27/03/2026
< What A Mess! >
“It’s totally fine if you find yourself in a mess”
I came across these words while scrolling through my Instagram one day.
They reminded me of someone I met before.
Ms. J’s father just had a stroke. She talked about how she nearly arrived late for an important appointment, how the following days became increasingly overwhelming and how she even forgot her father’s medications once, and then how she tried to accommodate her father’s last-minute appointments. Nothing seemed to go the way she had planned. She was so upset.
“I feel like I’m stuck in a swamp, I’m struggling to set my feet and get messy. It feels awful.”
She became anxious and tense. The more she tried to pull herself together, the more everything seemed to fall apart. Eventually, she paused. Instead of fighting the chaos, she asked herself a different question:
“Why this mess?”
It is natural for us to feel uneasy when facing unfamiliar situation. When life becomes unpredictable, our routines are disrupted and things may feel chaotic or out of order.
So, Ms. J sat with the mess instead.
When Ms. J looked into the messes more closely, she began to notice something else.
While she started focusing more on her father, she had slowly pushed aside her own needs.
She did not get sufficient sleep and her daily routines were disrupted. She barely had time to process her thoughts and emotions.
She realised the mess was trying to send her a message.
“Perhaps the ways things have been done no longer fits the life you are living now.”
With her father’s stroke, she had unexpectedly stepped into a new role — a caregiver.
Her attention had shifted almost completely to caring for him.
The chaos and challenges she experienced marked the significant transition - learning how to live within a life that had suddenly changed.
Gradually, she adjusted her schedule and routines. She learned to accept and commit to her new role, and she found things slowly falling back into the places.
She was able to have quality of sleep and her emotions became more stable. She even found small pockets of time to return to hobbies she once enjoyed.
So, what if you find yourself in a mess again?
Perhaps the mess is not only a problem to fix, but also a message to listen to.
Notice how you respond to it. Give yourself the space to sit with it. Sometimes the mess is asking us to change, adjust or let go what no longer fits.
And eventually, you will discover that you have the strength to walk through the mud — and come out steadier on the other side.
Jie Xi, a counsellor who loves nature
