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http://www.matthewadedoyin.com/

Resurged Mind Company, Resurged Mind Company, Lagos (2025)

07/11/2025

They say children don’t listen, but that’s not entirely true. They listen, not with their ears, but with their eyes. They are watching, recording, becoming. Every child grows into the story their parents unconsciously live. Before a child learns how to speak, they’ve already started imitating how you respond to stress, how you treat people, how you handle disappointment, how you show love or how you withhold it.

In many homes, parenting has often been reduced to instruction and correction. “Do as I say.” But children don’t become what they are told; they become what they observe repeatedly. You can tell your son to be kind, but if he grows up watching you shout at everyone in traffic, he’s learning aggression. You can tell your daughter to be confident, but if she constantly hears you belittle yourself, she’s learning self-doubt. Parenting, in its truest form, is not about control; it’s about influence - the kind that flows naturally from who we are when no one is watching.

This is why real parenting starts with self-awareness. Your child is learning your mindset, your tone, your habits, your fears, your joy. All the invisible things that shape the visible life.

Every repeated behaviour in a child is a learned pattern. Every word, every emotional response, every subtle cue you give becomes an anchor in your child’s subconscious. So when you shout, withdraw, or criticise, your child is not just reacting in the moment, they are internalising a pattern that might take years of therapy to undo.

If you want a peaceful child, become a peaceful adult. If you want a confident daughter, model self-worth in how you carry yourself. If you want an honest son, live truthfully, even when it costs you. It’s not perfection your children are watching for; it’s authenticity. They can feel your unresolved anger. They can sense your silent resentment. They can also feel your growth, your healing, your efforts to become better. You teach more through your becoming than through your correction.

In the end, your child will tell your story, not with words, but with their life. And that story will not be about what you wanted them to do, but who you chose to be.

02/11/2025

YOU ARE NOT SAD – YOU ARE SIMPLY UNTRAINED

We’ve been taught that emotions simply happen to us. But emotions don’t just happen, they are learned, practised, and eventually wired into our system. We learn to fear, we learn to worry, we even learn to be bitter. What if joy could become as automatic as fear? The same brain that panics can be trained to stay peaceful.

It’s possible to live in such a way that joy, peace, love, excitement, and gratitude become your mind’s default setting rather than a rare occurrence. Just as fear can rise instantly when you encounter danger, say, seeing a tiger on your path, positive emotions can also become automatic when the mind is trained to respond differently to life. That fear response didn’t require conscious thought; it was shaped by repetition, meaning, and association. The subconscious had learned that “tiger equals threat.” In the same way, you can teach your mind that “life equals possibility,” “challenge equals growth,” and “people equal connection.”

The human brain is a programmable organ. Every thought repeated, every emotion rehearsed, every pattern entertained becomes a script written in the subconscious. This means we are constantly conditioning ourselves, either towards anxiety or towards peace, frustration or gratitude. Most people have been unconsciously rehearsing worry and fear for years; they have mastered the art of negative expectation. Yet, through intentional practice, you can reverse that conditioning. You can literally rewire your emotional responses so that optimism feels natural and hope becomes instinctive.

I’ve learned this through experience. I am, by nature, a positive person. I don’t stay worried because I’ve realised that worry solves nothing. My guiding principle is simple: Do I have a problem? If the answer is no, why worry? If the answer is yes, I ask myself, Can I do anything about it? Whether the answer is yes or no, why still worry? That mindset has trained me to shift instantly from anxiety to peace, from tension to gratitude. Over time, it became automatic. It became my emotional reflex. You can cultivate the same reflex. The mind doesn’t know the difference between imagination and reality; it simply responds to the pictures, words, and sensations we feed it. Our thoughts create our feelings, and our feelings shape our actions. When we learn to nurture positive emotions consistently, we expand our capacity to think clearly, connect deeply, and thrive meaningfully. And when one person begins to radiate that kind of positivity, it ripples outward, recalibrating the emotional atmosphere around them.

Automating positive energy isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about training your mind to return to equilibrium, to gratitude, to peace even after disruption. It’s about building neural highways of joy so that your emotional system learns to travel that route more often. It begins with awareness: catching yourself in the act of negativity and gently redirecting. Then comes repetition: affirming new truths, practising daily gratitude, visualising positive outcomes, and speaking words that align with hope. Over time, these small shifts settle into the subconscious, and what once took effort becomes effortless.

You don’t need perfect circumstances to feel joy. You can install joy. You can programme peace. You can make love and gratitude your body’s automatic reaction to life. The goal is not to escape pain but to develop emotional mastery, to teach your mind and body that, no matter what happens, you can always return to calm, to compassion, and to strength. That is the real power of a renewed mind: when positivity is no longer something you chase, but something that flows naturally from who you have become.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
Shagamu, Nigeria
November, 2025

19/10/2025

ADDICTION ISN’T THE ENEMY. YOUR THINKING IS

Every behaviour begins with a thought, and every repeated behaviour begins with a repeated thought. What you repeatedly think, you eventually feel, and what you repeatedly feel, you ultimately act on. Change your thoughts, and you start changing your cravings. That’s where freedom truly begins, not in your hands, but in your mind.

The mind is a storyteller. It creates meaning around every experience you have. It’s not the situation itself that controls you, but the meaning you attach to it. When you tell yourself, “I’m stressed, I need a release,” your brain doesn’t argue. It simply goes back to what it knows - the familiar comfort of old coping mechanisms: porn, alcohol, masturbation, food, scrolling. The brain seeks relief, not wisdom. But when you reframe that inner dialogue to “I’m stressed, I need to care for myself differently,” you interrupt an old pattern and open a new pathway. That’s the art of rewiring, an art of teaching the brain a new language of comfort, one that leads to healing instead of harm.

Thoughts are like roads in the mind. The more you travel one, the smoother and quicker it becomes. That’s why it feels almost automatic to reach for your phone, light a stick or a bottle the moment discomfort arises. But every time you choose a different response, no matter how small, you begin to carve a new road. The first few times, it feels awkward and unnatural. Your brain protests, because it loves familiarity. But with repetition and intention, that new road starts to form a new habit.

In addiction recovery, we often say that you can’t remove thoughts entirely, but you can replace them. The goal isn’t to stop thinking about your triggers, but to teach your brain to respond differently when they come. For example, instead of thinking “I can’t handle this feeling,” you can train your mind to say, “This feeling is uncomfortable, but it’s temporary.” That small shift moves you from powerlessness to awareness. It gives you a sense of agency. It gives you the ability to choose your next move rather than being driven by impulse.

Language is powerful. The words you speak to yourself shape your emotional reality. When you constantly use phrases like “I’m weak,” “I always mess up,” “I can’t help it,” you reinforce the identity of someone trapped. But when you start saying “I’m learning to respond differently,” “I’m building new habits,” “I can choose differently this time,” you’re not lying to yourself, you’re rewiring your identity. You’re teaching your subconscious that change is possible. And your behaviour will begin to follow that new belief.

The mind doesn’t respond to reality; it responds to your representation of it. Change the representation - the mental image, the inner dialogue, the meaning, and you change the emotional and behavioural outcome. It is called cognitive restructuring. The deliberate act of challenging distorted thinking and replacing it with balanced truth. It brings you to the place of awareness followed by reframing. You cannot change what you refuse to notice, and you cannot heal what you refuse to name.

So when thoughts like “I need this to feel better,” comes, don’t fight it; observe it. Then gently ask yourself, “What am I really needing right now?” Maybe it’s rest, connection, affirmation, or peace. The addiction was only the counterfeit way of meeting that need. Once you identify the real need, you can choose a healthier response. This is how you weaken the old neural pathway and strengthen a new one.

Recovery isn’t about suppressing temptation; it’s about transforming understanding. When your mind begins to associate peace with honesty, comfort with healthy routines, and relief with connection instead of isolation, your cravings begin to lose their power. You’re no longer trying to escape your emotions; you’re learning to be present with them.

Freedom doesn’t start when the urge disappears; it starts the moment you choose a new meaning. So, what recurring thought keeps leading you back to the old pattern? And what truth can you choose today to replace it? The mind you feed is the life you live. Rewire it, and watch your freedom unfold.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
October 2025
Lagos, Nigeria

17/10/2025

FREEDOM BEGINS WITH A NAME

Sometimes, the hardest part of healing isn’t breaking the habit. It’s facing the truth behind it. Most people want freedom, but few are ready for the honesty that freedom demands.

You can’t heal what you refuse to name.
If you can’t name it, you can’t define it and if you can’t define it, you can’t understand it. And what you can’t understand will keep controlling you in silence.

Naming is powerful. It brings what’s hidden into the light. It turns confusion into clarity and helplessness into direction. That’s why self-awareness isn’t just the first step in breaking addiction, it’s the step that makes every other one possible.

Many people remain trapped in addictive cycles not because they lack willpower, but because they lack awareness. They say, “I don’t know how I got here again,” yet every relapse, every urge, every fall follows a familiar pattern - a thought, a feeling, a trigger, a decision.

Addiction rarely begins with the act itself. It begins with emotion, especially the one we’ve learned to avoid. Stress. Shame. Boredom. Loneliness. These emotions whisper beneath the surface, and the behaviour becomes a way to silence them. But silence doesn’t heal; it only hides.

I once worked with a client who had battled pornography addiction for almost fifteen years. She had tried everything - praying, fasting, deleting apps, making promises, but nothing seemed to last. When we began peeling back the layers, she discovered that boredom was her true trigger. The moment life felt quiet, she reached for escape. Porn became her way of filling the emptiness.

So we began to change her relationship with boredom. She learnt to stay present with it, to engage rather than run - reading, creating, moving, connecting. Slowly, she started replacing the old habit with healthier choices. And as she became more aware of her pattern, she realised something powerful: she wasn’t powerless, she was just unaware.

That’s the turning point self-awareness creates. You begin to see the loop before you fall into it. You recognise, “This is where I usually escape,” or “This is where I start to numb out.” And in that moment of recognition, something shifts. Choice returns. You move from being reactive to being responsive.

In therapy, I often help clients map their emotional triggers - boredom, stress, shame, loneliness, rejection, even success. Once they can name what they feel, the behaviour starts to lose its grip. Because addiction feeds on avoidance, but awareness starves it.

The goal of recovery isn’t to suppress desire; it’s to understand it. It’s to listen to what the pain beneath the behaviour is trying to tell you. When you stop running from your emotions and start observing them with compassion, healing begins.

Freedom doesn’t start with control, it starts with clarity.
And clarity begins the day you stop hiding from your truth and dare to name it.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
October 2025
Lagos, Nigeria

10/10/2025

ADDICTED TO THE ESCAPE

There are moments in life when the weight within becomes heavier than what words can carry. When silence feels safer than honesty, and escape feels easier than endurance. For many, this is where addiction begins, not in the search for pleasure, but in the longing for relief.

You’re not addicted to the substance; you’re addicted to the escape. To the momentary peace that helps you forget what hurts. To the illusion of control that numbs what you don’t know how to heal.

Addiction is rarely about pleasure; sometimes, it’s about pain. Beneath every compulsive habit lies an unhealed emotion. Many people assume addiction begins with desire. But for most people, it begins with discomfort. You don’t reach for alcohol, pornography, or masturbation simply because you crave the high; you reach for it because you can’t bear the low. You’re trying to silence the ache of loneliness, rejection, guilt, shame, or the quiet emptiness that refuses to go away.

Addiction, at its core, is not a moral failure; it’s an emotional coping mechanism. It is the mind’s way of saying, “I can’t handle this feeling.” So it searches for a way out, even if that way out becomes a prison of its own. The brain learns to associate relief with escape, and so the cycle deepens. Pain leads to escape, escape leads to shame, and shame leads back to pain.

I once worked with a client addicted to pornography who, during one of our sessions, broke down in tears and said, “I thoroughly enjoy watching it because it makes me forget I have a problem, but the moment I’m done, it feels like the problem has doubled, like my life starts crashing all over again.” That’s the paradox of addiction: what promises to soothe your pain ends up feeding it. What feels like comfort is actually corrosion.

The real issue is not the act, it’s the ache behind it. The habit is merely a symptom of an unhealed wound. The human brain seeks balance, and when it can’t find it through healthy connection, rest, peace or expression, it settles for false comfort. The drinker doesn’t crave the alcohol as much as the silence it brings. The porn addict doesn’t desire the screen as much as the escape it offers from rejection or inadequacy. The compulsive eater doesn’t crave the food as much as the momentary fullness that hides their emptiness.

Healing begins the moment you stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What pain am I running from?” Because until you face your pain, you’ll always need something to numb it. The path to freedom is not paved with guilt, but with compassion. Freedom begins when the build the courage to turn towards the emotion beneath the behaviour. When you give your pain a name, it begins to lose its power. When you stop running and start listening, your mind begins to heal.

Every addictive behaviour is a message in disguise. It is the psyche’s way of saying, “Please notice me. Please tend to this wound.” Yet we often punish the symptom while ignoring the source. We try to stop the habit without understanding the hurt that fuels it. But when we gently uncover the story behind the struggle - the childhood loneliness, the fear of abandonment, the shame of not being enough, we realise that addiction was never the enemy; it was an unconscious attempt to survive.

Recovery, therefore, is not about fighting the addiction; it’s about befriending your pain. It’s learning to sit with discomfort without fleeing from it. It’s allowing the buried emotion to surface, to breathe, and to heal. It’s replacing avoidance with awareness, and shame with self-compassion. Because what heals is not control, but connection to your emotions, your story, and ultimately, yourself.

So pause for a moment and ask yourself: What emotion or memory am I most tempted to escape instead of heal? The answer to that question may not just explain your addiction, it may reveal the doorway to your freedom.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
October 2025
Lagos, Nigeria

05/10/2025

HOW SHAME KEEPS ADDICTION ALIVE

Addiction rarely begins as rebellion, it often begins as relief. Something hurts, something feels empty, and you discover a habit that helps you escape for a moment. It soothes you, it numbs you, it gives you a brief sense of control. But soon, what once felt like comfort becomes a cage.

Then the cycle begins. You fall into an addictive habit. Guilt follows closely behind, and you promise yourself it will never happen again. But life gets heavy - stress mounts, loneliness creeps in, an image flashes, a video appears, a heartbreak lingers, or life simply begins to “life” you. Memories resurface, emotions stir, and the same habit calls you back, offering the illusion of comfort. You give in again. The shame deepens. You withdraw further. And before long, the cycle repeats itself over and over again.

What most people don’t realise is that addiction is not just about the substance or the behaviour. It’s about the loop: shame fuels stress, stress fuels escape, and escape fuels shame. It becomes a closed circle of emotional exhaustion. The brain learns to associate relief with the addictive act, even when that act is the very thing causing the pain.

Breaking that cycle begins with breaking the silence. You cannot heal in hiding. Healing doesn’t happen in secrecy; it happens in safe connection. When you begin to talk about what you’ve been battling, especially in a safe and non-judgemental space, the addiction starts to lose its grip. Every time you tell your truth, you weaken the power of shame, because shame thrives in secrecy.

I once worked with a young lady who struggled with compulsive masturbation. Since her teenage years, she found it impossible to sleep unless she masturbated. No masturbation meant insomnia. It had become her coping mechanism, not for pleasure, but for rest. As she planned her wedding, she became determined to stop. She told me, “I can’t carry this into my marriage. I want to be completely healed before I say ‘I do’.” But she also said she didn’t want her fiancé to know. She wanted to deal with it alone.

As a therapist, I told her that her healing would truly begin the day she chose to speak. Not because her fiancé held the solution, but because secrecy was the soil that kept the addiction alive. Masturbation wasn’t the core issue, it was a temporary escape from her insomnia and inner unrest. Until she addressed the root cause and broke the silence, the cycle would continue.

You see, every addiction has a story underneath - of pain, fear, loneliness, or stress. The act itself is only a symptom. And the only way to break free from the loop is to disrupt the silence, to invite accountability, and to learn healthier ways to soothe your emotions.

Recovery is not about perfection. It’s about progress, about making one courageous choice at a time to step out of shame and into healing. Each time you choose truth over secrecy, connection over isolation, and courage over fear, you weaken the power of the cycle.

You don’t have to have it all figured out before you speak. You just need to stop fighting in silence. Because the silence that protects your addiction is the same silence that imprisons your healing.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
October 2025
Lagos, Nigeria

04/10/2025

PORN AND MASTURBATION ARE KILLING YOU SLOWLY

Some years ago, a woman reached out to me in tears. She said pornography was tearing her marriage apart. Her husband, a respected pastor, had become so hooked on it that he would retreat to another room just to watch, only to end up masturbating until his strength was gone. She told me, “There is no sex style that exists that I haven’t been made to do, but he is never satisfied.” The more she tried, the more distant he became. At work, his addiction cost him his job. At home, it cost him intimacy. Even when they did make love, he would leave her feeling empty, because almost immediately afterwards, he would return to pornography. For months, he never initiated sex with her again, he was always exhausted, always preoccupied, always distracted. Her voice broke as she confessed, “I’m already losing it.”

This is not an isolated story. It is a quiet tragedy happening in countless homes, but because pornography and masturbation are labelled “harmless pleasures,” many do not recognise the devastation they leave behind. Porn is not just entertainment, it is a tool designed to capture your mind, reshape your desires, and make you dependent. Masturbation, when fuelled by this cycle, becomes sex without love, intimacy without connection - a solo act that gradually teaches you to prefer yourself to your spouse.

The cost is not immediately obvious, and that is why it is so dangerous. Porn and masturbation promise a thrill but deliver emptiness. They condition the brain to crave instant gratification, meaning the slow, tender, vulnerable journey of real intimacy feels unsatisfying in comparison. They create unrealistic expectations, where a partner is no longer seen as a soul to love but as a body to use. They whisper that loneliness can be solved in the privacy of your screen, yet every climax is followed by a deeper sense of isolation. Worst of all, they chip away at your self-control, your focus, and even your sense of worth. Over time, you find yourself saying, “Just one more look, just one more time,” until your willpower no longer belongs to you.

I have worked with men and women who were enslaved by this cycle. Not because they didn’t love God. Not because they lacked intelligence. Not because they didn’t care about their marriages or their lives. But because they underestimated the power of repetition. The brain learns whatever you feed it, and when fed with constant artificial stimulation, it begins to prioritise fantasy over reality. This is how good people become trapped in secret habits that sabotage their relationships, their careers, their faith, and their peace of mind.

The real cost of pornography and masturbation is not measured in minutes spent watching or the secrecy of late-night sessions. It is measured in what you lose of yourself each time - the patience you once had, the presence you once offered, the energy you once gave to your partner, the confidence you once carried, the clarity you once enjoyed. Slowly, these habits drain you, leaving a shell of who you could be.

We must start talking about this openly, because silence only feeds shame, and shame keeps people trapped. Porn and masturbation may be marketed as freedoms, but in truth, they are chains. To break free requires more than willpower, it requires awareness, honesty, and the courage to rewire the mind. Healing is possible, but the first step is acknowledging that what the world calls harmless can, in fact, be deeply harmful.

So before you say, “It’s not that serious,” pause and reflect. What is it costing you? Your intimacy? Your energy? Your peace? Your relationship? Your purpose? Your finance? Your career? Your family? The truth is, pornography and masturbation always send you an invoice and it is far more expensive than you realise.

But here’s the good news: freedom is possible. The same brain that was wired into addiction can be rewired into freedom. The same mind that learned unhealthy patterns can learn new ones. You don’t have to stay trapped in secrecy or shame. Healing begins the moment you decide to stop fighting this battle alone and start opening up. It may mean speaking with a trusted friend, seeking accountability, or working with a therapist or coach who understands both the psychological and emotional grip of addiction.

If you are caught in this cycle, remember, your worth is not defined by your struggle. You are not beyond help. You are not too far gone. There is life, joy, and intimacy waiting for you beyond the walls of pornography and masturbation. Every step you take towards honesty, every moment you choose growth over guilt, every time you reach out for help, you reclaim a piece of yourself.

So today, make that decision. Don’t wait for another “last time.” Don’t give your future away to an addiction that promises pleasure but only steals your peace. Choose to begin again. Choose to heal. Choose freedom, because you are worth it.

Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
October 2025
Lagos, Nigeria

Resurged Mind Company

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Monday	08:00 - 17:00
Tuesday	08:00 - 17:00
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