The Nomad Shaman

29/04/2021

https://jasonsgrad.medium.com/a-magical-weekend-54c500222702

29/04/2021

27/04/2021

This vision was different from all others such that it was the only time I have experienced an audio hallucination. It began as a sound in the sky similar to that of an airplane as it made its way up from the direction of the beach. It started slowly, gradually building in intensity. When it was directly over our location, it seemed to hover over us emitting a low but distinct hum. It gave me the impression of something of enormous size and power but took seemingly several minutes before speeding up and heading over the mountains. My first instinct was to sit up and shout, “Hey is anyone else hearing this?” Unfortunately, I seemed to be inconveniently paralyzed. I very badly wanted to open my eyes and look at what was creating this enormous sound but I was simply unable. My inability to use my eyes at that moment leaves me in the quandary now of describing something I cannot explain.

Initially, I thought it was an airplane, but there was one small issue with this theory. No airplanes fly directly over the location of the retreat center. I was unable to find any two airports utilizing a flight path over this location. During the course of my entire stay, I don’t recall hearing a single one overhead. With the nearby ocean, mountains, and the location of the nearest airport, it simply isn’t possible. The late time of day also makes an airplane unlikely and it was traveling much too slowly. It simply could not have been an airplane.

But if it wasn’t an airplane, what could it have been? It is very possible I imagined the entire thing. I was in a deep psychedelic state and it could be nothing more than a hallucination. The problem with this theory is it represents to my knowledge, the one and only time I had such an experience, despite my regular use of the medicine. I must consider the possibility it may have been something extraterrestrial. I have no proof, but I cannot discount the possibility. Perhaps I wanted to see such a thing and produced this hallucination to indulge my fantasy. Seeing UFOs while under the influence of Ayahuasca is not an uncommon report, many people make such claims. But I didn’t even see anything, I only heard it!. If I had actually seen it, would the experience be any more real? It is odd to me now that I failed to mention this incident to anyone during my stay, I wish very badly now I had. With all the strange visions I experienced during the retreat, apparently hearing a UFO wasn’t even worth mentioning, to anyone.
Excerpt from "I AM Ayahuasca", by Jason Grad

24/04/2021

When Mary came over to call me up in front of Dave this night as the last participant, my consciousness was somewhere far outside my body. It took me several moments to draw my thoughts back to our reality. I first started by simply getting up on fours to child’s position before having to rest again a while. Then I managed to get to my feet without assistance. After taking just two steps, I nearly collapsed. My hands went to my knees as the elevation sickness overwhelmed me and I took several deep breaths there to recover. Mary was there to assist me if needed, but it was still part of my dieta to not have physical contact with anyone. The walk was only about 15 feet and I slowly made my way. Mary put a bucket out for me in case a purge came which I managed to clumsily kick as I sat down. I left my coat on and accepted an additional blanket. It was not any colder that evening but I was shivering uncontrollably.

At that point, one of my most cherished memories of the retreat occurred. I had the presence of mind, despite my weakened state, to be aware of the people around me. I looked over to see Ronin quietly observing me and my struggles. I bowed to him from my seated position fist in hand as a student to master. He acknowledged me very subtly with a head nod. This simple nod from him meant a lot to me. It signified my acceptance into a circle of warriors and acknowledge the difficult work I had done over the previous two weeks. Ronin is my spiritual guide, ‘mi maestro’, and my friend. It was one of my only disappointments of the retreat that I was unable to spend more time with him. It is my hope he one day reads this so he can appreciate how grateful I am to him.

I was unable to linger at that moment too long as my attention was brought back to the task at hand. I would need to have my full attention on Dave who was seated in front of me as a dark hooded presence in order to receive my healing and close out my dieta. What made this chant different from all the others I had received was my noticeably weakened physical condition. I was unable to sit up straight or to control my shivering. I hugged my knees into my chest and tried desperately to keep my attention on Dave. I managed to sit through the chants and when it ended, my dieta was closed. I immediately asked for help, the one and only time I have ever done so in ceremony. I did not particularly need help, but I asked for it anyway. Mary came over to assist me and I leaned on her more heavily than I needed to, with my arm around her. She is an attractive woman and I welcomed the physical contact, particularly since it had been nearly two weeks since I had touched anyone. She spoke to me “good work Jason” as I filled with pride with all I had accomplished.

Excerpt from "I am Ayahuasca", by Jason Grad

22/04/2021

Manifest your Reality

If you want to have something show up in your life, you obviously must first be able to imagine it. Your imagination is able to do all that you ask in proportion to the degree of your attention.

So what kind of attention do you place on your desires?

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited, imagination encircles the world. Logic will get you from A to B, but imagination will take you everywhere.” Albert Einstein.

Make your future dream a present fact by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled. That which you feel yourself to be, you are. You are given that which you are.

Assume the feeling that would be yours, were you already win possession of your wish, and your wish must be realized. So live in the feeling of being the one you want to be, and that you shall be.

If this assumption about what you would like to become is persisted until it becomes your dominant feeling, the attainment of your ideal is absolutely inevitable.

You must first assume the feeling of a wish fulfilled in all aspects of your life.

Don’t allow anyone else’s opinions to say what is possible for you.
If you advance confidently in the direction of your own dreams and endeavor to love the life that you have imagined, you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

It will chase after you if you can place into your imagination what it is you would like to attract and you will begin to feel it.

Start retraining your subconscious mind, your subconscious mind responds to what it is you suggest to it. Your subconscious mind rules your life. 96% of everything that you do is the result of your subconscious mind, and when your subconscious mind is programmed, it goes ahead and responds to whatever your conscious mind has placed into it.
You are the creator. This is the mystery.

This is the great secret known by the seers, the prophets, and the mystics throughout the ages. This is a great truth that you can never know intellectually.

Your imagination will become your feelings. Your feelings will become your thoughts. Your thoughts will become your words. Your words will become your reality.

Inspired by Wayne Dyer

20/04/2021

The next vision I recall was being up on a mountain top. I stood high on my perch gazing down at society below me. I observed people as they went about their busy little lives. I no longer considered myself to be a member of their society, somehow I had become separated. I observed them objectively with curiosity and compassion. I retained the ability to interact with them while remaining separate and retreating again to my mountain top.

This is how I see myself now, and my relationship with others around me. I still interact with society, but I am not part of it. I have grown beyond the common fears and distractions that infect our society like cancer. I see clearly the injustices that inflict and enslave us. I feel this pain and am called to absorb it from others and enlighten those who wish to see it. I am but one man, but this is my life's purpose.

Higher levels of consciousness such as these are difficult to attain. They are even more difficult to make a permanent state and need to be protected once achieved. I then understood the importance of the diet. This is the reason one abstains from alcohol, promiscuous s*x, and junk food, it is for the protection of these states of being. Things like video games and TV make us dumber unable to progress. I would indulge in these activities with extreme caution in the future as they put my newly found peace at risk.

I formed a new mantra to recite, "When you are in need of nothing, you are free to give everything". What was I still hanging on to, that I no longer needed?

Excerpt from "I Am Ayahuasca" by Jason Grad

17/04/2021

"Shadow Work is the path of a Heart Warrior." - Carl Jung

The "Shadow Warrior" template works behind the scenes.

I have never met a true shaman who didn't have this template. They have gone in places most people can't even speak about. They understand the emotional depths of the human condition, able to connect them to their corresponding realms.

They are particularly attuned to shadows, dark whisperings, energies that haven't seen the light in a long time. They are familiar with every kind of demon imaginable. Their morbid curiosity allows them to stand unwavering in the face of a demon when most people would run.

They can read your life experience through your voice and body language, and they can see the microexpressions on your face that dictate what you truly mean to say. It's hard to lie to a shadow worker because they are familiar with all the workings of the ego too.

They're the ones who can take you by the hand and gently guide you to meet your Dark Feminine or Dark Masculine. They can take you to meet your ancestors who committed heinous unforgivable deeds. They can find all your traumatized inner child aspects playing "hide and seek" in the shadows. It's not a glamorous job by any means, but they get the job done.
This template is necessary as a foundation for collective evolution, as they open the Pandora's Boxes one by one, so we can finally meet the shadows we didn't even realize were following us and bring them into the light.

They carry the frequency of the richness of magenta, violet, and turquoise to help them transmute these dense energies. Their main animal totem is the black jaguar who aids them in transmutation.

They are natural exorcists and are drawn to professions like death doula, healer, breathwork practitioner, medicine holder, etc. They have the capacity to open up and hold space for our darker aspects to be witnessed.
Shadow workers understand the cycle that at night, we experience the most of the darkness.

But as soon as the sun rises, that's when we experience absolute love... unconditional love.

Dyan Bitan

15/04/2021

Excerpt from "I Am Ayahuasca" by Jason Grad

The chachalacas were squawking irreverently and the trees were bombarding the jungle floor with seed pods the size of walnuts as I made my walk of shame back to my bed overlooking the dense Mexican forrest. It had been an agonizingly long night without any sleep. I longed only to close my eyes and let it all be over for 8 hours but making it back to my room was proving much more difficult than anticipated. Slowly placing one foot after the other like a drunkard walking a straight line for a cop, I progressed. The ground was uncooperative, taunting me with its inconsistency.

I had stopped to rest twice already, once after using the outdoor toilet and again in the kitchen. It was still too early for even the kitchen staff to be working and I wondered if I were to scream for help if anyone would even hear me. Surely someone would eventually find me lying on the path. It could always be worse I thought, at least it wasn’t 30 below zero and snowing, my sick sense of humor emerging.

Down the path past the kitchen, over the land bridge, past two ‘casas’ on my left, slowly I made my way to my room. I still had to make it up 32 stone steps and the treacherous staircase to my bed. I tried to push through the nausea and fatigue, but no, I was not going to make it collapsing to my knees at the foot of the stairs. I begged for relief in the form of vomiting, but knew it was unlikely.

I found myself with my face next to an enormous tree root crossing the pathway. There were so many roots, it was difficult to even know which trunk it belonged to. It was at this moment, I began seriously questioning my life choices.

WTF was I doing here? An image came to me of my friends and family lying peacefully in their beds spooning their spouses under warm blankets. Why was I not doing the same? Why was I instead communing with this tree root in the middle of the Mexican jungle at the break of dawn? What is it inside me pushing me to be in these situations instead of simply being content with normal like everyone else?

I vowed then to be more compassionate to myself. There is no need for me to be as hard as I am on myself. I need to learn contentment with accomplishing less and practice forgiveness toward myself for not achieving the life I thought would make me happy.

The following story is a classic hero’s journey of a single man on a quest. It details the personal transformation I experienced primarily through my work with the medicine Ayahuasca over the course of 18 months. This ancient medicine allowed my body and mind to heal itself, and allowed peacefulness to emerge.

13/04/2021

I mercifully managed to get a few hours of sleep before the ceremony that night. I ate as much rice and lentils as I could manage, but less than I had hoped for. There was no need to drink the chiric tea that evening as the last dose was administered the previous evening.

The one thing I was dreading the most that evening was actually drinking the Ayahuasca. The thought of doing so alone made me want to throw up. The taste of the brew was becoming progressively worse. Originally, I did not mind the taste so much, but by the end of my dieta, the taste of it had become absolutely vile. Imagine if you would, the taste and texture of spoilt and chunky blueberry milk infused with tequila. This regression in taste is a common phenomenon. Over time, your body learns to associate the medicine with physical trauma. The nausea is an attempt by the body to discourage the drinking of the Ayahuasca. I summoned all the courage I could muster to get it down.

the medicine that night. It took several minutes after drinking before the ‘heebie-jeebies' finally settled. This is why it would be nearly impossible for a person to become addicted to this medicine. The body actively discourages its use with violent repulsion and the gag reflex. Ayahuasca requires a great deal of courage to consume and should never be considered a substance people use purely for pleasure.

Excerpt from "I Am Ayahuasca" by Jason Grad

10/04/2021

My third ceremony began quietly. I took my shot and sat back down to my mat to wait. Shortly after doing so, the visions began with what seemed like travelling through wormholes to alternate dimensions.

This continued for what seemed like an hour with beautiful imagery. Eventually, I would meet a dark traveller. She was a dark translucent figure with indistinct features. I told her I was on a quest to cleanse my heart. She inferred without speaking she could help and reached into my chest removing my heart.

I assumed she intended to clean it somehow. Instead, she took it and vanished. "Oh, s**t", I yelled at her "I'm going to need that back!", but it was no use. She was gone, and so too was my heart.

I spent a good amount of time that night searching for this mysterious figure. Every person I encountered, I asked if they had seen my heart. One man responded by flashing me his p***s and saying "no but have you seen my dick?". It seemed to be a response aiming for humour.

Another woman asked if I had seen her p***y, and I was then pulled into her and a room of beautiful pink and purple walls. Well this is very nice I told her, but I did not wish to be distracted for too long. I still had a gaping hole in my chest requiring urgent attention.

The solution arose near the end of the night when I felt a ball of white light emerging from inside my chest. It grew larger and stronger until it burned as bright as a star in my chest. The heart chakra is typically inferred as being green, but this was instead a brilliant white flame. I still carry this star within me and can summon it when needed.

The lesson is you can have your heart broken or even stolen by someone, but it is never really gone. It is always within you to grow your heart back even more brilliantly than before. I have this power, and so does everyone else.

The dark figure I later realized, was clearly my ex-wife. Anytime I find myself having negative feelings about her now, I can summon this star to absorb and destroy that pain.

Excerpt from "I Am Ayahuasca" by Jason Grad

Art by Justin Copeland