16/03/2023
YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I remember vividly in 2007,I had in my childish nature carved out the pictures of naira notes in my previous year book. I knew I had seen others do that without any disturbance of any kind. Somehow along the process I was reported to my teacher and I knee I was in deep trouble.
I thought the beating was the worst already, until she began to roll her words out, Of the many phrases she said to me, this stuck to me like a plague.
"Just take a look at yourself"
"Shey you know you are not good at anything".
I just stood looking at her like a bird with broken wings.
That phrase was no longer a new one to me. I had heard it over and over again and again until it became like an anthem after my name.
Growing up as a little girl was very hard for me.
I lost every bit of confidence I should ever had had at a very young stage.
And of course at every point, people kept reminding me like I had forgotten already, that I wasn't good enough.
I used to think to myself everyday, that I was a mistake that God made.
Just one handwork that didn't come out right.
I hated myself so badly, so much.
Nothing I did was ever right...
So I started to believe I wasn't enough.
Not good enough
Not beautiful enough.
Not smart enough.
Not elegant enough.
Not enough to be loved.
Just not enough for anything.
If only I knew it was lie. A horrible deceit that I lived in for years in my life.
( REAL)
Sweetheart, I heard you are not enough because you have made alot of mistakes in life.
Your lack of self confidence can be traced to the imperfections around you.
And each day you wonder why you are just this way.
You ask yourself, if you couldn't have been any other way but this. Anything just not this.
And since this is a battle on your inside, you are both the captain and the army
Dearie I have discovered how hard you beat yourself in comparison with others.
How much you wish you could run away from yourself.
You struggle each day at first, believing, that you could be remade.
Until finally, you give up. You begin to live this life, like it was truly yours to live.
You are like a double edged sword.
Sweet smiling awesome person on the outside but a broken soul with bitterness and anger, fighting a battle that only God knows.
Inferiority complex sets in, even the little you knew becomes nothing anymore to you.
You afraid to come out on the outside world for fear that, it won't turn out good.
So you seek validation from human beings around you.
Just maybe if you please them, you could be enough.
And that dearie is the beginning of an unending life of pains and frustrations.
Every one at a point may feel down or a little bit inferior, but living with not good enough mentality is a hard one.
It often breed anxiety and panic attacks.
Most times what is holding us tends to be around us.
Since this is a programing in your subconscious mind, it needs to be reprogrammed again.
Understanding that only you can remake this will help you through.
So if you have a routine already, try to add this to it.
Wake up every day, place your hands on your heart and say to yourself,
I ( your name) I am more than enough for everything.
Sincerely, write down all the faults you have as a person.
Consciously work on them..
This is a consistent pratice..
Having in mind that anything we do everyday grows.
You will fail alot of times.
You will make even more mistakes.
You won't get it at times.
You may miss this routine some days.
Don't ever stop.
If you determine to, one day you will wake up to a reality at how awesome you truly are.
You owe yourself this.
One day, the accolades that fuels your confidence may not come,
You need to have a strong self esteem to survive.
As much as possible avoid comparison of any kind.
You are the best of the best.
To your rising and a balanced healthy mental health.
From me
A Goddess filled with so much love and awesomeness.
