Adjustment Guidance Nagoya Therapist

04/08/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/overcoming-self-loathing-reclaiming-your-inner-voice/

Self-loathing is more than low self-esteem. It's a deeply ingrained pattern of harsh self-judgment, shame, and often a belief that we're fundamentally flawed or undeserving. It manifests as negative thought loops created by an internal critic that doesn’t just point out our mistakes but attacks our worth entirely. This inner critic is loaded with all of our deepest and longest held insecurities that allow it to hit us where it hurts the most. Self-loathing attacks our well-being and happiness telling us we do are not deserving of the good in our life. This is because self-loathing is rooted in trauma, neglect, criticism, bullying, and internalized negative messages from caregivers, partners, and peers. Over time, we internalize those voices and begin to believe them as truth. But it is not the truth. Everyone is deserving of peace and happiness.

The first step in overcoming these negative narratives and resetting our inner critic is acknowledging where the harshest judgments come from. Also note when the voice is the loudest. Is it after a mistake? When you're alone? When someone compliments you? Once you are aware of when it strikes, you can be prepared to challenging the narrative. Constructive criticism gives us actions points whereas criticism on its own is just negativity. Criticism on its own does not help you grow, it makes you feel bad. Ask yourself if your thoughts are meant to help or meant to make you feel bad? Feeling bad does not serve you. Cruelty does not create growth.

Self-respect plays a big role in growth and big first step towards self-respect is saying no to the things that drain you or trigger negativity. Another is to make and keep a little promise to yourself every day. These small acts of self-respect and love will help you retrain your inner voice to be one that is focused on how to uplift yourself and promote peace. Remember to be kind and patient with yourself. Healing from self-loathing is not quick, and it’s not linear. But every time you choose to question that cruel voice instead of obeying it or treat yourself with respect, you’re taking a powerful step toward wholeness, peace, and well-being. You’re allowed to be a work in progress. You’re worthy of love, happiness, and peace.

Self-loathing is more than low self-esteem. It’s a deeply ingrained pattern of harsh self-judgment, shame, and often a belief that we’re fundamentally flawed or undeserving. It manifests as negative thought loops created by an internal critic that doesn’t just point out our mistakes but attack...

30/07/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/how-to-tell-if-youre-controlling/

If you have come to a place in your life where you are trying to figure out if you’re controlling are not, this indicates that your current way of doing things is not working. Most of us begin to wonder if we’re controlling when a partner complains about our behavior or when people push back on our idea when we’re just trying to be helpful, protective, or organized. But that’s how controlling behavior creeps in. It often happens slowly and is disguised as care or efficiency. A good way to start understanding the difference between care and control is to begin by reflecting on what makes you upset. If it upsets you when people make a decision you wouldn't make, this is a key indicator of a controlling nature. People with a controlling nature often experience others' independent choices as a personal insult, rejection, or threat. It is natural to want your opinions considered, but there's a difference between offering perspective and expecting compliance. If you find yourself repeatedly giving the same advice, getting frustrated when it's not followed, or framing demands as suggestions, you might be controlling rather than helping.

Another indicator of a controlling nature is monitoring others' behaviors and judging if you feel they are doing enough or behaving in an appropriate manner. A indicator of monitoring others' behaviors are thoughts like: "They should know better" or "After everything I've done for them". Feeling owed is a clear indicator that you're trying to control outcomes rather than simply being generous. While generosity and wanting to help are healthy, feeling responsible for managing everyone else's feelings crosses into controlling territory. If you find yourself walking on eggshells, managing information to avoid others' reactions, or feeling like you need to fix everyone's problems, you might be trying to control emotional outcomes. This might also indicate you are in abusive dynamics. Why you are being careful is important. It is quite common for people in abusive dynamics to indicate controlling behavior because they are trying to not trigger their abuser. Abuse survivors have a lot in common with people who have a controlling nature. Both are driven by the need to feel safe.

To successfully differentiate between being an abuse survivor, being in an abusive situation, or having a controlling nature begins with knowing that this isn't about shame. This is about awareness. Most controlling behavior stems from anxiety, past experiences, or genuine care that's become misdirected. The goal is to know what you are trying to prevent. Ask yourself if you are being supportive or being protective of yourself. What happens when you let the people in your life make their own mistakes? Before giving advice, ask yourself: "Is this my decision to make?" Keep in mind that healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and autonomy. The people you care about need space to be themselves, make their own choices, and even fail sometimes. That's not neglect, that's love. If the people in your life are holding you accountable for their outcomes, that is not healthy. You have the right to feel safe and not be responsible for anyone’s actions or outcomes other than your own. The only person we can truly control in ourselves.

If you have come to a place in your life where you are trying to figure out if you’re controlling are not, this indicates that your current way of doing things is not working. Most of us begin to wonder if we’re controlling when a partner complains about our behavior or when people push back...

15/07/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/moving-forward-after-the-relationship-ends/

The end of a relationship can feel like the bottom has fallen out of your world. Whether it ended abruptly or slowly unraveled over time, break ups are disorienting and heartbreaking. But, while heartbreak is painful, you can reclaim yourself and heal. The first step is to acknowledge the loss and allow yourself to grieve. Even unhealthy relationships are real, as are the emotions, the memories, and what could have been. Sit with the sadness. Allow yourself to feel but be sure you are not rewriting the story. Do your best not to idealize or demonize. Accept the relationship for what it was and embrace the good, the flawed, and the complicated. Healing begins with truth, and truth lives somewhere between fantasy and resentment.

As you let go of resentment and begin to heal, you will naturally begin to reclaim yourself. When we’re in a relationship, our identity often merges with our partner. This is why we often feel like we’ve lost a piece of ourselves after a breakup. Now is time to reconnect with who you are outside of that relationship. Get back in touch with the things you like, revisit hobbies, interests, and parts of yourself that may have faded. Change things up by redefining your daily rituals, change your bedding, rearrange your house or redecorate. Make your living space and life truly your own. Declutter your life and, if it helps, unfollow, block, or mute social media that reminds you of your ex. Set internal boundaries. Keep yourself safe and surround yourself with safe people.

Healing comes easier when we realize that we may not get closure in the way we imagine. They may never apologize. Don’t let their choices dictate your emotional landscape. You can get closure by deciding to stop needing their part of the story to finish yours. You don’t need their permission to move on. Let this by an opportunity to become whoever you want to be. Center yourself and bit by bit you’ll find clarity and healing. You aren’t broken. You are on the way to becoming someone new. Trust that more good days than bad are right around the corner. If you focus on yourself and let go of any expectations of how the other person should behave, you will find your peace.

The end of a relationship can feel like the bottom has fallen out of your world. Whether it ended abruptly or slowly unraveled over time, break ups are disorienting and heartbreaking. But, while heartbreak is painful, you can reclaim yourself and heal. The first step is to acknowledge the loss and a...

30/06/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/how-to-create-a-personal-culture-of-success/

Success is not just a goal; it’s a set of behaviors and a way of life. While external factors like luck, timing, and connections can influence outcomes, the foundation of long-term success is built from within. Creating a personal culture of success means developing intentional habits, values, and systems that support your growth and keep you aligned with your purpose. This process begins with defining what success means to you. This is because success is deeply personal. For some, it’s financial freedom. For others, it’s creative fulfillment, healthy relationships, or making a meaningful impact. Before you can build a culture of success, you must first define what it looks like for you. Take time to reflect on your values, goals, and the kind of life you want to lead. When your definition of success is rooted in authenticity, your actions will feel more purposeful and sustainable. Once you know what success means to you and the type of life you want to lead, you can begin to incorporate at least one or two activities a day that move you closer to your ideal life.

Having a daily routine that includes habits that propel you forward fosters and reflects a personal culture reinforced by a routine that is success focused. Small, consistent habits have a compounding effect over time. Wake up early if you’re most productive in the morning. Set aside time to read, exercise, reflect, or network. It should be things that move you closer to your goals. It can be whatever supports your vision of success. Habits are the invisible architecture of your life; the more intentional you are, the more aligned your results will be. It’s not just our routines that we need to update but also our social circles. It helps to surround yourself with growth-oriented people. The people you interact with influence your mindset, motivation, and behavior. Build a network of supportive, driven, and honest individuals who challenge you to grow. This doesn’t mean cutting people off, but it does mean being selective about who gets your energy. A personal culture of success thrives in environments of encouragement and accountability.

In addition to changing routines and tightening up your social circle, you need to make learning and adaptability a priority. Success is not a fixed destination, it’s a moving target. To stay on course, adopt a growth mindset. Be curious, ask questions, and treat failure as feedback. Read widely, take courses, seek mentorship, and stay open to change. The most successful people are lifelong learners who continuously evolve with the world around them and take time to time to highlight the small successes along the way. This is important because far too often, we only allow ourselves to feel successful when we hit big milestones. But real success is built on daily progress. Recognize your small wins, honor your effort, and take pride in the journey. This keeps motivation high and prevents burnout. Creating a personal culture of success means aligning your mindset, habits, environment, and relationships with the life you want to build. It’s not about perfection. It’s about purpose, progress, and persistence. When you cultivate this foundation intentionally, success becomes not just what you do, but who you are.

Success is not just a goal; it’s a set of behaviors and a way of life. While external factors like luck, timing, and connections can influence outcomes, the foundation of long-term success is built from within. Creating a personal culture of success means developing intentional habits, values, and...

26/06/2025

More good days than bad is possible!

Struggling with stress, anxiety, or life transitions? You don’t have to navigate it alone. At Adjustment Guidance, we offer compassionate, confidential therapy from the heart of Nagoya, tailored to help you find balance, clarity, and peace of mind.

Whether you're new to therapy or returning, our goal is simple:
To help you experience more good days than bad.

📍 Online sessions available
🗣️ Native English speaking therapist
📆 Flexible scheduling

👉 Book your first session today and take the first step toward better days. adjustmentguidance@yahoo.com

24/06/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/should-you-be-worried-about-dopamine-addiction/

Dopamine is one of the chemicals in the brain that let us know when we have done something right. Dopamine is also one of the chemicals that impacts motivation, memory, and positivity. The brain uses dopamine to help predict positive and negative future outcomes. Because of this, a lot of AI and online text therapy sources have started reporting “signs” of dopamine addiction. One of the reported symptoms of dopamine addiction is the seeking out of activities that provide immediate gratification but over the long run may have a negative effect. The person focusing on right now and lacking the ability to plan for the future is another reported sign of dopamine addiction. Sadly, this is misreporting as there is no science to support a diagnosis of dopamine addiction. This diagnosis has however become very culturally popular, but getting help for dopamine addiction can be difficult because, in clinical terms, addiction is a set of specific behaviors that can be attached to tangible things such as the internet, social media, and substances.

My view is that, by not focusing on the underlying motivator of addictive behaviors, we miss a key element of what is causing the addictive behaviors, being the desire to feel good and have relief from pain. Dopamine achieves this, and if we can develop healthy dopamine inducing behaviors, we can reduce destructive addictive behaviors. Something that will help with this is, when concerned about dopamine addiction, reflecting on the behaviors or outcomes that have you concerned. For the most part, we all get caught up in pleasure seeking behaviors that have negative outcomes. For example, we all eat too much, spend too much time on the internet, play too many video games, or spend too much money. When these pleasure seeking behaviors start to impede our ability to get to work on time or reach our goals is when they are truly problematic.

Overindulging is not definitive proof of an addiction. One of the signs of addiction that must be there for the clinical diagnosis of addiction is tolerance over time. Needing more of an item or experience to achieve the same effect as in the beginning stages of using or experiencing. For example, if watching 1 or 2 episodes was once satisfying but now it take 3 or 4 episodes to have the same level of satisfaction, that may be a sign of tolerance over time but cannot be viewed in isolation. Watching the tv must also be more important than other obligations and cause psychological pain when you do not watch the show. All 3 components are necessary for a diagnosis of addiction. It is important to rule out other causes of the behavior, such as anxiety and depression. If you think you might be struggling with addiction, reach out to a mental health expert and get an assessment. You don’t have to do this on your own.

https://adjustmentguidance.com/

Wellbeing & Mental Health Therapy Practice in Nagoya, Japan Adjustment Guidance is a private psychology practice providing counseling, therapy, career and executive development services since 2007. Our mission is to help you have more good days than bad. Our team of dedicated professionals is led by...

16/06/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/how-improve-your-emotional-resilience/

Our emotional resilience determines how capable we are when dealing with stress, trauma, or any type of adversity. How much emotional energy and creativity we have is in large part a reflection of how emotionally resilient we are. The more emotionally aware we are, the quicker we will be when identifying the factors that impact our emotional resiliency. For most people, the greatest contributor to their emotional resiliency is their ability to pivot. When we can pivot and shift our focus, we have a more resilient internal life because we are focused on problem solving and positive outcomes. When we consider our potential to create a positive outcome when faced with adverse dynamics and trauma, we become more resilient.

Knowing that we have some power no matter the dynamic allows us to see what we can do to impact outcomes and how we can pivot. The only person’s actions we can control are our own. Embracing our power begins with working the problem even when we are scared, feeling defeated, and anxious. This means having an internal dynamic that says "I’m scared but that is not going to stop me from looking for solutions." This process can be aided by problem solving before going into any situation. For example, before starting a new job, knowing what you need to thrive in challenging work situations but also knowing what would make you want to leave a job. The same goes for relationships. In addition to knowing what would make you want to leave a situation, you also need to know how you will leave.

Owning your boundaries and respecting when enough is enough for you increases emotional resilience because you owning your power. Knowing that you can say enough and leave toxic dynamics improves our resiliency because we no longer have the expectation that we should suck up whatever negative dynamics we find ourselves coping with. Knowing we can leave and having a strategy for how we will leave is empowering. We don’t have to be stuck where we are at being drained for all of eternity. We can chose to change our life. The shift from settling to thriving can be challenging, but we can make the shift. Embracing that we deserve to have a peaceful internal life and an abundance of emotional resilience is a big step towards making the changes necessary to have more good days than bad.

Our emotional resilience determines how capable we are when dealing with stress, trauma, or any type of adversity. How much emotional energy and creativity we have is in large part a reflection of how emotionally resilient we are. The more emotionally aware we are, the quicker we will be when identi...

13/06/2025

🌤️More Good Days Than Bad – It Is Possible

Life isn’t always easy, but you don’t have to go through it alone. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or simply not like yourself, therapy can help you move toward healing, growth, and balance.

At Adjustment Guidance, we’re here to help you create a life with more clarity, more strength, and more good days than bad.

✨Compassionate, confidential, one-on-one support

✨Specializing in anxiety, depression, trauma, and life transitions

Let’s talk. Your better days are waiting. Book now adjustmentguidance@yahoo.com

*All sessions conducted via Zoom
Located in Nagoya, Japan

27/05/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/show-up-for-yourself-and-change-your-life/

Showing up for ourselves looks different for each person. In fact, it looks different from day to day. This is because what we need to go after our heart's desire needs to fit with what we need to do to survive. A big part of showing up for ourselves is about creating a stable base. Realizing that we need stability and that creating stability is an important aspect of showing up for ourselves is life changing. Having stability builds confidence and makes room for optimism and hope. Knowing that you are worthy of stability can be a process especially for people who grew up in chaos. Looking back on our youth, we can recognize if we are playing out historical trauma. For those who grew up in chaos, stability can feel very unsafe. For those who grew up in a very strict home with lots of judgement and expectations, stability can feel like it is not enough. Understanding how historical trauma or historical patterns can undermine goal setting unlocks our ability to course correct and create stability.

The process of looking at our history to understand our present is a big step in the right direction for showing up for yourself. Once we know the barriers to creating and enjoying stability, we can deconstruct them. Creating stability is how we start to take steps toward our goals and get used to showing up for ourselves. Assessing how stable our lives are can snap us out of autopilot and reconnect us to our present. This can be scary because looking at where we are now can be disappointing. I promise you it is worth it. It is often through our dissatisfaction that the greatest changes occur.

Identifying what is dissatisfying in your life will guide you in the work to discover what you want. Creating space to daydream and think about what your fully activated self looks like gives us a rough draft for the life we need to be the person we want to become. Focusing on the steps necessary to be who you want to be is showing up for yourself. Taking risks and moving through life with purpose will move us closer to our goals. Moving with purpose unlocks our potential and our creativity. Developing a positive inner voice focused on what you can be and the life you want to live will help you stay on the path to achieving your ultimate goals. It takes practice, and sometimes having a journal or note taking system can help stay on track. I promise that when you show up for yourself you will have more good days than bad. You will become the architect of your future.

Kisstopher Musick PhD Psychology
https://adjustmentguidance.com/

Wellbeing & Mental Health Therapy Practice in Nagoya, Japan Adjustment Guidance is a private psychology practice providing counseling, therapy, career and executive development services since 2007. Our mission is to help you have more good days than bad. Our team of dedicated professionals is led by...

19/05/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/being-an-agent-of-change-in-your-life/

If you are having more bad days than good, you have the power to change this. The first step is to own your power. This is something a lot of people struggle with because to fully own your power means to fully accept that your choices are why your life is where it is at. This can be challenging, but, when we acknowledge that our choices have brought us to where we are at, we can begin to make better choices. If you are unhappy at work, in your relationships, or dissatisfied with your friendships, you can work the problem and make choices that create change. Ask yourself what aspects of each dynamic is making you unhappy. Once you have narrowed down the drivers of dissatisfaction, you can then own your part in creating them. This is because the only person we can control is ourselves.

Two of the most powerful change questions we can ask ourselves is "what part did I play in getting here" and "what part am I playing in staying here?" These two questions will hone in on behaviors that we need to change because they led us to the action point of "what can I do to make the situation better or allow me to leave and find a better situation". To be an agent of change is a hyper responsible role in which we own that we are the drivers of our destiny. By asking yourself what you can do differently, you create action points that begin to unstick your life. You will begin to recognize and implement changes both big and small that improve your intimate relationships, work life, and friendships.

Taking ownership of where you life is at now and where it is headed allows you to change your trajectory. It is amazing how much small quality of life tweaks can change our perspectives. Once we acknowledge we are in the driver’s seat, we begin to feel empowered and reap the benefits of our actions. Having a life focus of more good days than bad and working towards our own definition of good is powerful. Taking note of the positive impact changes make in our life shifts our focus from what we do not have to what we can create. Stepping into our excellence and embracing our awesomeness is powerful. Once we embrace an agent of change mindset, we unlock our potential and begin to build the life of our dreams.

Kisstopher Musick PhD Psychology

https://adjustmentguidance.com/

If you are having more bad days than good, you have the power to change this. The first step is to own your power. This is something a lot of people struggle with because to fully own your power means to fully accept that your choices are why your life is where it is at....

13/05/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/the-internal-life-of-successful-people/

An assumption about the internal life of successful people is that all successful people have the same internal life. This is simply not true. The level of the diversity of thought between successful people is the same as the level of diversity of thought between successful and unsuccessful people. The primary difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is how much time they devote to things that do not serve them. It is not so much about the difference in internal lives as it is about how they respond to stimuli. Using anxiety as an example, most successful people who struggle with anxiety take responsibility for de-escalating their anxiety and changing the circumstances that trigger their anxiety. Anxiety does not shut them down for long if at all before they activate and work on a plan to solve or resolve the issue that is triggering their anxiety.

Successful people tend to take responsibility for the outcomes they experience and focus on their own behavior rather than the behavior of others. If they face an obstacle, they do not spend a large amount of time looking at the behavior of others. They instead focus on what they can control when it comes to overcoming any barriers to success. This mindset is one of responsibility; they do not blame others for their behavior or choices. This is why successful people can function while dealing with emotional upheaval. Highly successful people struggle with depression, anger management issues, and anxiety, but they do so without allowing these issues to stop them from working towards their goals.

Another difference between successful people and those struggling to succeed is determination. When a person decides that they will work the problem of how to succeed, any excuse or reasoning that keeps them in a place of not achieving their goals falls by the wayside. Every obstacle becomes temporary as they find a way to overcome or deconstruct anything in their way. Successful people focus on the destination, not the journey, and don’t let setbacks keep them from pursing their goals. Anyone can be self-determined and develop a culture of success by deciding to do so. What stops most people is a fear of failure. With a success mindset, we realize that the only way we will fail is if we do not try. Make a plan and execute and you will succeed.

Kisstopher Musick

https://adjustmentguidance.com/

Wellbeing & Mental Health Therapy Practice in Nagoya, Japan Adjustment Guidance is a private psychology practice providing counseling, therapy, career and executive development services since 2007. Our mission is to help you have more good days than bad. Our team of dedicated professionals is led by...

05/05/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/need-versus-want/

When it comes to understanding a need from a want, it can be a struggle. The more we want something, the more we begin to see it as a need. So much so that the words need and want are used interchangeably. This makes the distinction between need and want even more difficult. Further complicating things is the fact that humans prefer pursuing wants over pursuing needs. Because of this, when we consider mental health, what we need to survive and thrive goes beyond what is necessary to live. What necessities are varies from person to person. For me, what I need can change day to day. This is because there are a lot of different factors contributing to my needs. What is necessary to thrive has levels.

Understanding the levels and nuances of essentials can help separate needs from wants. Additionally, understanding how to balance immediate, short-term, and long-term needs helps with resource allocation. Our biggest nonrenewable resource is time. Another resource that is limited is money. Being honest with yourself about how much you have of both can bring into focus what you need versus what you want. A prime example of this would be morning coffee. To get coffee from a store or Starbucks requires management of time and money: whether or not you can allocate the time and money to buy coffee at a convenience store or Starbucks. Being able to do a need assessment with regard to whether or not to allocate resources today can be helped by having your needs leveled.

When we have immediate needs, we should asses the impact tending to an immediate need will have on short-term and long-term needs. Through the process of sorting needs into immediate, short-term, and long-term, we will naturally come to understand that some of our needs are not actually necessary for us to thrive and that prioritizing wants, because we think of these as needs, holds us back. Once we give ourselves permission to have immediate, short-term, and long-term needs, we can fully unpack them and create a hierarchy that lets us understand what drives us and what our priorities are. Understanding our priorities allows us to see the difference between needs and wants that are specific to us.

When it comes to understanding a need from a want, it can be a struggle. The more we want something, the more we begin to see it as a need. So much so that the words need and want are used interchangeably. This makes the distinction between need and want even more difficult. Further complicating...