Dr. Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD therapist

Dr. Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD therapist Dr Marcel de Roos is a Psychologist PhD from the Netherlands with a private practice in Colombo Sri Lanka. Many of my clients are expats and foreigners. etc.)

Hi, I am dr. Marcel de Roos (Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands with more than 30 years of experience) and I have a general psychology practice in a residential area in Nugegoda (see my website www.marcelderoos.com for an elaborate route description). My practice is located in my house in comfortable, confidential surroundings and not in public impersonal hospitals. Living in Sri Lanka now for sixteen years, being Dutch myself and married to my Sri Lankan wife Manjula I can relate to the issues that expats encounter. I work with adults (expat issues, marriage counselling, depression, anxiety, s*xual problems, addictions, LGBTQ-related issues, trauma therapy, stress, personal development, giving meaning to your life, how to build self-esteem, choosing a profession and career advice, social issues, etc. and with children (teenager counselling, study related problems, personal and social issues, etc.). Furthermore I give (onsite) individual coaching for CEO's, higher management, entrepreneurs and executives (confidential personal issues, leadership issues, career development, work stress, etc.). Please visit my website www.marcelderoos.com for more information about myself and how I work. I am affiliate psychologist with:

- the United States Embassy in Colombo for visiting American citizens, for Embassy staff members and I conduct psychological assessments of US citizens on behalf of the U.S. Social Security Administration.

- UNHCR Sri Lanka, for refugees until their resettlement abroad.

- Workplace Options (www.workplaceoptions.com) for their Sri Lankan clients. For them I provide Employee Assistance Program (EAP) services for employees and family members. Confidentiality is most important to me. What is said in therapy is very private and it stays private. One of the methods I use is to work with feelings, behaviour and thoughts; in the present and in the past. The end result is a more balanced personality. Other methods I use are for example:

- elements of short-term psychodynamic therapy

- elements of cognitive behaviour therapy

- elements of emotionally focused couple therapy


Although I am not a big proponent of administering drugs for mental illnesses like depression and anxiety, in some cases it can be useful. Depression has everything to do with FEELING depressed. Since depression is about stuck emotions, it makes sense to treat it from that angle. Psychiatrists and other medical doctors are generally speaking not trained in conducting and understanding research. Psychologists on the other hand, have to undergo a stringent and extensive schooling regarding research (on my website www.marcelderoos.com you can read articles about typical differences between psychologists and psychiatrists). Not only plain “statistics” like multiple regression analysis but more about the art of how to set up proper research studies and how to “read” them. Research is difficult; you need to have an extremely critical mindset. There exists no "chemical imbalance in the brain" and this and the "serotonin reuptake" story (people are encouraged to believe that depression is caused by a deficiency of serotonin as in the analogy with diabetes and insulin) are just clever marketing concoctions of the pharmaceutical industry, there is no scientific medical proof. We know for some twenty years that antidepressants do not outperform placebo (see for example www.joannamoncrieff.com and Kirsch, 1998). On top of that antidepressants have a whole list of (possible) side-effects, of which weight gain and s*xual dysfunctions (not a pleasant thing when you're already depressed) are the most common ones; for both genders for example reduced libido and delayed or blocked or**sm and for men difficulty in having an er****on. For more information please read in the articles on my website www.marcelderoos.com. With extreme rare illnesses like bipolar depression (if correctly diagnosed!) and schizophrenia medication is paramount. As I always tell my clients, whenever they want to stop with medication it's very important to do this under medical supervision. The consultations can take place face to face, by phone or online (WhatsApp, Zoom, FaceTime, etc.). If you wish to change a scheduled appointment, it’s important that you provide at least 24 hours advance notice, in order to avoid being charged for the session. Appointments cancelled within this 24-hour window will be charged at the full rate. My practice is open from Tuesday till Saturday from 8 AM till 7 PM. Sundays and Mondays are my days off. Appointments can be made by mail, text message or by phone. During the sessions I don't answer phone calls but I always call back in the 10 minutes breaks in between the sessions. Phone: 077-2310869
Email: marcel.deroos@yahoo.com
Website: www.marcelderoos.com

DIAGNOSIS DISORDER DRAMA.By dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.marcelderoos.comIn Sri Lanka, it’s q...
13/03/2026

DIAGNOSIS DISORDER DRAMA.
By dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

In Sri Lanka, it’s quite common that after a first session with a counsellor/psychologist, you’ll leave the practice with a “diagnosis”. That might feel reassuring but in many cases it doesn’t say much.

And even a questionnaire “test” where you are diagnosed as for example “Borderline” might come across as accurate (it’s often given with percentages), but it’s only correlated with symptoms (whether you have several symptoms or not). These questionnaires are useless because they are based on the DSM5 and lack the layeredness and complexity of the different aspects of a mental illness.

What is wrong with this approach is that mental disorders are presented as constructs that can be measured in a similar way as medical illnesses. In the medical model there are physical symptoms that can be corroborated with scans, lab tests, blood pressure, etc. A mental illness (or “disorder”) is just a handful of arbitrary symptoms (with a huge variability!) with no biomarkers to substantiate it.

Take for example “Borderline Personality Disorder” (BPD). It’s a label without any biological/genetic causes. It's an agreement between mental health professionals that a certain number of observations (five out of nine) can be attributed to this label. But why five and not four or six out of eight or ten? Five out of nine means that you can be “Borderline” in 256 ways. And two “Borderliners” can have only one criterion in common and be completely different from the rest. Plus the criteria are very vague (how to substantiate accurately terms like chronic, frantic, inappropriate, recurrent, etc.). Two assessors can come to two completely different diagnoses.

But the main problem with the symptom approach is that it completely ignores the underlying story, which is responsible for the symptoms and explains them.

Some time ago, a young woman came to my practice. In a tense period of almost a month she had become sleep deprived because of preparations for exams at her college. At the same time she had heard that her grandmother was serious ill, which made her feel her heart racing. She had symptoms like being irritable, a racing mind, easily distracted, intensely focused and worried, Since she studied abroad, a foreign psychiatrist had diagnosed her in three minutes as bipolar (hypo-manic episode). But after having spoken with her for half an hour, the story behind the symptoms became clear and also a logical explanation for her behaviour. This was no bipolar disorder at all, but just the consequence of sleep deprivation and concern for her sick grandmother. The young woman went into therapy with me and recovered.

In the case of BPD, countless research studies have demonstrated that in more than 90% of the cases people with the label BPD have been chronically abused in their childhood. This means that there is sufficient evidence that their symptoms have been developed as a result of their traumatic history. It's much better to speak of a complex post-traumatic stress disorder than to label it with BPD. The standard treatment for BPD is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, but because this treatment only covers the present it’s totally inadequate. A comprehensive treatment like psychodynamic psychotherapy is far more suitable.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

DEPRESSION AND RELAPSE.By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.marcelderoos.comAfter a period of seve...
21/02/2026

DEPRESSION AND RELAPSE.
By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

After a period of severe depression, clients are often relieved that they are feeling better and that they are liberated of the heavy feelings. At the same time, they are often afraid of a relapse and that fear can be quite debilitating.

Depression as described in the DSM5 is just a label for a handful of symptoms that a small group of people have decided, sitting at a conference table. This depression label and other labels are scientifically and clinically untrustworthy and there is no valid proof of biological/genetic causes.

The word depression is often used as a tag for one experience, but like many other mental conditions, it’s an umbrella term. Each depression is different, and it manifests itself with different people in different ways. For some it’s more like an intense sadness, for others a hollow emptiness. Sometimes it’s a constant stream of self-recrimination, sometimes it’s a numbness. There are depressions that are pre-dominating mentally, and there are depressions that show themselves physically: tiredness, sleeplessness, slower movement and thinking.

Depression has many possible root causes in your past. Blocking bad experiences, traumas for a long time, suppressing emotions as a habit, concealed anger towards parents or other persons, chronic feelings of guilt, experiencing a meaningless life, etc. It has nothing to do with the myth of a “chemical imbalance” in the brain.

Recovery doesn’t have one distinct form either, it’s different for everybody. A relapse doesn’t have to mean that there is a complete repetition. Very often we learn, because we have been through it before, to recognise certain signals sooner. We acquire, with trial and error, more knowledge about ourselves. About our vulnerabilities, or the kind of pressure we put on ourselves.

The positive thing about fear for a relapse, is that the fear signifies that you’re alert. Fear isn’t always bad, it’s a signal and in that sense it’s an ally. Don’t try to suppress or to ignore it, but see it as reminder that you should take good care of yourself and to listen to what wells up from inside.

We live in a culture where there is a strong emphasis on recovery. The leading narrative is that you get sick, you recover and you move on with your life. There is very little scope for the meaning behind emotions. Depression isn’t easily put into logical parts. Many people feel pressure to appear strong or to become quickly their “old self”. But recovery isn’t a straight way forward, but usually a winding, twisting path.

You’re of course not totally helpless and left at the mercy of fate. On the contrary, because you have been through depression before, you have built up knowledge about what helps and what doesn’t. You know who you can call when needed, or which activities can give relief at times. It’s important to accept that unhappy feelings are also part of life, without letting them dominate your life, because you know from experience that they will pass Try to find out who you are and what triggers you, and where these emotions might stem from in your past. By doing that, the impact of the past will diminish and you will feel more balanced.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

THE ART OF LIVING: HOW ANCIENT WISDOM CAN ENRICH YOUR LIFE.By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.ma...
29/01/2026

THE ART OF LIVING: HOW ANCIENT WISDOM CAN ENRICH YOUR LIFE.
By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

In the Greek and Greek-Roman ethics the emphasis was on the personal choice, the moral behaviour and the relationship towards yourself and initially also towards the city-state (this changed later). When you read Plato, Socrates, Seneca and others, it’s clear that the Greeks and Romans hardly cared about the future, about what happened to them after their death, or about the existence of the Gods.

Their challenge was which “techne” (knowledge) they needed to master, in order to live their lives as best as they could. It was about to live according to specific values in order to emulate certain examples, build a reputation, and make your life meaningful. Philosophers were searching for that knowledge, the art of living, which could be used to fulfil this quest.

In classical antiquity there were many philosophical systems. Quite a few of them have found protagonists in modern times. Especially Stoicism from for example Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus is nowadays encouraged in numerous popular self-help books.

But it’s a rather pessimistic and strict philosophy, which doesn’t encourage the same joie de vivre as for example the Epicurians or even better Aristotle. The Stoics propagate the suppression of emotions and bodily desires. It encourages the practitioner to acquiesce in adverse situations, instead of an active practical involvement with everyday life with all of its fascinating challenges which need solutions. It doesn’t leave much space for hope, human intervention and it focuses on accepting human suffering.

While the Epicurians encouraged people to let go of their ambitions for power and glory and live an undisturbed existence with friendship and the simple pleasures of life, Aristotle wrote for people who were fully and enthusiastically committed to their community and who based their moral choices, healthy pleasures and happiness on their lived-through experiences according to his guidelines.

Aristotle’s ethical system is versatile, flexible, and practically applicable in our daily life. It’s not dogmatic, he states that we continuously should be open for revision of our opinions. His leitmotifs are dealing with the situation at hand, forward planning, an unrelenting focus on intentions, flexibility, practical sense, common sense, individual autonomy and the importance of consultations with others.

Aristotle states that you can DECIDE to become happier, after some time the correct behaviour will become a habit, and you will experience “eudaimonia”, his concept of happiness. It stands for an activity and not for a state of being. And it’s not about materialistic prosperity but more in the sense of happiness of the soul, achieved by an active rational mind which aspires to fulfil your potential. Also, you shouldn’t suppress your emotions, but take them into consideration for your decisions.

Regarding virtues and vices, Aristotle’s principle of the golden mean signifies that there is a right balance in between extremes. A moderate form of personal qualities is preferable. People who are risk-averse live a limited life, having strong anger issues makes you difficult in social situations, ignoring truth and refraining from expressing joy or pain makes you psychologically and emotionally stunted.

An Aristotelian thinker lives in a social community (for example family, neighbourhood, or friends), makes moral choices, thinks rationally, indulges in healthy pleasures, and cultivates happiness in himself and in others.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

CONTEXT MATTERS!By dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.marcelderoos.comWith diagnosing clients, ther...
03/01/2026

CONTEXT MATTERS!
By dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

With diagnosing clients, there are two ways of operating: a psychiatric or a psychological manner. The psychiatrists bible, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM, fifth edition), describes the classification criteria for putting psychiatric labels on patients. Psychological assessment is quite different. Psychologists are also trained to diagnose and treat mental disorders but they focus on the root causes and the whole story behind the symptoms.

For example, a client of mine had been “diagnosed” as “bipolar” because of the mood swing symptoms she spoke about. She had been prescribed heavy dosages of lithium and mood stabilisors. This, while totally ignoring the bigger picture that was there and which thoroughly explained her symptoms. A significant part of the context was peer-pressure at school and parental pressure (“95 isn’t good enough, what happened to the last 5?”). These and other factors led to low self-esteem, anxiety, sky-high expectations of herself and a constant feeling of not being good enough. Similar examples can be given with “ADHD”, “Borderline” and other “disorders”.

The DSM-5 is an arbitrary DESCRIPTIVE psychiatric classification system, in essence based upon the work of Kraepelin (1856-1926), with little diagnostic value (see for example Stijn Vanheule: Diagnosis and the DSM, a critical review). The described labels are scientifically and clinically untrustworthy (they are not reliable and not valid) and they describe symptoms with no biomarkers. Although with all DSM-5 pseudo-medical classifications (“disorders”), the underlying assumption is that they are biological or genetical (like Kraepelin had hoped to discover), there exists no medical or scientific evidence of these assumed genetic/biological causes.

In the psychological-diagnostical process it’s NOT only about one individual but also about the CONTEXT wherein this individual lives. While with the disorder-narrative the focus is on the symptoms of the individual person who has a “disorder”. Which totally disregards the social context (family, school, friends, colleagues, neighbourhood, etc.) and the individual history. These factors can play a decisive role in the development and in possible solutions of the problems.

In his book “On being normal and other disorders: a manual for clinical psychodiagnostics” the Belgium psychologist prof. Dr. Verhaeghe discusses the differences between the two diagnostic processes. One difference is that unlike with the medical diagnostic process, in the psychodiagnostical process it’s NOT about one individual but also about the environment wherein this individual lives. The diagnosis usually doesn’t come at once, but much later after more sessions and very often it will be adjusted.

Another difference is that in the medical model one works from the individual person to generalised diseases. The objective symptoms (high temperature, muscle pains, etc.) leads to the conclusion of fever (a very common condition, N=millions). Psychologists on the contrarily start with a general story and end with N=1. Mental conditions are typically very individual and are extremely difficult to generalise. The psychologist listens and gathers more subjective information in its specific context.

What works well with symptoms related to physical illnesses doesn’t necessary goes with mental illnesses. Although medication can have its benefits in certain cases, it's preferable to listen to the whole story of the client, determine the root causes of client's present issues and treat those with an effective form of individual psychotherapy that covers the present, past, emotions, cognition and behaviour.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

SHAME.By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, The Netherlandswww.marcelderoos.comIn the Lucky Luke (“the man who shoots ...
03/11/2025

SHAME.
By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, The Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

In the Lucky Luke (“the man who shoots faster than his shadow”) comic book “A cure for the Daltons”, the hilarious Austrian psychologist, Professor Dr. Otto von Himbeergeist goes to the United States’ Wild West, and tries to cure the notorious Dalton gang brothers from their criminal activities. He uses psychoanalysis where by means of asking a shame-evoking question about their childhood, the persons tell him their entire life story and they subsequently burst out in tears.

In the psychoanalytic literature, shame is often mentioned in the same breath as guilt. This, because both emotions are linked with the experience of emotional suffering and both can lead to enormous inhibitions. Guilt is what you actually have done (behaviour), while shame has to do with how you judge yourself as a person. When you feel guilty, you can try to correct aspects of what you have done, but with shame it’s almost impossible. Therefore shame is far more damaging than guilt.

In everyday life, there is often an overlap between shame and guilt. Many people get confused because they perceive that feeling about something, thinking and fantasising are the same as acting upon it. When you invent a perfect plan to rob a bank, you are of course not guilty. When you fantasise about having s*x with that person you saw in a shop you don’t have to feel shameful. When somebody feels guilty without shame, it signifies positive self-worth: “I can learn from my mistake and become a better person”. But feeling ashamed without guilt (you haven’t done anything) about having s*xual fantasies can be experienced as extremely self-deprecating: “I don’t have self-control regarding my low lusts”. When shame is dominant then the therapist focuses on the vulnerable and low self-image, and where it stems from in the client’s childhood.

Shame coexists with anger and hostility towards ourselves. As a result, shame tends to be disastrous: people show more non-constructive behaviour related to the management of their anger. Their sense of self-worth is extremely low and there is a strong relationship with depression. Shame is not a result of the actual gaze of another person to ourselves, but through our own gaze how we look at ourselves through the eyes of the other person. The eyes of the other person are nothing but the internalised images of the erstwhile gazes of our parents.

Abused women can experience shame because they realise that they can be beaten and scolded without consequences for the perpetrator. Some abused women stay with their partner, while some leave after the first slap. When you feel ashamed for being beaten up and the subsequent anger that is caused by shame, is being directed towards yourself in the form of self-devaluation, then you will experience the abuse as “justified”. Therefore it’s imperative that there is a safe and trustworthy therapeutic relationship with the therapist. The client should be able to feel safe enough to tell the real story (plus the root causes), without the risk of feeling humiliated again.

Psychodynamic therapy can uncover the unconscious shame that is manifested by overt inhibitions. Childhood memories can emerge about the poignant feelings related to traumatic experiences. Therapy can reduce the paralysing weight of shame and can result in a liberating effect, and the clients will be able to think and feel without the excruciating and debilitating shame.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

PSYCHODYNAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY: THE GOLDEN ROAD.By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.marcelderoos.com...
12/10/2025

PSYCHODYNAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY: THE GOLDEN ROAD.
By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

Our existence as human beings is about trying to live with a constant stream of feelings, numerous thoughts and physical sensations. On top of that, we are able to reflect on our past, present and future. But our past can be an interference that impedes a functional life, and some people are even not aware that they are hindered by unsolved aspects of their past.

Psychodynamic psychotherapy explores such obstacles and tries to assist people to regain their freedom and their meaningfulness. It gives few answers but asks a lot of questions. Psychodynamic psychotherapy is not an American-like gospel, centred on the cult of positive thinking, nor a superficial and here-and-now cognitive behaviour therapy variant. It’s a way of thinking and questioning where positive thinking fails, why are my intentions and resolutions unsuccessful, why am I making promises that invariably nose-dive and result in depressed feelings and self-blame?

Psychodynamic psychotherapy has a rich history, starting of course with Sigmund Freud, but there are many others (like the esoteric Carl Jung, the social ethical Alfred Adler, the philosophical Jacques Lacan, etc.) who started in the Freudian parent church, but later developed their own theories. Nowadays, there are multiple major psychodynamic approaches, plus there is an amalgamation with knowledge from other sciences like memory research, neurobiological explanations and biological attachment theories.

Psychodynamic psychotherapy is not about giving “logical advice”, or about “changing your irrational thoughts”. A stressed, tense and perfectionistic person already knows the advice that a friend or relative would give: stop stressing, relax more, stop having high demands for yourself, and allow yourself to make mistakes. A psychodynamic therapist isn’t looking for solutions, but poses a lot of questions, and realises that rational answers don’t explain the root causes of behaviour. It’s much more important which emotions (often from our past!) play a role because these influence behaviour.

Previous experiences in our past generate an emotional basis for present cognitive beliefs. During childhood and puberty, the relationships with father, mother, siblings, and other important contributors have a significant impact on how we develop our personalities. The psychodynamic therapist looks for the individual significance that someone gives to his behaviour or emotions, by repeatedly questioning what the client tells and give another interpretation of something apparently self-evident for the client.

Guilt and shame are very strong emotions, which very often play an important role in our present behaviour. Shame is about who you ARE, guilt is about what you DO. Shame has to do with your identity, with who you are. Guilt has to do with what you think, feel or do. A strong tendency to feel guilty feeds your inner critic by keeping yourself responsible. Guilt is less damaging than shame, with guilt you feel bad about what you have done, but not about yourself. A strong tendency to feel ashamed feeds your inner critic with self-devaluation. When you always attribute an incident to your personal weaknesses or shortcoming then it can become a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. It's a well-known fact that a high level of shame and depression are related.

By taking ownership of your strong negative feelings about yourself, you can slowly go deeper and realise WHY these feelings are there and what really causes them to manifest themselves. The deeper cause of shame often lies in the childhood family situation where experiences of one or both parents being condescending, scornful, abusive or negative towards you. It’s important to make the emotional link between present emotions and where they are rooted. Allowing yourself to feel these emotions is the first step to recovery.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

WHY DO I KEEP CHOOSING TOXIC PARTNERS?By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlandswww.marcelderoos.comWhat do...
01/09/2025

WHY DO I KEEP CHOOSING TOXIC PARTNERS?
By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

What do we do when we often find ourselves in a relationship with someone who seems to have abusive tendencies? We can try to understand this person, what’s wrong with him or her. Does this person comes from an abusive family, has an unhealthy attachment style, unresolved childhood traumas, is it a narcissist or suffering from other mental issues?

A better way is to ask yourself why you repeatedly tolerate people who are emotionally not available, who push you away, or who actively abuse you. Perhaps you are reaffirming something that feels similar, familiar. It could very well be that growing up your parents have mistreated you, like a very controlling and abusive mother, or a distant father. The relationship with your partner might not be great, but since it feels familiar, your subconscious will often prefer it.

There exist this fairy tale that you first have to love yourself before you should start a relationship. But romantic relationships are par eminence a place where we can grow, by confronting repetitive hurtful triggers and learning to cope with them in a different way. We humans are relational beings, we need others to make us feel safe.

Relationships mirror us to find out where we need more healing. Because romantic relationships are so close and intense, they resemble the family relationships we grew up with, including all the problems and traumatic experiences. In our present romantic relationships we have to deal with being vulnerable, getting hurt, fights, compromises, boundaries. They can trigger us to experience unhealthy patterns and root causes in our past family life. This is painful but it also gives us an opportunity to reflect, grow and change our current behaviour.

As a side note, no parent is perfect and babies and children need to get used to living in an imperfect world. The British paediatrician and psychotherapist Donald Winnicot phrased the concept of “good enough parenting”. A person develops a “true self” when it has learnt to feel seen, and as good enough. On the contrary, a “false self” signifies only surface confidence and adjustment to the outside world, but it lacks passion and meaningfulness.

And regarding choices we make, the writer Milan Kundera explains vividly in his book “Testaments betrayed”, that we all walk in a fog. But when we look back to judge people’s past then you don’t see that fog, only a clear path. So it’s important to practice kindness, empathy and understanding towards others and towards ourselves.

We can easily hide our struggles for others, and even for ourselves, but not in close relationships. We can find healing and inner peace through relationships, as long as we are aware about our patterns in behaviour and emotions, and we think of how we can change these. We can learn to notice certain triggers, where they are related to, and we can choose to react in a different way. It usually has to do with deeper emotions (and to a lesser extent with a rational insight) which connect with older patterns and experiences from our family relationships in our childhood and teenage years.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

EXISTENTIAL QUESTIONS: MEANINGFULNESS, LIFE AND DEATH.By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, The Netherlandswww.marceld...
13/08/2025

EXISTENTIAL QUESTIONS: MEANINGFULNESS, LIFE AND DEATH.
By Dr Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD, The Netherlands
www.marcelderoos.com

Many of my clients, after having spoken about their more imminent issues, often mention existential concerns like choices in their life, how to live and the impermanence of life.

One of my favourite authors is the American existential psychotherapist / psychiatrist Irvin Yalom. In his book “Love’s executioner and other tales of psychotherapy” (and more in detail in his book “Existential psychotherapy”) he writes about his existential perspective. Yalom asserts that in order to discover the fundamental truths of our existence one should make time to reflect. That means personal reflection in silence, solitude and exclusion of distractions (no phone, music, TV, people). By doing so, we can get deeper and experience personal emotions and thoughts. This is not the same as meditating where the aim is often “to quiet the monkey mind”, whereas self-reflection is about confronting your thoughts and especially your emotions.

Yalom differentiates four ultimate concerns which individuals are confronted with in their existential dynamic conflict: death, freedom, isolation and meaninglessness. By confronting these existential truths they can be vessels for personal change and growth.

- Death is the only guarantee we have in life. When we are young we usually hardly think of it because we are so involved with creating and managing our lives, and death seems far away. When we get older, we typically seek solace with rationalising death or we follow a spiritual or religious path. We know about death intellectually, but we tend to dissociate from the terror that comes with the notion of death. But being fully aware of death and accepting it enhances our wisdom and it gives depth to our lives…
- Although we often think of freedom as an unequivocally positive concept, freedom signifies that one is responsible for one’s own choices, life design and actions. It also means that we as humans become very anxious with the absence of any existing structure, and we have to deal with nothingness, which feels like a void, an abyss. The answer lies in taking ownership and make a decision to act.
- Existential isolation is fundamental in the sense of an unbridgeable gap between ourselves and others (even if you’re in a deeply gratifying relationship). Each of us enters life alone and we must depart from it alone. Our wish for contact, protection, our wish to be part of something larger, tries to cover up our awareness of our fundamental isolation. Although there is no solution for existential isolation, we must find our own way to make peace with it.
- Many people seek therapy because they feel empty and search for meaningfulness. Life in itself has no meaning, you’re born and you die, but we can give meaning to our individual lives. Why do we live, how to live, there is no readymade map for us, so we have to construct our own meaning in life. Meaningfulness is a by-product of engagement and commitment, and it can’t be found rationally. Meaning should be searched implicitly, it results from activities where one feels involved with. The outcome often surprises us because there is no rational explanation for it.

As a psychologist it’s a prerequisite to be able to tolerate uncertainty. Clients’ experiences are unique and there are no standard answers. Therapists should refrain from embracing rigid ideological schools and therapeutic systems. Effective therapy lies often in the unexpected and spontaneous conversations.

Marcel de Roos psychologist with practice in Colombo Sri Lanka (corporate) coaching online counselling.

Address

29 Chapel Road
Pita Kotte
10250

Opening Hours

Tuesday 08:00 - 18:00
Wednesday 08:00 - 18:00
Thursday 08:00 - 18:00
Friday 08:00 - 18:00
Saturday 08:00 - 18:00

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Dr. Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD therapist posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The Practice

Send a message to Dr. Marcel de Roos, Psychologist PhD therapist:

Shortcuts

Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on LinkedIn
Share on Pinterest Share on Reddit Share via Email
Share on WhatsApp Share on Instagram Share on Telegram

Category

Our Story

Hi, I am Dr Marcel de Roos (Psychologist PhD, the Netherlands with more than 25 years of experience) and I have a general psychology practice in a residential area in Ethul Kotte. It’s located in my house in comfortable, confidential surroundings and not in public impersonal hospitals.

It’s a big colonial style house with ample parking space close to the main road (Kotte Road), right above Beddagana Wetland Park and next to the Kotte Archaeological Museum. It’s easily accessible from Colombo Centre, Rajagirya, Battaramulla, Nugegoda, Colombo 7 and Colombo 5.

Many of my clients are expats and foreigners. Living in Sri Lanka now for seven years, being Dutch myself and married to my Sri Lankan wife Manjula I can relate to the issues that expats encounter. I work with adults (expat issues, marriage counselling, depression, anxiety, s*xual problems, addictions, trauma therapy, stress, personal development, giving meaning to your life, how to build self-esteem, choosing a profession and career advice, social issues, etc. etc.) and with children (teenager counselling, study related problems, personal and social issues, etc.). Please visit my website www.marcelderoos.com for more information about myself, how I work plus an elaborate route description to my house. For the United States Embassy in Colombo I conduct psychological assessments of US citizens on behalf of the U.S. Social Security Administration.

For the the British Foreign & Commonwealth Office in Colombo I work as a psychologist for their consular staff members.