03/12/2025
Lately, I have had a consultation with my mums and this brings me to this.
When the news is good, but the feeling is heavy.
We need to talk about the darkest secret of the "blessed" mother.
It’s the moment you finally get the positive test you prayed for, perhaps after years of IVF or trying. You expect a cinematic rush of euphoria. Instead, a fog rolls in. You feel detached. Anxious. Weepy.
Then comes the secondary wave: The Guilt.
You tell yourself, "I wanted this. I fought for this. How dare I feel sad? I’m being ungrateful."
I am here to stop that spiral right now.
This isn't ungratefulness. This is often Perinatal Distress.
While we talk often about Postpartum Depression (after birth), we rarely discuss the mental health toll during pregnancy. Your body is undergoing the most rapid hormonal fluctuation known to human biology. For many, this triggers anxiety and depressive episodes regardless of how much they want the baby.
Consider this: If you broke your leg running a marathon you trained for years, would you say, "I can't feel pain because I wanted to run this race"? No. You would acknowledge the injury while still valuing the race.
Your mental health is the same.
You are allowed to hold space for two opposing truths:
You are deeply thankful to be a mother.
You are currently struggling to cope with the process.
" Your feelings are data, not a definition of your character". Feeling sad today does not predict your ability to bond with your child tomorrow.
Drop the "shoulds"—I should be happy, I should be glowing. Focus on the "is"—I am here. I am growing life. I am worthy of support.
If the heaviness is outweighing the hope, send me a DM. You don't have to carry the baby and the burden all by yourself.
Chisom Grace Mental Health Therapist.
