18/07/2025
📌 9 Unhealthy Responses To Conflict In Marriage
There is nothing wrong with couples disagreeing in marriage.
Healthy couples have conflicts and issues they must settle, but it becomes problematic when you don't know how to fight.
Here are 9 unhealthy responses to conflict that can destroy your marriage.
1️⃣ Avoidance or Ignoring: This is one disservice you can do to yourself when you have issues to settle. Never take the route of ignoring or avoiding the conflict, hoping it will resolve itself.
2️⃣ Resentment: This is another dangerous way to respond to conflict in marriage. When you allow unresolved conflicts to build up over time, it leads to a deep-seated resentment towards your partner. The terrible thing about resentment is that it can lead to drifting because you suddenly see anything good in your spouse again.
3️⃣ Criticism: Some couples respond by criticising their partner. This means you are attacking your partner's character or personality rather than addressing the issue. Whenever you have issues, attack the issue with respect; that is a sign of maturity.
4️⃣ Blaming: A lot of couples settle for shifting blame to their spouse. Have you forgotten that your first uncle, Adam, who did it, still collects his punishment? So, why are you emulating a bad thing? Shifting all responsibility onto your partner without acknowledging your contributions to the conflict is bad. One person can never be wrong alone in marriage, as it takes two to tango.
5️⃣ Defensiveness: When you become defensive and refuse to take responsibility or listen to your partner's perspective because you feel you're better than them or you have not done anything bad, this is not a good response to conflict if you desire a great marriage.
6️⃣ Stonewalling: Shutting down emotionally and refusing to engage in the conversation is bad. Never respond to conflict by stonewalling, because you will still come back to what you ran from.
7️⃣ Gaslighting: Manipulating your partner's perception of reality, making them doubt their memory, sanity, and emotions, and making them feel as if they are always the problem is a sign that you have emotional issues that you are dealing with, and you just want to blame them. It is better to solve your problem than to gaslight.
8️⃣ Invalidating feelings: Dismissing or belittling your partner's emotions and not taking them seriously will not make you feel better. It is wrong to invalidate what you don't understand or undermine the pain you have not gone through.
9️⃣ Passive-aggressiveness and holding grudges: I usually tell couples that do this when they come for counselling that they are babies. Even babies can't hold grudges because their hearts are pure. Indirectly expressing anger or frustration through subtle jabs, sarcasm, or backhanded comments is not good.
Bonus Points:
Emotional blackmail and punishing your spouse with s*x: Punishing your spouse by withdrawing love, attention, affection, support, or physical intimacy unless they comply with your demands is a sign of immaturity. Grow up, my dear!
The only great way to respond to conflict is through communication. I will be dropping the healthy way to respond tomorrow.
You can also get my book, titled The Building Blocks Of A Blissful Marriage, which has strategies that will help you. The good news is that it is an ebook that you can read on any device. Let me know if you need it.
Remember, the blissful marriage you want also wants you.
I need to remind you again.
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Bisi Ojolo
Holistic Counsellor: Relationship and Marriage Counsellor | Trauma Healing Expert | Intimacy Coach | Postpartum Counsellor | Author | Public Speaker
