that in life there are times we need to just push through, but if that becomes our default, we miss out on objective perspectives and support that can help us grow and reach the next level in our journey. The mindset of not being a burden robs us of mentorship and opportunities. Needing help to reach the next level is not being a burden; it’s being human. Being our best selves also requires us to have good boundaries and to be mindful of the people we surround ourselves with.

Naysayers or those who yuck our yum are not truly on our side. When we are trying to grow, it is important that we surround ourselves with like-minded individuals and those who give us positive feedback, optimism, and support. It is also important that we are protective of our time. If there are people in your life that waste your time or engage in behaviors you are trying to let go, more often than not letting them go will be a big part of leveling up. How we spend our time is the biggest behavioral factor to whether or not we succeed. We need to engage in behaviors that uplift us and keep us focused on our purpose. When we see ourselves backsliding in patterns that hold us back, we can always stop and reset. Being aware of the behaviors that hold us back starts with taking a personal inventory and asking yourself if your daily routine uplifts you and moves you forward. Think about the small incremental changes you can make to chip away at changes both big and small. When you find a behavior that is holding you back, ask yourself what gave birth to this behavior and develop new ways to cope or meet the need that the behavior is addressing. Being gentle with yourself can help behavioral changes stick and open the door to making the necessary emotional changes.

What drives the emotions that hold us back are our self-beliefs, our internal narratives, and our comfort with change. Excavating and comforting our core beliefs about ourselves is a process. It also not something that we only need to do once. At every new level in our life we need to take a personal inventory to ensure that we are updating our understanding of who we are. This is best achieved by observing our accomplishments and creating a positive narrative about how they were achieved. While it is true that every successful person had help along the way it is also true that every successful person had to do the work. Developing the habit of catching our moments and acknowledging our good work allows us to have positive beliefs about our ability to crate meaningful change and success. When we have an internal narrative of success and self-belief it makes change more manageable. Fearing change and the unknown is human. Knowing we can mange change and harness change for a better future makes that fear more manageable.

29/12/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

When we think about mental health, we often picture thoughts and feelings, but the body plays an equally important role. The mind and body are deeply interconnected, and when one is struggling, the other often follows. Understanding this connection can help us take more control of our overall well-being and identify small, meaningful changes that can make a big difference. Your body is constantly communicating with you. Fatigue, headaches, tight shoulders, and digestive issues can all be physical signs of emotional distress. When the nervous system stays in “high alert,” the body releases stress hormones that affect sleep, appetite, and mood. Sleep is one of the strongest predictors of mental health. When sleep is disrupted, the emotional centers in our brain become more reactive, making it harder to regulate feelings or cope with daily challenges. Consistent, restful sleep supports memory, concentration, and emotional resilience. If our sleep is off, it’s often a sign our mental health needs attention, and improving our sleep can be a powerful first step toward feeling better.

What you eat also directly affects your brain chemistry. Diets high in processed foods and sugar can contribute to inflammation and mood instability, whereas a balanced diet rich in whole foods supports clarity and emotional balance. This doesn’t mean we need a perfect diet to have good mental health. It means making small, consistent choices gives your brain the nutrients it needs to function well. You don’t need radical diet changes or intense workouts to benefit your mental health. Even light movement like walking, stretching, or gentle yoga can reduce anxiety and improve mood by increasing blood flow and releasing feel-good chemicals like endorphins. Movement also helps the body process stress and return to a calmer, more regulated state. This is because the vagus nerve plays a major role in the mind-body connection. Light exercise creates rhythmic breathing, and adding practices like deep breathing, humming, or slow exhalation activates the vagus nerve, signaling safety to the brain and lowering stress levels. These techniques help shift our bodies into a calmer, more grounded mode.

When physical health is neglected for long periods—whether through lack of sleep, poor nutrition, minimal movement, or chronic tension—the body becomes less able to cope with emotional challenges. That’s why addressing physical habits is often a key part of promoting inner peace. Improving physical health doesn’t require massive lifestyle changes. It can be as simple as drinking more water, taking a ten-minute walk, stretching your shoulders during the day, or choosing one meal that nourishes you. These small shifts can meaningfully support better emotional health. Taking care of our body is an act of emotional self-care. When we approach changing our physical habits with compassion rather than pressure, we build a stronger foundation for mental well-being. If you find it difficult to break old patterns or understand what your emotions are trying to tell you, therapy can help you explore these connections and create a healthier, more balanced life—both physically and mentally.

15/12/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog:

Communication breakdowns don’t usually happen because people don’t care. It’s generally the opposite: when we care deeply, it becomes more challenging to truly hear and understand each other. Other complications for communication are stress, assumptions, emotional triggers, and even the fear of conflict. These complications can turn simple conversations into misunderstandings that leave everyone feeling frustrated or disconnected. Most breakdowns start when we’re speaking from a place of emotion rather than clarity. Breakdowns are usually most intense when we go into conversations not knowing what we want to achieve or what emotions we are feeling. Knowing these two things can make communication more intentional and focused. Understanding that the deeper the emotions and more complex the goal the longer the process needs to be before we engage is key. Having clarity about our feelings and desires ensures that we don’t get bogged down in litigating trivial facts and small details.

While we are processing what we feel and what we want, we should be careful not to make assumptions about how anyone would respond to our desires, thoughts, or feelings. Letting go of assumptions allows for a clean slate when talking and protects against historical resentments. Letting go of assumptions means being sure that we ask for clarity, especially if old conversation patterns emerge. Asking for clarification signals openness and reduces the likelihood of reacting to something the other person didn’t actually say. Asking what they meant rather than assuming we know their intention creates safety and space that allows everyone to express their true intentions. Another thing that can create safety and space is limiting the use of adverbs of frequency, such as always and never. Framing our experience around ourselves ensures that we are not attacking the other person but rather sharing our lived experience and the impact actions have on us. “I” statements help keep conversations grounded in personal experience rather than blame.

Active listening limits breakdowns because many breakdowns happen when people don’t feel listened to. Letting the other person speak without interruption increases feelings of being heard. Reflecting back what you heard them say, clarifying what you understand their intention to be, and asking if you got it right will reduce misunderstandings. This will dramatically reduce conflict because it validates the other person’s experience. This also allows clarity around the intentions that tones, words, or approaches to certain topics have. Identifying how things land can ensure that triggering tone, words, and approaches don’t instantly shut down communication because they activate past hurts or unresolved fears. Clarity on intentions helps prevent past hurt from driving the present communication. Even with the best intentions, communication will occasionally break down. What matters most is how you repair it. Repair isn’t about assigning fault—it’s about reconnecting so the conversation can move forward.

09/12/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/de-escalating-anxiety-practical-tools-to-regain-your-peace/

Anxiety can come on unexpectedly and quickly. Anxiety strikes cause body tension, racing thoughts, and feelings of being overwhelmed. Some signs of anxiety are a tight chest, a sense of dread, difficulty concentrating, or an urgent need to escape the situation. Learning how to de-escalate anxiety will ensure that it does not take over the rest of day. At its core, anxiety is an early warning alarm system. Anxiety’s purpose is to alert us to danger and protect us, but sometimes this protector becomes overly sensitive, going off even when there’s no real danger. Thankfully, there are proven strategies to help turn that alarm back down and regain a sense of control, starting with the body. When anxiety escalates, our bodies shift into fight-or-flight mode. Because of that, our physical state is often the quickest way to de-escalate. Paying attention to tension in the body, especially tension in the jaw, shoulders, and stomach can help target areas to relax. Unclenching the jaw and relaxing facial muscles, rolling shoulders down, and taking deep slow breaths can release tension in the body.

The next step is to disrupt intrusive thoughts. Using sensory distractors such as counting 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste can help bring us out of our heads and back into our bodies and into the present moment. Other sensory techniques include changing the temperature by holding a warm or cold object, focusing on the texture of your clothing or how your feet feel on the floor. Having an object to hold or having an object with a strong taste such as a mint or beverage will help refocus thoughts on our body and the present. Deep listening can also help. Focusing on what you can hear and searching for subtle noises refocuses the mind away from intrusive thoughts, as does our sense of smell. Carrying a sachet of a soothing smell that reminds us of safety and peace helps us connect to the brain’s emotional center and can help return our equilibrium. Using our senses, we can create the space necessary to break down intrusive thoughts.

For example, once we have the space, we can ask ourselves what is driving the intrusive thought. Is it driven by uncertainty, discomfort, feeling trapped, or something else? Once we know what is driving the anxiety, we can then take steps to alleviate the underlying issue. Once we regain clarity, we can respond rather than react. Once we have shifted gears and are no longer in a reactive space, we can examine what triggered the anxiety and why this particular trigger exists. Is it situational or connected to a deeper issue or unresolved past trauma? Understanding the root of anxiety allows us to craft a plan to resolve the root cause rather than being stuck is anxious cycles. True peace isn’t just the absence of anxiety—it’s the presence of clarity. Recognizing our personal anxiety triggers helps us to understand why we react the way we do. It also helps us to stop reacting and start using our toolkit to address the stressors and triggers in our life. We can break long-term patterns that make anxiety feel unmanageable. With the right tools and support, we can learn to de-escalate intense moments, calm our nervous system, and move through our days with more confidence, ease, and peace.

Anxiety can come on unexpectedly and quickly. Anxiety strikes cause body tension, racing thoughts, and feelings of being overwhelmed. Some signs of anxiety are a tight chest, a sense of dread, difficulty concentrating, or an urgent need to escape the situation. Learning how to de-escalate anxiety wi...

01/12/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/making-deep-connections-while-living-in-japan/

Being an expat in Japan can feel isolating, especially at this time year. Missing holiday traditions, old friends, and family often intensify feelings of loneliness and longing for deeper connections. Even though we are surrounded by people every day, we can still feel disconnected. Making deep, meaningful connections can be one of the more emotionally challenging parts of life here. There is a subtle emotional distance that makes it hard to have the type of sharing that builds intimacy. Over time, this can lead to a kind of quiet isolation, even while being technically “connected.” Because of this, it’s easy to slip into patterns of self-doubt (“Why can’t I make close friends here?”) or self-blame (“Maybe I’m not trying hard enough”). But the truth is, connection in Japan takes time. As an expat, connections are built differently than in our home countries. Connections build slower because there is the hurdle of overcoming pre-existing loss. Japanese nationals and expats alike need to know how long you intend to be in Japan. They need time to trust that you won’t just up and leave one day without any warning.

This can feel frustrating if you’re not used to having transparency about your future plans or if you’re unsure about how long you want to be in Japan or what you want out of your time here. Being able to talk about your intentions and expectations for life in Japan opens the door for deeper conversations and deeper connections. It also helps you find like-minded people. Finding people whose intentions match your own creates a path to friendship that is grounded in trust, understanding, and shared goals. A big part of this authenticity is the right amount of adaptation. Being you while fitting in is a balancing act. Deciding which cultural norms to adopt and which to let go is an important part of being your full self in a new cultural context. Allowing yourself time to explore and find the spaces you enjoy will provide opportunities to meet people with shared interests. This time of exploration will also help you get comfortable spending time on your own and discovering the new you. One of the gifts of being an expat is that you have the ability to choose who you want to be.

While you are seeking connections with others you should also be seeking to connect with yourself. Taking time to truly ground yourself and examine what you like about yourself and what you would like to change can ensure that the new connections you make are healthy. When you feel anchored internally, it becomes easier to reach out externally — to take the risk of being seen and to let others in. Seeking new connections gives us the space to reflect on what characteristics we value in our close connections. Crafting deep connections requires patience, vulnerability, and a willingness to grow in how we understand closeness. Over time, the effort pays off in relationships that are steady, loyal, and deeply meaningful. Connecting is about showing up for others as well as yourself. Showing up with an open heart, curious mind, and a willing spirit of adventure ensures that we are maximizing our existing connections while forming new ones. Knowing yourself will help you find your places of belonging.

Being an expat in Japan can feel isolating, especially at this time year. Missing holiday traditions, old friends, and family often intensify feelings of loneliness and longing for deeper connections. Even though we are surrounded by people every day, we can still feel disconnected. Making deep, mea...

24/11/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/how-to-stop-negative-self-talk-from-running-the-show/

We all have an inner voice, and sometimes it becomes a constant stream of comments and criticism about what we do, how we feel, and how we think. This voice can become our harshest critic, hitting where it hurts the most. When negative self-talk takes over, it can distort reality, fuel anxiety, and chip away at self-worth. It can feel like being tortured and create an internal world driven by fear and cruelty. The critical voice can take over and make us feel like we are less than and unworthy of happiness and incapable of success. It can convince us that things will never get better, but that is just another lie. With practice, we can learn that critical voice isn’t the ultimate truth, and we can learn to turn the volume down. We can get our objective mind back in the driver's seat and start to see ourselves for who we truly are. Once we are no longer driven by our inner critic, we can realize our true potential.

Here’s how to stop negative self-talk from running the show and to get our inner critic out of the driver’s seat. Sadly, ignoring it is not a viable option. Instead, I recommend paying attention to when our inner critic is at its worst. This will help us understand what our inner critic is trying to do. Does it speak up to stop you from doing things or come in after the fact to punish you for not being perfect? Is it trying to protect you or pushing you towards perfection? Knowing who the critic's co-pilot is can help you understand the goal. The critic is not there to harm you. It is trying to guide toward or away from something. It does this by exaggerating facts and blowing things up to be bigger than they are. The next time the critic speaks up, ask yourself, "what purpose does this serve? What is this comment meant to keep me from or push me towards?" Understanding the direction it is trying to move you can help you figure out the goals of this dysfunctional protective voice and develop better ways to keep yourself safe. To help support the process, challenge your inner critic to be constructive rather than just critical to build an internal evaluation system that is fair, balanced and helpful.

A negative statement is just hurtful, unconstructive criticism and serves no real value. Constructive criticism starts with an honest assessment of performance with the correct scope and scale. We very rarely “mess everything up”. We do from time to time let ourselves down or deliver less than our best. Ask yourself, "what don’t I like about what just happened?" Then try to answer with compassion or professionalism. The way you would answer if talking to someone you loved or a subordinate at work. Over time, this will retrain your internal critic to focus on what is productive rather than punishing you. Over time, this practice will rewire the brain toward balance and resilience, allowing you to recover from setbacks faster and with greater emotional stability. It also helps to build in a practice of acknowledging what you do well. It can help to celebrate your victories, shifting the focus away from criticism and towards positivity. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about recognizing and celebrating progress, not perfection. Over time, this helps retrain your brain to embrace fairness and balance rather than defaulting to the negative.

We all have an inner voice, and sometimes it becomes a constant stream of comments and criticism about what we do, how we feel, and how we think. This voice can become our harshest critic, hitting where it hurts the most. When negative self-talk takes over, it can distort reality, fuel anxiety, and....

17/11/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/living-with-high-functioning-anxiety-the-hidden-battle/

Struggling with anxiety is often a hidden battle. We often do a god job of hiding anxiety and looking like we have everything under control. We get up, go to work, meet deadlines, and keep our commitments. We smile, make small talk, and help others when they’re struggling. But inside, there’s a constant hum of worry. We don’t tell anyone about the tightness in our chest, muscle pain, sleepless nights, or racing mind that never seems to stop. We keep on functioning while anxious. We appear “fine” on the outside while managing a storm on the inside. Those who struggle with high-functioning anxiety often carry a heavy emotional load that others can’t see. The drive to perform well, to meet expectations, or to avoid disappointing others can mask deep feelings of fear and self-doubt. No-one knows that we are constantly replaying conversations, wondering if we said something wrong. That we feel tense, even in moments that we are supposed to be relaxing. That we are constantly overworking ourselves to prove our worth.

From the outside looking in, those with high functioning anxiety look organized and successful. Inside, they feel exhausted from the struggle to hold everything together with very little rest. Anxiety tricks us into believing that constant overthinking and overworking are the very things keeping us safe. The truth is this constant vigilance comes at a cost. The body stays in a state of alert, the nervous system rarely gets to rest, and the line between coping and burning out becomes dangerously thin. With managing functional anxiety, the goal isn’t to stop functioning but rather to learn how to function with more gentleness and awareness. By acknowledging that we are feeling anxious and anxiety is in the driver seat, we are taking the first step in changing our behaviors. Once we acknowledge that we are anxious, we can create space with de-escalation techniques. One helpful de-escalation technique is to take a break and ground ourselves. Once we are grounded, we can make a plan that increases our ability to feel safe.

Another helpful strategy is to let people in on how much we are struggling. While it may not be the best option to lean on co-workers, we can look for support from our intimate partner, family, or friends. Letting people in can give us a sounding board and extra support. Talking with a therapist or helpline can also give much needed support and an objective view of things that are causing anxiety. Objectivity and distance can really help when battling anxiety. Having an outside perspective helps us get out of our head and back into our body. Struggling with functional anxiety reflects a lot of mental strength. But that strength doesn’t have to come from pushing through pain. It can come from slowing down, setting boundaries, and allowing ourselves to be human. Everyone deserves to function from a place of calm and self-compassion. Everyone deserves to be treated kindly as we move through each day. We all deserve to be treated with compassion. This is especially true when talking about our internal lives and how we treat ourselves.

Struggling with anxiety is often a hidden battle. We often do a god job of hiding anxiety and looking like we have everything under control. We get up, go to work, meet deadlines, and keep our commitments. We smile, make small talk, and help others when they’re struggling. But inside, there’s a ...