30/03/2021
WHY MANY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES CONTINUE TO COLLAPSE
If the church does not wake up to address this menace, we are working towards a global divorce pandemic--worse than Covid-19.
1. PASTORS ARE MATCHING UNDISCIPLED & UNBROKEN PEOPLE IN MARRIAGE--No institution tests character like marriage. And when pastors endorse and encourage two unbroken or undiscipled people to proceed into the University of marriage, you have set them up to self-destruct. If you're not broken before marriage, you will be broken inside marriage. The traditional processes of grooming Christian brothers and sisters in Christ-like values of patience, meekness, humility, faithfulness etc prior to joining them at the altar have given way to so called civilized-marriage counselling sessions that bare no semblance with teachings that shape strong values in men and women. Given the complexities of the marriage institution, Christian couples that are filled with pride, ego, carnality, greed, covetousness, and lust, among others are now being joined, and given the slightest heat of marriage, things break apart, and divorce becomes the next option.
2 ADULTERATED GOSPEL MESSAGES- A lot of Christian churches are the main culprits in these crises. The gospel of Christ which is deeply rooted in sound values that sustain marriages has given way to the gospel of prosperity, motivation, deliverance, psychology, philosophy, -hyper-grace etc, all of which have weakened the foundation of the gospel. This has raised a new generation of pastors that are unable to raise sound Christians who can walk in genuine love, forgiveness, sacrifice, loyalty and faithfulness in marriages. Another dimension to this is the growing attack on the influence of God's word on the society at large. We are presently in a post-Christian culture. Popular culture is averse to the final authority of scriptures. Rather than shifting culture to accommodate scriptures, the position of popular culture is to shift scripture to accommodate culture. This is what has led to the rising influence of feminism, humanism, relativism and cultural maxism, all of which are spelling dooms for Christian marriages. Sadly, a lot of Christian men and women, as well as popular Pentecostal pastors have bought into these heretic teachings, and consequently, marriages are suffering for this.
3 DEMONIC ATTACKS--There is a deluge of demonic attacks on the marriage institution. Satan knows the strategic influence of the family on the larger society. So, he is unleashing ferocious attacks on the minds of Christian husband and wives--hardening their hearts to the truth of God's word about how marriages should function. The biblical model of "the husband is the head of the family", "husband love your wife" and "wife submit to your own husband" is now being attacked, ridiculed and jettisoned even by pastors. Proponents of cultural maxism and feminism have been entertained even in many Christian circles, and consequently, Satan is having a good time, tearing down the very foundation upon which marriage was instituted. Sadly, a lot of Christian couples are very carnal. They don't know that marriage is a battleground. Consequently, they treat all crises as natural. Further, a lot of women don't pray for their husbands, while the same applies to the men as well. Constant prayers will ward off the attacks of Satan against your home, and will delete strange thoughts from your husband's mind. Constant prayers will also ward off the powers and influence of strange women in your marriage, while your prayers can also influence your wife's emotions and thoughts.
4 INCREASE IN MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS- Due to the level of ignorance among many Christians and pastors alike on the causes of marital problems, a lot of other cases that are actually mental health related are attributed to spiritual attacks. Mental health disorders have been identified scientifically among the main causes of marriage breakdown. The truth is, a lot of Christian men and women go into marriages with carried-over depression, PTSD, Bipolar and Schrizophenia, among other mental health challenges. While in the marriage, they begin to misbehave. Some are aggressive; some exhibit unusual s*xual desires; some are callous; some show no empathy; some are spendthrifts; some get angry easily; some are violent, and their spouses are unable to decipher spiritual attacks from mental health disorders. And sometimes, some of these mental health challenges are developed right inside marriage as a result of stress, abuse and economic crises, among others. This lack of knowledge and awareness among pastors and Christian couples about what is a spiritual challenge or what is a mental health challenge, and the available medical interventions is now leading to the collapse of many Christian marriages
5 THE DEARTH OF PASTORAL ROLE MODELS (a lot of pastors too are divorcing, so I too can do it)-A lot of couples are attending churches where the pastor is in his third marriage. Also, a lot of Christians see their spiritual mentors whom they hold in high esteem divorce and re-marry. Thus, they don't see anything wrong in quitting their marriages, given the slightest provocation and hurt from their spouses. They can see a role model in their General Overseers, and are so sure that divorcing their wives or husbands, even when there are other interventions for saving the marriage is not really bad, afterall, daddy is in his third marriage and God is still using him. This dearth of disciplined and consistent role models in the church, and particularly among senior church leaders is one of the major enablers of marital failures in the body of Christ
6 MANY UNSAVED PEOPLE, PRETENDING TO THE CHRISTIANS ARE GOING INTO MARRIAGES--Another major factor responsible for the continued collapse of Christian marriages is that a lot of people claiming to be Christians are not actually saved,. They are just religious. They claim to be saved, but still lie, cheat, watch po*******hy, bet, go to strip clubs and do all manners of silly things. But they sing nice praise worship songs, pray "fall and die" prayers, attend conventions, fast and sow seeds. But they are actually not saved, and are only the products of many of the false churches now in the body of Christ. When you match these types of unsaved men and women (who are just pretending to be saved) in marriages, the marriage will not last
7 GROWING GLOBAL ECONOMIC CRISES--The world is under a ferocious economic crisis. People are losing jobs; businesses are collapsing; hunger is pervading the land. This growing economic meltdown is sneaking its influence into many Christian marriages, leading to crises among couples. And when financial crises hit a home, only the tough can withstand the pressure. This can also be connected to the dearth of sound values among couples. The ability to endure times of hardship is deeply rooted in your overall value system as a woman or as a man. Did you marry that man or woman for financial benefits alone, and now that money is no longer flowing in, your love for him/her has dwindled?
8 MATCHING OF INCOMPATIBLE PEOPLE ON THE GUISE OF, "THUS SAYS THE LORD"- This current crisis is also being fueled by the discovery by a lot of Christian couples that they had actually gotten married to people they were not compatible with. This can also be linked to the lack of sufficient teaching around the basic premise for marrying someone. The, "thus says the Lord" approach seems to be failing the test of marriage heat and pressure. The question on the lips of many couples is this: "But God told me he is my husband?'. Yet, you have married a man that is not aligned to your values in anyway. The truth is: God will never tell you to marry someone who either does not share your values, or that will not in the process of time share your values. While it is very true and critically important to know the mind of God on whom to marry, the reality is that a lot of people lie on God to get their ways into the hearts of people they are actually lusting after. There is not enough teaching around doing very diligent research about your potential spouse. A lot of Christians think that the voice of God precludes taking time to study and under-study your to-be spouse to determine their extent of compatibility with your values and vision. A lot of prophets have also contributed to this crisis by using their prophetic ministry to join two incompatible people together in marriage. But the truth is, God is not the author of confusion. He will never ask you to marry someone you are not compatible with!
9. LACK OF KNOWLEDGE OF ROLES & RESPONSIBILITIES AT HOME-This one is major. A lot of genuine Christian men in Africa in particular are still tied to the aprons of many bad African cultural values, and need to be trained and schooled out of these mindsets. Some of these African man see the woman as lower in class. They see her as inferior, and as a s*x object and as a baby making factory. Consequently, they speak down on the woman; shut her down when she's talking; body-shame her; demote her vision; and use her as the primary instrument for fulfilling their own vision in the marriage. In many instances, some men never help the wives to do any house chores. On the contrary, the woman is seen as the cleaner and cook for the man.
Similarly, the woman also sees the man as the sole-provider for the home. She works, but sees her income as hers alone. Further, she the sees the man as the tool for solving all the problems of her own family members. All of these cultural stereotypes stem from the traditional African culture which many genuine Christians import from their parents' marriages into their own marriages, and when they begin to evolve, the center will not be able to sustain their marriage again. In fact, when many of these couples migrate to the western world, crises break out--given the unique cultural slants of the western society. This is why at the very least, wise parents and wise pastors need to develop not just counselling seminars, but schools of marriages where intending couples will be mandated to attend over a period of at least 3-6 months, just to detox them from all of these bad African cultures.
Friends, and ministers, my experience in counselling coupled with years of learning and un-learning as a Christian and as a minister has proved to me beyond all doubts that the body of Christ is presently in big trouble. The minds of our younger generation have been poisoned and polluted by what they see and read in the larger society. Pastors, please for the sake of heaven and eternity, can we go back to sound bible teachings? Even if we can't solve all the problems once and for all, we will still save a lot of homes when we groom men and women in sound biblical values that can guide them in choosing wisely, and that can sustain them inside marriage. If things remain the same with our knowledge about marriage, divorce rate will reach a global pandemic--and the larger society will suffer for it.
