ParenTeen Kenya

05/02/2026

A parent's 15-year-old daughter had a friend group that made her stomach turn every time they came over.

Disrespectful to adults. Constantly on their phones. The kind of kids who left a trail of attitude and entitlement wherever they went.

For over a year, this mom said nothing. She told herself it wasn't her place to judge her daughter's friendships.

That teens need to figure these things out on their own. That being too controlling would just push her daughter away.

Then one of these friends posted something cruel about another girl online, and her daughter participated.

Not the ringleader, but she added fuel to the fire. When confronted, her defense was: "Everyone was doing it."

That's when this mom drew the line. "Those girls are no longer welcome in our home. And you're no longer spending unsupervised time with them."

The explosion was nuclear. "You can't control who I'm friends with!" "You're ruining my life!" "I'll have no friends!"

But here's what this parent understood that many don't: You absolutely CAN and SHOULD influence your teenager's peer group.

This isn't about being their friend or winning a popularity contest. It's about recognizing that adolescent brains are wired for peer influence, and bad company genuinely does corrupt good character—that's not just a Bible verse, it's developmental neuroscience.

Three months later, her daughter had found new friends. Better kids. And while she'd never admit it out loud, the weight that lifted from her shoulders was visible.

Your teenager doesn't need unlimited social freedom. They need guardrails while their judgment is still developing.

The temporary conflict was worth the long-term protection of her character.

Where are you tolerating toxic influences in your child's life because saying "no" feels too hard?

04/02/2026

02/02/2026

For 40 years we've been told: high self-esteem is the foundation of mental health.

Praise your kids constantly. Affirm them endlessly. Make them feel special.

The result? Narcissism rates have skyrocketed.

We've created a generation that crumbles when reality doesn't affirm them.

Here's what both research-based psychology and Scripture actually teach:
SELF-RESPECT ≠ SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem = feeling good about yourself regardless of competence (participation trophy)

Self-respect = earned through genuine achievement and moral action (actual trophy)

Jordan Peterson's research on personality showed that conscientiousness—doing what you say you'll do, especially when it's hard—is the strongest predictor of life success.

Not feeling good about yourself but BEING someone worthy of respect.

Proverbs 22:1 - "A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold."

Notice: TO BE ESTEEMED (by others, through character), not TO ESTEEM YOURSELF (regardless of character).

What This Means Practically:
✘ Stop: "You're amazing just the way you are!" (it's often overdone)
✓ Start: "You worked hard on that. That effort is worth respecting."
✘ Stop: "Everyone's a winner!" (Really, does adult life confirm this?)
✓ Start: "You didn't win this time. What will you do differently next time?"
✘ Stop: Constant praise for mediocrity
✓ Start: Specific recognition for genuine accomplishment

Your teenager doesn't need to feel special. They need to BECOME capable.

The self-respect that emerges from genuine competence is unshakeable. The self-esteem from empty praise evaporates the moment reality pushes back.

Stop inflating their ego. Start building their character.

29/01/2026

A father apologized for the years he was too WEAK (probably not what you think).

"I'm sorry I let you speak to me disrespectfully when you were 13 because I was afraid of conflict."

I'm sorry I gave you a smartphone at 11 because all your friends had one and I didn't want you to feel left out."

I'm sorry I prioritized being liked over being respected."

His son looked at him like he'd grown a second head. Then he said something that cut deep: "I had already noticed you often let things slide easily."

Our kids are watching. They know when we're spineless. They know when we're afraid of them.

And contrary to what we tell ourselves, they don't respect us more for it, they respect us LESS.

In trying to maintain closeness by avoiding conflict, we create distance by losing their respect.

This dad is done with that version of the modern fatherhood.

Now when he says no, he means it. When he sets a boundary, he enforces it. When he expects something, he follows through.

And you know what? They argue less now. Because everyone knows where they stand.

Strength creates peace. Weakness creates chaos.

What do YOU need to apologize for, not doing too much, but tolerating too much?

26/01/2026

Modern parenting has forgotten a timeless truth: character is built through hardship.

Romans 5:3-4 tells us: "Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Meanwhile, psychology demonstrates that antifragility only develops through stress.

Muscles grow by being torn. Immune systems strengthen through exposure.

Resilience emerges from adversity.

Yet we're raising kids in bubble wrap:
Participation trophies (competence requires winners and losers) Safe spaces (resilience requires unsafe navigation) Trigger warnings (strength requires encountering difficulty) Constant affirmation (self-worth requires genuine achievement)

The Result? The most anxious, depressed, and fragile generation in recorded history.

Instead you should:
Expose them to graduated stress - Age-appropriate challenges that push limits without breaking them Let them experience failure's sting - Failed tests, lost games, earned consequences teach what success cannot Teach suffering's purpose - Not all pain is meaningful, but meaningful goals require pain. Model resilience yourself - They need to see YOU face hardship without collapsing

Jesus didn't promise comfort. He promised an abundant life through taking up your cross. That pattern applies to childhood development too.

Your job isn't to eliminate your child's suffering. It's to teach them suffering is survivable and often purposeful.

The alternative is raising adults who shatter at the first real hardship and life guarantees hardship.

22/01/2026

A father thought he was being the "cool parent" with his 16-year-old son who was into gaming.

He didn't want to be one of those out-of-touch parents who didn't understand modern kids.

Then he checked the router stats: 8-12 hours daily. School performance dropping. No real-world friends. Dead eyes at dinner.

He removed every gaming device that night. You'd have thought he'd committed assault. Rage. Threats. Silence for days.

But here's what happened over the next three months: His son made new friends (bored out of his mind). Started playing football (needed something to do). His grades recovered.

And one night at dinner, he actually told his dad about his day, voluntarily.

The lesson this father learned: Permissiveness isn't love; it's abdication.

Our culture worships tolerance and acceptance to the point of paralysis. We're so afraid of being "controlling" that we watch our kids develop addictions and call it "respecting their autonomy."

No. A 16-year-old doesn't have the neurological development to self-regulate dopamine addiction.

That's what parents are for, to be the prefrontal cortex they don't fully have yet.

Was this dad popular during those three months? Absolutely not. Does he regret it? Not for a second.

Where are you tolerating something destructive because confronting it feels too hard?

19/01/2026

If your teenager consistently disrespects you, there's a good chance you've trained them to.

Adolescents are biologically wired to test boundaries.

They NEED to know where the walls are. But here's where most modern parents fail:
We negotiate things that aren't negotiable.

When your 13-year-old talks back and you respond with: "Please don't use that tone with me," you've already lost. You're REQUESTING respect instead of REQUIRING it.

Scripture is clear here: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (Ephesians 6:1). Not when you agree. Not when it makes sense. Period.

Respect flows downhill - Children respect parents who respect themselves enough to maintain standards.

Boundaries without enforcement are suggestions - If disrespect has no immediate, meaningful consequence, you're teaching them it's acceptable.

Teens crave the security of strong leadership - Psychological studies show adolescents with authoritative (not authoritarian) parents report higher well-being.

They feel safer when someone capable is in charge.

What This Looks Like Practically:
Disrespect = immediate loss of privilege, no debate Tone matters as much as words You don't explain yourself to death—leadership doesn't require consensus

Your teen doesn't need a friend. They need a parent who loves them enough to be temporarily unpopular.

Stop asking for respect. Require it through your own self-respect.

15/01/2026

A parent's 14-year-old forgot her homework at home. Again. The teacher allowed her to call her mother to bring it, expecting the mother to drop everything and rush it to school.

Two years ago, this mom would have. She would have disrupted her morning, enabled her daughter's disorganization, and called it "being supportive."

This time, she said: "That's rough. What's your plan?"

The fallout was immediate. Tears. Accusations that she "doesn't care." A grade penalty. But here's what else happened: Her daughter never forgot a project again.

We've created a generation of parents terrified of letting our kids experience discomfort. We call it compassion. It's actually cowardice, we can't bear THEIR pain, so we absorb it ourselves.

But rescuing your teenager from every natural consequence isn't love. It's theft.

You're stealing their opportunity to develop resilience, resourcefulness, and responsibility.

The grade penalty taught this girl something her mother never could through lectures: actions have consequences, and Mom isn't a shield from reality.

Their relationship is stronger now because her daughter knows she believes she's capable of handling hard things. That belief is worth more than convenience.

Where are you still rescuing instead of coaching?

12/01/2026

The Dangerous Myth of 'Finding Yourself' We're Teaching Our Kids

We often tell teenagers, "Just be yourself! Follow your heart! You're perfect as you are!"

This is catastrophic advice. Their hearts are impulsive. Their "authentic self" at 16 is unformed.

We are even required to die to self because following your heart often leads to entitlement, especially for a teen who focuses on self too much.

What they need isn't affirmation of who they currently are, but a vision of who they could become through discipline, sacrifice, and virtue.

Your teenager doesn't need to "find themselves" in their feelings, their friend group, or their gender ideology. They need to BUILD themselves through:
Taking responsibility for their choices Developing competence that creates genuine self-respect Serving something greater than their own comfort Learning that suffering with purpose creates meaning

Stop asking your teen "What do you want to be?" Start asking: "What are you willing to sacrifice for? What's worth suffering for?"

Identity emerges from answering those questions through action.