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YOU CAN’T HEAL WHAT YOU HIDEHealing doesn’t begin when the pain stops. It begins the moment you dare to say, “I’m not ok...
14/10/2025

YOU CAN’T HEAL WHAT YOU HIDE

Healing doesn’t begin when the pain stops. It begins the moment you dare to say, “I’m not okay.” Those three words may sound simple, but they carry the weight of courage. For many, saying them feels like defeat. Like an admission of weakness, a crack in the armour they’ve built to survive. Yet, that very crack is where the light begins to enter.

Most people never heal, not because healing is impossible, but because they are too afraid to be seen as broken. Society has conditioned us to wear masks, to appear strong, composed, and unshaken, even when we are bleeding inside. But here’s the paradox: the more you hide your wounds, the deeper they fester. Vulnerability is not weakness; it is strength under the pressure of truth. It is the courage to confront yourself without filters, to stop pretending and start living.

The silence around addiction is suffocating. It tells you that you’re the only one battling this darkness. It whispers lies. “No one will understand.” “You’ll lose everything if they find out.” And so, you hide, thinking secrecy protects you. But silence doesn’t protect; it imprisons. Isolation is the breeding ground of shame, and shame thrives in the dark. The moment you open up, you bring light into that darkness, and light always exposes and weakens the hold of pain.

As a therapist, I’ve learnt that vulnerability is not just emotional exposure, it is a cognitive and behavioural shift. It rewires the brain’s fear circuits, teaching your mind that openness is safe and connection is healing. Every time you speak your truth, you interrupt the neural pathways that link shame with secrecy. You begin to recondition your subconscious from “I must hide to survive” to “I can heal by being seen.”

When clients come to me for addiction recovery, I often ask them: “Who do you respect deeply, someone whose opinion matters to you, who might be disappointed but won’t destroy you with judgement?” Then I tell them, “Go and tell that person your story.” Not because confession magically fixes addiction, but because communication disarms it. Addiction feeds on deception, not just the lies you tell others, but the ones you tell yourself. When you speak, you break that loop. You strip your addiction of its secrecy, and in doing so, you reclaim your power.

Many hesitate. They fear losing their reputation. They cling to the illusion of control - the polished image that keeps others impressed but keeps them imprisoned. What they don’t realise is that reputation is who people think you are; character is who you truly are. Healing demands that you prioritise character over image. Your reputation might fall for a while, but your soul will rise.

You can’t fight what you refuse to face, and you can’t face what you keep secret. Suppression only amplifies what you’re trying to silence. Emotional avoidance might numb the pain for a moment, but it strengthens the very patterns you’re trying to break. Avoidance reinforces anxiety. Every time you avoid, your brain learns that your fears are valid. But every time you face them, your brain rewires. Vulnerability is exposure therapy for the soul. It teaches your nervous system that honesty won’t destroy you, it will free you.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s the decision to be honest despite it. Fear will tell you to wait for a safer moment, a better day, or the right person. But there’s no perfect timing for truth. The right moment is always now. The longer you delay vulnerability, the stronger the chains of shame become.

So, who can you safely open up to this week? A trusted mentor, therapist, or friend who listens without condemnation? Choose honesty today. Speak even if your voice trembles. Cry if you must, but speak. Because silence keeps you sick, and truth sets you free.

Healing doesn’t come to the one who hides; it comes to the one who dares to be seen. Vulnerability is not the end of your strength, it is the beginning of your freedom.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
October 2025
Lagos, Nigeria

ADDICTION ISN’T ABOUT STRENGTHVery long years ago, when I was battling with ma********on, I thought determination would ...
11/10/2025

ADDICTION ISN’T ABOUT STRENGTH

Very long years ago, when I was battling with ma********on, I thought determination would save me. I made vows, I cried, I fasted. I begged God to either take away the urge or take my life. There were nights I threatened heaven, promising never to do it again, and yet a day or two later, there I was, back at it. Sometimes while reading my Bible, the urge would creep in like a thief, and before I knew it, I’d fallen again. The guilt was unbearable. I thought I lacked faith, discipline, or strength. But that wasn’t the problem. My problem wasn’t weakness, it was wiring.

If willpower could set you free, you’d be free already.

We’ve been told for years, “Just stop it!” or “Try harder!” But addiction doesn’t bow to determination; it bows to transformation. Willpower can get you started, it can make you delete the videos, block the websites, swear an oath, and cry at the altar. But willpower doesn’t have the power to rewrite what your brain has automated. Addiction doesn’t live in your conscious mind, it lives in your subconscious, the part of you that runs your routines, emotions, and responses on autopilot.

Think of it this way: your conscious mind is the driver, but your subconscious is the engine. You can grip the steering wheel all you want, but if the engine is programmed to veer left, you’ll always end up back in the same ditch.

That’s why you can promise, pray, and punish yourself, yet still return to the same cycle. You’re not fighting your will, you’re fighting your wiring. Every time you give in to the urge, your brain takes note and builds a pathway: trigger → urge → relief → guilt → resolve → relapse. Over time, this becomes a loop. Like a neurochemical groove so deep that even when you decide to stop, your body still remembers how to crave.

You can’t outshout your subconscious with motivational speeches. You can’t fast your way out of a behavioural loop. You behaved yourself into it; you’ll have to behave your way out.

This is where reprogramming comes in. You must retrain your brain to associate pleasure, safety, and comfort with healthier actions. For instance, if ma********on gave you a sense of calm or escape, you need to find a healthy habit that provides the same sense of relief - exercise, journaling, creativity, meditation, genuine connection. The goal isn’t to suppress desire; it’s to redirect it.

You need to identify the thought patterns that drive your compulsions. The lies your brain tells you like, “I can’t handle this stress unless I do it.” Then you must replace those lies with truth-based thoughts that empower your choices. You also need to rewire your subconscious associations. To teach your mind to detach pleasure from the destructive habit and attach it instead to something life-giving.

Freedom is not about fighting the old, it’s about wiring in the new. You can’t remove darkness by wrestling it; you remove it by switching on the light.

So, before you condemn yourself for not being “strong enough,” remember: this isn’t about strength, it’s about strategy. You don’t need more guilt or longer fasts. You need understanding. You need to learn your triggers, retrain your brain, and build a new rhythm of reward.

True change begins the moment you stop fighting yourself and start retraining your mind.

You don’t just need stronger willpower, you need a renewed mind.

So ask yourself: are you still trying to win your battle with force, or are you finally ready to win it with understanding?

Because willpower may get you through a day, but reprogramming will get you through life.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
October 2025
Lagos, Nigeria

ADDICTED TO THE ESCAPEThere are moments in life when the weight within becomes heavier than what words can carry. When s...
10/10/2025

ADDICTED TO THE ESCAPE

There are moments in life when the weight within becomes heavier than what words can carry. When silence feels safer than honesty, and escape feels easier than endurance. For many, this is where addiction begins, not in the search for pleasure, but in the longing for relief.

You’re not addicted to the substance; you’re addicted to the escape. To the momentary peace that helps you forget what hurts. To the illusion of control that numbs what you don’t know how to heal.

Addiction is rarely about pleasure; sometimes, it’s about pain. Beneath every compulsive habit lies an unhealed emotion. Many people assume addiction begins with desire. But for most people, it begins with discomfort. You don’t reach for alcohol, po*******hy, or ma********on simply because you crave the high; you reach for it because you can’t bear the low. You’re trying to silence the ache of loneliness, rejection, guilt, shame, or the quiet emptiness that refuses to go away.

Addiction, at its core, is not a moral failure; it’s an emotional coping mechanism. It is the mind’s way of saying, “I can’t handle this feeling.” So it searches for a way out, even if that way out becomes a prison of its own. The brain learns to associate relief with escape, and so the cycle deepens. Pain leads to escape, escape leads to shame, and shame leads back to pain.

I once worked with a client addicted to po*******hy who, during one of our sessions, broke down in tears and said, “I thoroughly enjoy watching it because it makes me forget I have a problem, but the moment I’m done, it feels like the problem has doubled, like my life starts crashing all over again.” That’s the paradox of addiction: what promises to soothe your pain ends up feeding it. What feels like comfort is actually corrosion.

The real issue is not the act, it’s the ache behind it. The habit is merely a symptom of an unhealed wound. The human brain seeks balance, and when it can’t find it through healthy connection, rest, peace or expression, it settles for false comfort. The drinker doesn’t crave the alcohol as much as the silence it brings. The p**n addict doesn’t desire the screen as much as the escape it offers from rejection or inadequacy. The compulsive eater doesn’t crave the food as much as the momentary fullness that hides their emptiness.

Healing begins the moment you stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What pain am I running from?” Because until you face your pain, you’ll always need something to numb it. The path to freedom is not paved with guilt, but with compassion. Freedom begins when the build the courage to turn towards the emotion beneath the behaviour. When you give your pain a name, it begins to lose its power. When you stop running and start listening, your mind begins to heal.

Every addictive behaviour is a message in disguise. It is the psyche’s way of saying, “Please notice me. Please tend to this wound.” Yet we often punish the symptom while ignoring the source. We try to stop the habit without understanding the hurt that fuels it. But when we gently uncover the story behind the struggle - the childhood loneliness, the fear of abandonment, the shame of not being enough, we realise that addiction was never the enemy; it was an unconscious attempt to survive.

Recovery, therefore, is not about fighting the addiction; it’s about befriending your pain. It’s learning to sit with discomfort without fleeing from it. It’s allowing the buried emotion to surface, to breathe, and to heal. It’s replacing avoidance with awareness, and shame with self-compassion. Because what heals is not control, but connection to your emotions, your story, and ultimately, yourself.

So pause for a moment and ask yourself: What emotion or memory am I most tempted to escape instead of heal? The answer to that question may not just explain your addiction, it may reveal the doorway to your freedom.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
October 2025
Lagos, Nigeria

HOW SHAME KEEPS ADDICTION ALIVEAddiction rarely begins as rebellion, it often begins as relief. Something hurts, somethi...
05/10/2025

HOW SHAME KEEPS ADDICTION ALIVE

Addiction rarely begins as rebellion, it often begins as relief. Something hurts, something feels empty, and you discover a habit that helps you escape for a moment. It soothes you, it numbs you, it gives you a brief sense of control. But soon, what once felt like comfort becomes a cage.

Then the cycle begins. You fall into an addictive habit. Guilt follows closely behind, and you promise yourself it will never happen again. But life gets heavy - stress mounts, loneliness creeps in, an image flashes, a video appears, a heartbreak lingers, or life simply begins to “life” you. Memories resurface, emotions stir, and the same habit calls you back, offering the illusion of comfort. You give in again. The shame deepens. You withdraw further. And before long, the cycle repeats itself over and over again.

What most people don’t realise is that addiction is not just about the substance or the behaviour. It’s about the loop: shame fuels stress, stress fuels escape, and escape fuels shame. It becomes a closed circle of emotional exhaustion. The brain learns to associate relief with the addictive act, even when that act is the very thing causing the pain.

Breaking that cycle begins with breaking the silence. You cannot heal in hiding. Healing doesn’t happen in secrecy; it happens in safe connection. When you begin to talk about what you’ve been battling, especially in a safe and non-judgemental space, the addiction starts to lose its grip. Every time you tell your truth, you weaken the power of shame, because shame thrives in secrecy.

I once worked with a young lady who struggled with compulsive ma********on. Since her teenage years, she found it impossible to sleep unless she masturbated. No ma********on meant insomnia. It had become her coping mechanism, not for pleasure, but for rest. As she planned her wedding, she became determined to stop. She told me, “I can’t carry this into my marriage. I want to be completely healed before I say ‘I do’.” But she also said she didn’t want her fiancé to know. She wanted to deal with it alone.

As a therapist, I told her that her healing would truly begin the day she chose to speak. Not because her fiancé held the solution, but because secrecy was the soil that kept the addiction alive. Ma********on wasn’t the core issue, it was a temporary escape from her insomnia and inner unrest. Until she addressed the root cause and broke the silence, the cycle would continue.

You see, every addiction has a story underneath - of pain, fear, loneliness, or stress. The act itself is only a symptom. And the only way to break free from the loop is to disrupt the silence, to invite accountability, and to learn healthier ways to soothe your emotions.

Recovery is not about perfection. It’s about progress, about making one courageous choice at a time to step out of shame and into healing. Each time you choose truth over secrecy, connection over isolation, and courage over fear, you weaken the power of the cycle.

You don’t have to have it all figured out before you speak. You just need to stop fighting in silence. Because the silence that protects your addiction is the same silence that imprisons your healing.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
October 2025
Lagos, Nigeria

P**N AND MA********ON ARE KILLING YOU SLOWLY Some years ago, a woman reached out to me in tears. She said po*******hy wa...
04/10/2025

P**N AND MA********ON ARE KILLING YOU SLOWLY

Some years ago, a woman reached out to me in tears. She said po*******hy was tearing her marriage apart. Her husband, a respected pastor, had become so hooked on it that he would retreat to another room just to watch, only to end up ma********ng until his strength was gone. She told me, “There is no s*x style that exists that I haven’t been made to do, but he is never satisfied.” The more she tried, the more distant he became. At work, his addiction cost him his job. At home, it cost him intimacy. Even when they did make love, he would leave her feeling empty, because almost immediately afterwards, he would return to po*******hy. For months, he never initiated s*x with her again, he was always exhausted, always preoccupied, always distracted. Her voice broke as she confessed, “I’m already losing it.”

This is not an isolated story. It is a quiet tragedy happening in countless homes, but because po*******hy and ma********on are labelled “harmless pleasures,” many do not recognise the devastation they leave behind. P**n is not just entertainment, it is a tool designed to capture your mind, reshape your desires, and make you dependent. Ma********on, when fuelled by this cycle, becomes s*x without love, intimacy without connection - a solo act that gradually teaches you to prefer yourself to your spouse.

The cost is not immediately obvious, and that is why it is so dangerous. P**n and ma********on promise a thrill but deliver emptiness. They condition the brain to crave instant gratification, meaning the slow, tender, vulnerable journey of real intimacy feels unsatisfying in comparison. They create unrealistic expectations, where a partner is no longer seen as a soul to love but as a body to use. They whisper that loneliness can be solved in the privacy of your screen, yet every climax is followed by a deeper sense of isolation. Worst of all, they chip away at your self-control, your focus, and even your sense of worth. Over time, you find yourself saying, “Just one more look, just one more time,” until your willpower no longer belongs to you.

I have worked with men and women who were enslaved by this cycle. Not because they didn’t love God. Not because they lacked intelligence. Not because they didn’t care about their marriages or their lives. But because they underestimated the power of repetition. The brain learns whatever you feed it, and when fed with constant artificial stimulation, it begins to prioritise fantasy over reality. This is how good people become trapped in secret habits that sabotage their relationships, their careers, their faith, and their peace of mind.

The real cost of po*******hy and ma********on is not measured in minutes spent watching or the secrecy of late-night sessions. It is measured in what you lose of yourself each time - the patience you once had, the presence you once offered, the energy you once gave to your partner, the confidence you once carried, the clarity you once enjoyed. Slowly, these habits drain you, leaving a shell of who you could be.

We must start talking about this openly, because silence only feeds shame, and shame keeps people trapped. P**n and ma********on may be marketed as freedoms, but in truth, they are chains. To break free requires more than willpower, it requires awareness, honesty, and the courage to rewire the mind. Healing is possible, but the first step is acknowledging that what the world calls harmless can, in fact, be deeply harmful.

So before you say, “It’s not that serious,” pause and reflect. What is it costing you? Your intimacy? Your energy? Your peace? Your relationship? Your purpose? Your finance? Your career? Your family? The truth is, po*******hy and ma********on always send you an invoice and it is far more expensive than you realise.

But here’s the good news: freedom is possible. The same brain that was wired into addiction can be rewired into freedom. The same mind that learned unhealthy patterns can learn new ones. You don’t have to stay trapped in secrecy or shame. Healing begins the moment you decide to stop fighting this battle alone and start opening up. It may mean speaking with a trusted friend, seeking accountability, or working with a therapist or coach who understands both the psychological and emotional grip of addiction.

If you are caught in this cycle, remember, your worth is not defined by your struggle. You are not beyond help. You are not too far gone. There is life, joy, and intimacy waiting for you beyond the walls of po*******hy and ma********on. Every step you take towards honesty, every moment you choose growth over guilt, every time you reach out for help, you reclaim a piece of yourself.

So today, make that decision. Don’t wait for another “last time.” Don’t give your future away to an addiction that promises pleasure but only steals your peace. Choose to begin again. Choose to heal. Choose freedom, because you are worth it.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
October 2025
Lagos, Nigeria

ADDICTION IS ABOUT WIRING Addiction is not about weakness; it’s about wiring. Until you rewire, you’ll repeat.Many peopl...
02/10/2025

ADDICTION IS ABOUT WIRING

Addiction is not about weakness; it’s about wiring. Until you rewire, you’ll repeat.

Many people beat themselves up, thinking addiction is a matter of willpower. It isn’t. Addiction is not proof that you are broken, it’s proof that your brain has been hijacked.

Your brain’s primary job is survival. It does this through a reward system. Anytime you eat something delicious, achieve a goal, or share intimacy, your brain releases dopamine - the feel-good chemical. It’s your brain’s way of encouraging you: “Yes, do that again, it helps you thrive.”

But addictive habits like p**n, alcohol, drugs or compulsive ma********on trick the brain. They produce a dopamine flood so intense that the brain records: “This is the fastest route to pleasure.” From then on, it craves that shortcut. The tragedy is that simple joys like laughter, friendship, nature, small victories, lose their shine. The brain has been rewired to chase the artificial high.

When a trigger like stress, loneliness, boredom, certain image, video, certain people or places shows up, your brain goes into its archive: “Last time we felt this, that behaviour rescued us.” And so the urge comes. The trigger itself isn’t the problem; it’s your brain replaying an old survival script.

The good news is that what is wired can be rewired. The brain is plastic, it can learn, adapt and grow. But this doesn’t happen by simply telling yourself to “stop.” Rewiring takes practice. It begins with paying attention. Notice when your urges appear and name them: “This is stress. This is boredom. This is loneliness.” Naming separates you from the craving and gives you a split second of power. What you cannot name, you cannot understand. Then, in that gap, pause before reacting. Breathe. Remind yourself: “This is just an old programme. I can choose differently.”

Over time, that pause becomes a new pathway. And while you’re creating that pause, feed your brain new pleasures. Replace the old highs with healthier ones like movement, music, journaling, meaningful conversations, prayer, art, time outdoors. They may not feel thrilling at first, because your brain has been dulled. But repetition is what made the old wiring strong, and repetition is what will build the new.

It also helps to shift how you see yourself. You are not weak. You are not damaged goods. You are a human being whose brain has learned a loop and loops can be broken. Each time you make a different choice, you’re carving out new neural roads that make it easier next time.

Here’s what many people get wrong: they want a quick fix. They spend five, ten, even fifteen years wiring their brain into a pattern, then expect a therapist to undo it in seven days, or in some magical 21-day programme. And when it doesn’t happen, they conclude therapy doesn’t work, or the therapist isn’t good enough. But healing is not noodles that you cook in two minutes, it’s more like slow cooking. Rewiring can happen in a moment, or it can take months, even years. The timeline depends on you - your consistency, your honesty, and your willingness to do the hard work between sessions. A therapist cannot wave a wand; their role is to guide, support, and equip. The real transformation is in your hands.

Recovery is not a war with yourself; it’s a retraining of your brain. So pause for a moment and ask yourself: what simple joys have you neglected that you can begin to rediscover today? Your healing won’t come from one dramatic step, but from small choices repeated until your brain remembers how to love the real again.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
April 2020
Asaba, Nigeria

Read every slidePS: We don't just write great stuff, we offer solutions from a very professional stand point. A DM can s...
01/10/2025

Read every slide

PS: We don't just write great stuff, we offer solutions from a very professional stand point. A DM can start off a conversation that changes your life forever.

ADDICTION THRIVES IN SILENCE Addiction rarely thrives because it is powerful; it thrives because it is private. It survi...
01/10/2025

ADDICTION THRIVES IN SILENCE

Addiction rarely thrives because it is powerful; it thrives because it is private. It survives in the shadows of shame, secrecy, and silence. The shame you carry, the secrecy you keep, and the silence you maintain are far more destructive than the addiction itself.

Many people battling po*******hy, ma********on, drugs, alcohol, or even work addiction do not suffer from lack of strength. They suffer from isolation. We were never designed to heal in hiding. Silence convinces you that your struggle is unique, that if anyone ever knew, they would reject you. Shame whispers that you are beyond help. Secrecy cages you in a life where you appear free on the outside but remain bound within.

Yet nothing scares addiction more than communication. The moment you speak about it, something shifts. Does communication make the addiction disappear instantly? No. But it creates the consciousness, the courage, and the clarity needed to deal with it. Talking breaks the spell.

I once heard of a young pastor who, during testimony time in church, chose not to speak about blessings, cars, visas, or promotions. Instead, he said: “I am battling addiction to s*x, po*******hy, and ma********on.” It was awkward. The atmosphere grew heavy. People shifted uncomfortably in their seats. But then something remarkable happened. After service, about 40 people, both singles and married, walked up to him quietly and said, “Me too.” That moment of raw honesty gave birth to an accountability support program that became the doorway to recovery, not just for him, but for many others.

That is the power of breaking silence. The very thing you think will make people despise you is often the key that unlocks the chains of others. Your confession could be someone else’s liberation.

If you are struggling today, hear this truth: addiction feeds on isolation, but recovery grows in community. You do not need to carry your battle alone. Lasting transformation does not come from willpower alone, it comes from walking a guided journey with honesty, accountability, and support.

The question is are you ready to break the silence?

WHEN LOVE BECOMES PAINSome people don’t lose love because it wasn’t real; they lose it because fear slowly strangled the...
29/09/2025

WHEN LOVE BECOMES PAIN

Some people don’t lose love because it wasn’t real; they lose it because fear slowly strangled the very thing their heart was trying to keep alive.

Love was designed to heal. It was meant to give wings, to strengthen, to inspire, and to create a safe haven where two people can grow together. But when love becomes tainted with insecurity, suspicion and fear, it no longer nourishes, it destroys. What should be a source of comfort becomes a source of torment. Love that constantly wounds your partner is no longer love at all; it is bo***ge dressed up as affection.

I once knew of a young woman who loved her fiancé deeply, but her love was laced with insecurity. She clung to him, monitored him, questioned his every move, and accused him of affairs that never existed. The man pleaded, explained, reassured, yet nothing was enough. Then one day, in the presence of his mentor, her insecurities exploded over a phone call. “You and this your boss, I know you are cheating on me,” she screamed. Those words, spoken in jealousy, stripped him of his dignity in front of someone he respected. That day marked the beginning of the end. Not because the love wasn’t real, but because love wrapped in pain cannot survive for long.

Years later, I counselled a couple who lived this same story in marriage. The wife, consumed by suspicion, became destructive. She smashed belongings whenever jealousy overtook her, followed her husband to prove imagined infidelities, and created a home where peace never visited. One night, she stormed into a restaurant with a baby strapped to her chest, dragging her husband out in humiliation. The man, sitting in my office months later, broke down in tears: “Sir, I love her. I know she loves me. She has sacrificed a lot for me. But I am dying. If I don’t leave, one of us will die.”

When love causes pain, something sacred is broken. It suffocates instead of freeing. It cages instead of covering. A home becomes a battlefield, not a sanctuary. The tragedy is that both people often love each other deeply, but love that is weaponised through suspicion, control and constant accusations is not love, it is fear wearing love’s mask. And fear, no matter how well-intentioned, will always ruin the beauty it tries to protect.

You see, relationships cannot survive where trust does not exist. Love without trust is like a body without oxygen, it looks alive for a while, but inside, it is dying. You may convince yourself that your suspicion is a form of care, or that your control is protection, but in reality, you are pushing away the very person you desperately want to hold close.

If you monitor their phone, stalk their movements, interrogate their every word, accuse them without cause, you are not protecting your love, you are poisoning it. Over time, your partner will not feel loved, they will feel trapped. They will stop sharing their thoughts, they will dread coming home, and they will count freedom as survival. That is how marriages die, not because there was no love, but because love was drowned in pain.

As a family life coach and therapist, I have learnt this truth:
No matter how much love exists, if it is seasoned with insecurity, it will never taste sweet.
No matter how much history you share, if trust is absent, the future will collapse under suspicion.
And no matter how much sacrifice one makes, if the other lives in fear, one day, someone will break.

Love must bring peace, not chaos. Love must heal, not wound. Love must build, not break. Otherwise, it is not love, it is fear, obsession, and bo***ge.

If you find yourself loving in a way that causes pain, pause. Reflect. Heal. Seek help. Because if you do not confront your insecurities, they will consume the relationship you are trying to preserve. True love thrives in freedom, trust and safety not in fear, suspicion and control.

When love becomes pain, separation often becomes mercy. But when love is rooted in trust, it becomes a gift that keeps on giving.

Choose to be the kind of partner who brings calm, not chaos. A safe place, not a prison. A healer, not a wound.

Because in the end, when love becomes pain, it will eventually become loss.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
September 2025
Lagos, Nigeria

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