Cheryl Chin - Mental Health Counsellor

22/11/2025

We talk a lot about teaching, correcting, and shaping our children…
but none of it lands without connection.

A child doesn’t follow guidance because we’re bigger, louder, or in charge.
They follow it because they feel safe with us.
Because the relationship matters to them.
Because their nervous system is steady enough in our presence to actually hear what we’re saying.

Connection isn’t the soft alternative to discipline — it’s the foundation that makes discipline meaningful.

When a child feels understood, they’re more open.
When they feel respected, they’re more receptive.
When they feel valued, they’re more willing to trust our lead.

That’s why the real work happens before the instruction ever leaves our mouth — in the tone we use, the presence we offer, the relationship we choose to protect.

Because guidance only really sticks when a child feels anchored to the person giving it. ❤️

Quote Credit: ❣️

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12/11/2025

Emotional connection is what can turn a relationship from familiar to safe. When you share your inner world, your feelings, fears, and hopes, your brain releases oxytocin. This is the “bonding” hormone that helps us feel calm, grounded, and seen.

Unfortunately, for many people, that kind of intimacy can feel both deeply desired and threatening at the same time.

You see, your nervous system remembers how safe (or unsafe) it once felt to be vulnerable. So, if opening up feels scary, or if your partner shuts down when you try, your body (or theirs) might be moving to protection mode.

I would love for you to see these questions as an invitation. They are meant to help you gently build a bridge of emotional safety over time by learning each other’s inner worlds through conversation.

To make it feel less like an interrogation, avoid asking them all at once. You don’t even need to get a “deep” answer. Sometimes, just showing interest and listening with curiosity can begin to rewire what connection feels like in your nervous system.

And remember, emotional intimacy is build through consistency, presence, and repair, not perfection. As both partners begin to feel safe, vulnerability starts to feel more like love.

29/10/2025

When a child’s behaviour makes us want to pull back, that’s usually the moment they need us most.

It’s easy to stay close when they’re calm, kind, and cooperative. It’s harder when their pain shows up as defiance, disrespect, or distance.

But beneath every outburst, every slammed door, every “leave me alone,” is a nervous system crying out for safety.

Connection doesn’t excuse the behaviour — it explains it. And once we understand, we can guide with empathy instead of control.

Because a child who feels safe doesn’t need to fight for power.
A child who feels seen doesn’t have to shout to be heard.
And a child who feels connected learns that love can hold space for even their hardest moments.

When we meet their chaos with calm, we become the anchor they can return to. That’s not permissiveness — that’s leadership. It’s what teaches them that love doesn’t disappear when they’re at their worst.

So the next time their behaviour pushes you away, pause before you step back. Take a breath, soften your tone, and reach in — not to fix, but to connect.

Because the behaviour is just the language.
The real message is always the same: I need you. ❤️


Quote Credit: Kelly Bartlett❣️

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28/10/2025

I'm curious: Where do you experience your greatest sense of belonging?

27/10/2025

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23/10/2025

I'm curious: Who's the first person you thought of when you read this?

23/10/2025

Being able to tolerate some level of rejection is a relationship skill. It’s inevitable that not every need will be met and that we will hear the word “no” many times.

Of course, we want to cultivate relationships that are balanced, secure, and involve reciprocity. But even in these relationships there is rejection. We aren’t always on the same page. We don’t always want the same things. Relationships require negotiation.

I enjoyed listening to Esther Perel on the Diary of a CEO podcast.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

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