14/10/2025
YOU CAN’T HEAL WHAT YOU HIDE
Healing doesn’t begin when the pain stops. It begins the moment you dare to say, “I’m not okay.” Those three words may sound simple, but they carry the weight of courage. For many, saying them feels like defeat. Like an admission of weakness, a crack in the armour they’ve built to survive. Yet, that very crack is where the light begins to enter.
Most people never heal, not because healing is impossible, but because they are too afraid to be seen as broken. Society has conditioned us to wear masks, to appear strong, composed, and unshaken, even when we are bleeding inside. But here’s the paradox: the more you hide your wounds, the deeper they fester. Vulnerability is not weakness; it is strength under the pressure of truth. It is the courage to confront yourself without filters, to stop pretending and start living.
The silence around addiction is suffocating. It tells you that you’re the only one battling this darkness. It whispers lies. “No one will understand.” “You’ll lose everything if they find out.” And so, you hide, thinking secrecy protects you. But silence doesn’t protect; it imprisons. Isolation is the breeding ground of shame, and shame thrives in the dark. The moment you open up, you bring light into that darkness, and light always exposes and weakens the hold of pain.
As a therapist, I’ve learnt that vulnerability is not just emotional exposure, it is a cognitive and behavioural shift. It rewires the brain’s fear circuits, teaching your mind that openness is safe and connection is healing. Every time you speak your truth, you interrupt the neural pathways that link shame with secrecy. You begin to recondition your subconscious from “I must hide to survive” to “I can heal by being seen.”
When clients come to me for addiction recovery, I often ask them: “Who do you respect deeply, someone whose opinion matters to you, who might be disappointed but won’t destroy you with judgement?” Then I tell them, “Go and tell that person your story.” Not because confession magically fixes addiction, but because communication disarms it. Addiction feeds on deception, not just the lies you tell others, but the ones you tell yourself. When you speak, you break that loop. You strip your addiction of its secrecy, and in doing so, you reclaim your power.
Many hesitate. They fear losing their reputation. They cling to the illusion of control - the polished image that keeps others impressed but keeps them imprisoned. What they don’t realise is that reputation is who people think you are; character is who you truly are. Healing demands that you prioritise character over image. Your reputation might fall for a while, but your soul will rise.
You can’t fight what you refuse to face, and you can’t face what you keep secret. Suppression only amplifies what you’re trying to silence. Emotional avoidance might numb the pain for a moment, but it strengthens the very patterns you’re trying to break. Avoidance reinforces anxiety. Every time you avoid, your brain learns that your fears are valid. But every time you face them, your brain rewires. Vulnerability is exposure therapy for the soul. It teaches your nervous system that honesty won’t destroy you, it will free you.
Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s the decision to be honest despite it. Fear will tell you to wait for a safer moment, a better day, or the right person. But there’s no perfect timing for truth. The right moment is always now. The longer you delay vulnerability, the stronger the chains of shame become.
So, who can you safely open up to this week? A trusted mentor, therapist, or friend who listens without condemnation? Choose honesty today. Speak even if your voice trembles. Cry if you must, but speak. Because silence keeps you sick, and truth sets you free.
Healing doesn’t come to the one who hides; it comes to the one who dares to be seen. Vulnerability is not the end of your strength, it is the beginning of your freedom.
Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
October 2025
Lagos, Nigeria