Cheryl Chin - Mental Health Counsellor

22/07/2025

We often think the hardest part of parenting will be managing our child’s behaviour — 
the meltdowns, the resistance, the chaos…

But the real work?

What truly stretches us is staying present when we feel triggered.

It’s staying calm when every part of you wants to react.
It’s pausing before the words you can’t take back.
It’s holding the boundary without losing ourselves in the process.
It’s keeping our hearts open, even when our patience is wearing thin.

The real challenge isn’t controlling them — it’s regulating ourselves. This is where most of us were never taught what to do.

We weren’t given the tools to pause, to ground, to respond with intention instead of reaction.

But that doesn’t mean it’s too late.

This is the work. And it can be learned.
Step by step. Layer by layer.

And when it is — it changes everything. ❤️

Quote Credit: ❣️

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30/06/2025

When your child messes up, the way you respond shapes how safe they feel in the world.

Not just with you, but with themselves.

If every mistake is met with judgment or harsh words, they don’t learn better behavior.
They learn to hide.
They learn to be afraid of being human.

But if they see you pause and choose calm, they learn that mistakes are a part of life.
They learn it’s safe to be seen—even when they’re struggling.
They learn that love doesn’t disappear when things get hard.

This is how you become their safe place.
Not by being perfect, but by staying present.

29/06/2025

The trouble with parent-child enmeshment.

29/06/2025

Dear Parent: This is the letter that I wish I could write.  This fight we are in right now. I need it. I need this fight. I can’t tell you this because I don’t have the language for it and it wouldn’t make sense anyway. But I need this fight. Badly. I need to hate you right now and I need

21/06/2025

23/05/2025

15/04/2025

Sometimes hard and scary things happen that we need to navigate with our children. If you’re working through a tough situation as a family right now, I want you to know that I see you. I see how hard you’re working to make sure you shield your kids from as much of the tough stuff as possible.

Breathe. You aren’t going to do or say the perfect things to your kids during all of life’s hard moments. But your presence, even if it’s imperfect? That’s what matters.

Thanks for the excellent reminder 💚

26/03/2025

In our relationships, we have control over one thing: ourselves. We cannot control our partner(s), though changing our own behavior can sometimes have influence, potentially impacting the relational pattern or dynamic.

For example, if your partner tends to yell when they’re upset, you cannot make them stop yelling. You can, however, let them know that when they raise their voice, you feel anxious/flooded/scared. You can let them know that you need to take a break and leave the room. By doing this, it may influence the course of the interaction.

Regarding relationship issues, focusing on ourselves is often more empowering and therapeutic. Trying to change someone else can often feel defeating.

[Image description: A Venn diagram of two intersecting circles. The first circle is labeled, “partner,” the second circle is labeled, “self,” and the intersection is labeled, “relationship.” Next to the partner circle, there’s an arrow next to the words, “what you cannot control.” Next to the relationship intersection is an arrow next to the words, “what you can influence.” Next to the self circle is an arrow next to the words, “what you can control.”]

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

11/03/2025

To find out our triggers we need to start being aware of our reactions. We really need to sit back and work out if our reaction really was justified. Chances are if you felt your heart rate spike quickly in response to your child, then you were triggered. When you are calm and able to think about what might have been your underlying reason for being angry. Was it anger? or was it hurt, sadness or fear? Be real with yourself, remember we can't change what we don't acknowledge. When we really look at our thoughts and feelings behind these situations we might be surprised at how unrealistic they are, but that's because they were an automatic response and we weren't able to think through them at the time.

Common thoughts behind our triggers could be:

You don't respect me

this is not convenient

I don't know what to do

I can't cope

I feel unappreciated

I expect you to do more than you can

I can't do what I want to do

More information in my book

Guidance from The Therapist Parent
Available on my website www.thetherapistparent.com and on Amazon

11/03/2025

DM me SORRYSCRIPTS and I'll send you my Apology Scripts PDF (it's free) so you can start making better repairs in your relationships!💛
The last time I shared this post was in 2019, and over {31,000} people saved it.

What that tells me is that the experience of an authentic apology is still a struggle for many people.

When people can learn to offer and graciously receive an authentic apology, relationship satisfaction greatly increases.

Below are the same word I shared 6 years ago thaf still ring true:

An apology is not .. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

An apology is some version of .. “I’m sorry that what I did hurt you, and I will be more mindful of this in the future” or “I’m sorry, and I really care about your feelings.”

The first apologies are expressed from our (defensiveness).

They come from our resistance to feel what giving a true apology may evoke in us .. such as tears, shame, or sadness for feeling how we may have (unintentionally) hurt our loved one.

The second apologies (when genuinely expressed) are shared from the heart.

We can all feel when we become resistant in these moments.

We can choose to get curious as to (why) we get defensive.

We can choose to take that powerful first step .. and simply own it.

“Sh*t I feel defensive about this and I’m not sure why.”

Perhaps there was a pattern of pride in our family dynamic or in our culture that gets in the way.

Perhaps our parents never apologized to each other.

Perhaps our parents never apologized (to us) when we were kids. This a big one.

Perhaps we were shamed into apologizing to grown ups and now panic at the thought of revisiting that dreadfully familiar experience.

Perhaps we simply just don’t know what a healthy version looks like.

So maybe, we can start there:

“I absolutely want to apologize, but I’m realizing something is off with me. I’m so sorry about that. I’m not sure what that’s about .. but I’m gonna try to figure it out.”

That kind of genuine and and uncomfortable vulnerability can sometimes be as powerful as the apology itself.

And it’s a hell of a lot better than looking at our partner with a cold, icy and defensive look that comes up when we resist leaning into that important moment.
// Silvy Khoucasian

What comes up for you as you read this?

27/11/2024