25/07/2025
HEALING FROM EMOTIONAL WOUND
She was the quiet one. Not because she didn’t have anything to say, but because every time she spoke up at home, she was shut down. She was mocked, compared, and ignored. Her father’s words cut her confidence. Her mother’s silence wounded her deeply. At 34, she still doesn’t believe compliments can be genuine or sincere - and never truly feels she deserves them. She has mastered strength in public and silence in private.
No bruises on her skin. But her soul? Covered in scars.
Some wounds don’t come from strangers. They come from the ones who raised us. Who fed us but didn’t affirm us. Who taught us survival, but not safety. Who birthed us, but instilled fear in us.
We learned to function with fractured, unhealthy foundations. To overachieve instead of feel. To shut down instead of speak up. To either perform for love or protect ourselves from it. Often, our motivation for doing something is to run away from pain, not run towards purpose.
Not all scars are visible. Some show up in our marriages, our parenting, our friendships, our tone, our silence, our need to control, our fear of abandonment, our daily routines, and even in our achievements.
But here’s the truth: what you don’t repair, you will repeat. And this is where healing begins - when awareness becomes intention.
As someone trained to walk people through emotional healing, here are practical tools I want you to carry:
Power of Nomenclature:�Name the wound. When it has a name, it can be identified. When it can be identified, it can be handled. Healing begins with emotional honesty. Use language to locate what happened. Not just, “I had a hard childhood,” but “I felt invisible. I learned that love had conditions.” Not just, “My parents were strict,” but “We were verbally, emotionally, and physically abused.” Even the emotional and verbal abuse should be named. Language breaks the cycle of silent suffering.
Separate the facts from the stories:�Your brain stores trauma as stories: “I’m not good enough.” “People always leave.” “I’m too much.” But these are the stories you’ve been telling yourself. The facts are often different. If you look closely, you’ll find you’ve been more than good enough, more people have stayed than left, and you’ve underestimated yourself far more than you’ve ever given yourself credit. Challenge the script. Reframe the belief.
Regulate. Don’t just react:�Learn what your body does when it feels unsafe. Do you people-please? Withdraw? Lash out? Begin to notice, name, and interrupt your automatic responses. Awareness gives you power. Practice gives you peace.
Reparent your inner child:�The version of you who was neglected, belittled, or emotionally starved still lives within. There’s a younger you still waiting to feel seen. Healing means reaching back and holding that part of yourself with the love you never got. Reparenting means offering yourself the validation, safety, and compassion you didn’t receive then, but need now. There’s a wounded child behind the strong adult. Healing begins when you stop performing and start nurturing that child with grace.
Forgiveness is nervous system work, not just spiritual obedience:�You’re not weak for struggling to forgive. It’s not just a decision, it’s a process of release, layer by layer, thought by thought. You can say “I forgive you” with your mouth and still carry resentment in your body. Real forgiveness takes emotional rewiring, not just words. It’s not a one-time act, it’s a journey your mind, body, and emotions must take together.
Healing is a journey:
Healing doesn’t erase the memory. It removes the sting. You’ll still remember what happened, but healing means it no longer controls you. Your past may still be visible, but it doesn’t have to control the volume of your present.
As the popular saying goes, “You may not have come from a healthy family, but a healthy family can come from you.”
See, healing isn’t a destination. It’s a journey of remembering who you were before you learned to survive.
Let grace write the next chapter.
Matthew Femi-Adedoyin�July 2025�Lagos, Nigeria
