07/06/2023
Psychologist have studied Envy as a human emotion worth noticing because of the manner in which it impacts on interpersonal relationships-be it at home or at work. It is described as a feeling of discontentment or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, status or position, qualities or luck. Some researchers have considered it as an opposite of love as it seeks to destroy the other in order to benefit oneself. In a nut shell, it is a desire for what others have. This is basically how some people interact with their environment by begrudging others’ success, or brilliance or happiness or good fortune. This emotion is mostly driven to excesses of paranoia and guilt and fear that subside only after self punishment. Envy is forever looking upwards and never looks sideways. It is brought about by the realization of some luck, deficiency or inadequacy in oneself. It is the result of unfavourably comparing oneself to others; to their success, reputation, their possessions, their luck and their qualities.
Studies have indicated that Envy is caused by low self esteem or rather low opinion of self, own fears and worries, greed and pride, paranoia, anger, obsession, comparison of oneself to others, fear of losing praise or love from the object of one’s affection and individual longing for significance and security.
The effort to break the padded walls of this self-visited purgatory often leads to attack on the perceived sources of frustrations. This is because the envious always think that their lacking, inadequacy, lack of luck is a result of others success.
There is a deep close relationship between envy and self love also known as (Narcissism). Some Narcissists seek to imitate or even emulate their ever changing role models. It is as if by imitating the object of this envy, the Narcissists become that object. So Narcissists are likely to adopt their typical gesture, the vocabulary of a successful politician, the view of an esteemed tycoon or even the countenance and actions of the fictitious hero of a movie or a novel.
Other Narcissists ‘choose’ to destroy the object that gives them so much grief by provoking in them feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Consequently, these people display obsessive, blind animosity and engage in a compulsive acts of rivalry often at the cost of self destruction and self isolation. In the process of dealing with these unpleasant feelings , individuals harbouring envy may project these negative feelings thus making others their main scapegoats. This may lead to poisoned joy of depriving the other that which one cannot have.
In the extreme cases, in an effort to justify the agonising disparities between themselves and others, Narcissists may humble themselves as they elevate the others. They reduce and diminish their own gifts, disparage their own achievements, degrade their own possessions and look with disdain and contempt upon their nearest and dearest, whom are unable to discern their fundamental shortcomings. They feel worthy only of abasement and punishment.
Human beings are called upon to be on the outlook in order not to let envy get toll on them. They are obvious effects of this emotion such as developing contempt toward others, being malicious and crafting of evil deed on others leading to destruction of others. Since envious individuals will always feel that others have deprived them of opportunities to prosper they may develop resentment towards others, this if not checked it can degenerate into paranoia where envious persons are always overly suspicious of others leading them develop contempt towards others even if these others include their significant others. In the long run people harbouring envy will always have tendencies or intense feelings of wanting to destroy others. For this reason, most people isolate envious individuals due to their toxicity. On the other hand, these individuals may also isolate themselves since they always feel threatened by the success, growth or luck of people around them. This feeling of inadequacy can be so unbearable to them hence they may employ withdrawal as an ego defence mechanism.
Finally it important to take note that envious people may phenomenologically over achieve in many fronts of their life facets because of unnecessary competition, however, this may lead to lack of contentment which throws them back to a feeling of inadequacy. This is a joy killer and may always see these people struggling with feelings of sadness and hopeless despite what others may perceive as success. To them they remain with avoid that they keep on deepening by constant comparison with others and measuring their success not with their own set targets but of course with others achievements who they know very less about their story and motivation. Because of these, these individuals may be prone to suffer from depression.
The writer is a Psychologist, a mentor, life coach, trainer and an author
DanielMaria Shikuku
