Majibu za walevi wa keg

Majibu za walevi wa keg Beer brings out the best of creativity in homo sapien sapiens

09/10/2013

KISWAHILI ON WINDOWS OS.

On Microsoft Word...> Save- Okoa> Save as-
Okoa matako> Shift cells right- Peleka Jela zote
kulia>Insert- Ingiza> Redo- Fanya tena> Undo-
Fanyua> Insert table- Ingiza meza> Insert break-
Ingiza na uvunje> Select all- Chagua wote> Cut-
Tahirisha> Change Case- Badilisha Kesi> Upper
case- Kesi ya juu> Lowercase- Kesi ya hali ya
chini> Italize- Fanya jambo k**a waitaliano
On the internet> Go- Kwenda> Facebook- Kitabu
cha nyuso> MySpace- Mahala pangu> Yahoo- Ya
nani> Google- Jina lisilo maana.> Latamkwa
sana sana na watoto wanaojifunza kuongea>
Inbox- Sanduku la ndani> Outbox- Sanduku la
nje> Search- Sorora> Click here- Pigia mdomo
hapa> Sign out- Peleka saini nje> Download-
Mzigo uliyo chini> Hits- Kutwangwa mara mingi>
Bookmark- Alama kwenye kitabu> Back-
Mgongo> Home page- Ukurasa wa nyumbani>
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09/10/2013

A girl was passing by & saw her
boyfriend
standing by the ATM.She
immediately hide
and sent a romantic text to
him, "Honey if u
are sleeping right now send me
ur dreams, if
u are laughing send me ur
laughter, if u are
eating send me some food, if u
are crying
send me ur tears, if u are
withdrawing from
the ATM send me some
money."Boyfrien
d
replies, I'm in the toilet what
should I send?

08/10/2013

AKPORS and a white guy
were sitting in the park,
the
white man had a pet
monkey and AKPORS is selling
bananas, AKPORS said
‘Mr. Can u look after my
bananas, i’m
goin to the
toilet”,” Yeah sure, go ahead” said
the white
man.
When AKPORS came he
found his bananas has
gone and
asked “where are my bananas”
the
white man
pointed to the monkey
and
said “ask ur
brother” ,AKPORS chilled and sat
down. Few minutes
later the
white man ask”can u
watch my
monkey I’m going to the
toilet” ,”oh yeah sure!”
said
AKPORS. When the
white man came back
he found his monkey dead
and
exclaim “what
happened here?”
AKPORS replied ”
don’t get involved pls , it’s a family
matter”

08/10/2013

A lady and Akpos were having
drinks at the bar.
Later that night the woman
whispered
to Akpos,
"LET'S GO TO MY PLACE". So they left. At the
woman's
place they started kissing
and
un******ng each other, then
the lady
whispered in the sexiest voice,
"TIE ME ON THE BED AND DO WHAT
U DO BEST"
Akpos tied her on the bed
and...and...
ran away with her TV, Laptop, Blackberry, ipad and
iphone.
she fainted!
One word for Akpos

07/10/2013

POEMS written by AKPOS and his WIFE to one
other
WIFE: I wrote your name on sand it got washed. I
wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then I
wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart
Attack.
AKPOS: God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi. He saw me
in darkness, He created light. He saw me without
problems, He created YOU.
WIFE:.. Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are. And once you
know what you are Mental hospital is not so far.
AKPOS: The rain makes all things beautiful. The
grass and flowers too. If rain makes all things
beautiful Why doesn't it rain on you..?
WIFE: Roses are red; Violets are blue. Monkeys
like u should be kept in ZOO. Don't feel so angry
you will find me there too Not in cage but
laughing at YOU
WHO KILLED IT?
The wife or the husband?

07/10/2013

Akpos:i dont like my maths teacher
Akpos mum:how?
Akpos:he is confused
Akpos mum:how?
Akpors:day before yesterday,he said 5+4=9
yesterday he said
3+6=9
and today he said 2+7=9
Akpos mum:i told your dad i never liked dat school
one word for the both of them

06/10/2013

Leo watu waende church and remember to thank GOD for this day some didnt make it.

04/10/2013

Boy drops girl at home, he puts his hand on d wall
by d gate for support, leans towards her and says
"can
I kiss u"?
Girl; Not now, I'm at home
Boy; please
Girl ; No
Boy; u were too sweet in bed 2day
Girl: waoh! u too, full of energy. I culd not believe
we had 4 rounds.
Boy: let me kiss u gudnite
Girl: someone may be watching, they still think I'm
a virgin at home.
This goes on for 10 mins
Then girl's brother appears at d gate and says;
"Dad says whether u kiss him or not its ur decision,
but tell that bastard to remove his hand from the
intercom button, everyone at home is listening to
ur conversation!

04/10/2013

*Joba Laughing behind Akpos at the ATM Machine*
JOBA: I have seen ur password
AKPOS: What is it?
JOBA:Its 4 stars(****)
AKPOS:(laughing at joba) ha! u are wrong, it's
1324.....

04/10/2013

A jobless man applied for the job of "office boy" at
Microsoft.
The HR interviewed him then watched him cleaning
the floor as a test. "You are employed" he said.
"Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the
forms to fill in as well as when you may start". The
man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither
an email." "I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you
don't have an email, that means u do not exist.
And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know
what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then
decided to go to the supermarket & buy a 10Kg
tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door
to door round. In less than two hours, he
succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the
operation three times, and returned home with $60.
The man realized that he can survive this way, and
started to go everyday earlier and return late. Thus,
his money doubled or tripled everyday.
Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had
his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the
man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US .
He started to plan his family's future, and decided
to have a life Insurance. He called an insurance
broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded, the broker
asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have
an email." The broker answered curiously, "You
don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to
build an empire. Can you imagine what you could
have been if you had an email?!"
The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd
be an office boy at Microsoft!"
Moral of the story:
1) Internet/ email/ bbm/ whatsapp is not the
solution to your life.
2) If you don't have internet/ email/ bbm/
whatsapp, and work hard, you can be a Billionaire.
Pls Don't Disturb me, ADMIN is busy selling
Tomatoes!!

04/10/2013

One word for mary...

Mary : How was your paper
Gloria ?
Gloria : It was kind of hard;
I didn't know
the past tense of 'think'.
I thought and thought and thought
for
along time then finally
wrote'thunk'
Mary : I guess you're right
because I wrote
thunk after I thought 4 a while.. ...
Mary : S**t! And what
about the past tense
of 'write' ?
Gloria : I dont know what I
wrote; I think I wrote 'written'
Mary : That one I didn't
even bother.
When I saw the next
number asking for
the past tense of 'go', I just went
out of
the Exam Room.
Gloria : Me too, when I
reached that
number I couldn't take it
anymore. Those idiots gave us an
exam
beyond our scope.

03/10/2013

If you are given the chance to bring back the dead
who will you bring back ?
1. Mc loph
2. 2pac
3. Dagrin
4. Osadebe
5.E-sir
6.K-rupt
7.Wikimoshi(Atoti hit guy)
8. Others (specify)

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