10/10/2025
📌 WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO TAKE HIM OR HER TO YOUR PARENTS?
Don’t rush to take someone home just because the relationship feels right. Clarity is sweeter than excitement.
(Please, whether you’re a man or a woman, read this slowly…)
Tola was so excited. 💃
She had finally met someone who seemed like the answer to her prayers. At 38 years, she should feel blessed to be finally off the single market as her excitement was second to none.
The guy was kind, intentional, prayerful, and seemed ready for something serious.
He said all the right things a lady would yearn for, and she believed every word.
Three months into the relationship, she took him home to meet her parents.
Her mum was thrilled.
Her dad prayed for them.
The whole family loved him at first sight because they had been waiting earnestly for the day Tola would bring a man home.
They even started teasing her with, “When are you fixing the date?”
But six months later, everything fell apart.
The same gentle man became controlling.
He started isolating her from friends.
He stopped calling as much, and every disagreement they had turned into a shouting match.
By the time it ended, it wasn’t just Tola who was heartbroken; it had badly affected her whole family.
Her parents kept asking, “What happened? But he looked so serious…”
It was then she realised she had taken him home too early without knowing some things fully about him. They were barely three months into the relationship, and she allowed her age to cloud her judgment.
Sometimes, we rush to involve our parents in something God is still helping us to discern whether it's right and should be or not.
Taking someone to meet your parents is a beautiful step but it must come with wisdom, timing, and clarity, not just excitement. The excitement is good, but this decision is not just about your feelings, but intentionality, and it is a destiny-defining one.
Before you take him or her home, I've listed for you some things you need to consider deeply:
1. Are we both clear about our intentions?
It is of utmost importance for you to know who you are, what you want, why you want what you want, and what your intentions are.
Is this relationship heading somewhere meaningful, or are we still “figuring it out?"
Don’t involve your parents in a relationship that hasn’t been clearly defined. An undefined relationship is purposeless and will not lead anywhere.
Make sure you both know this is not trial-and-error love; it must be a purpose-driven love.
2. Have I seen their true character beyond the charm?
Anyone can be loving when everything is sweet but it takes a kind/real person to remain sweet when situations are not palatable.
How do they act when angry, disappointed, or stressed?
How do they treat people who can’t give them anything?
How do they act when they are broke; that time when they don't have money?
How do they act when they have money?
How do they talk about their family members?
How do they communicate?
What and who do they listen to?
Who are their friends and what do they find pleasure in?
Do they believe in your belief?
How do they talk about their ex?
You need time to observe these patterns. Time reveals what excitement hides.
This is one of the reasons you need to get our book, which is currently on preorder, READY, SET, MARRY: A NO-NONSENSE GUIDE FOR MATURE SINGLES TO FIND LOVE AND SAY 'I DO'.
Many chapters talk about this.
It goes for a discounted preorder price of N5,000 instead of N7,000 and N3,000 instead of N5,000 for the paperback and ebook, respectively.
Pay into
United Bank For Africa (UBA)
Olabisi Ojolo
2022291905
3. Have we had real conversations?
One of the heartbeats and bedrock of a glorious marriage is honest, open, vulnerable and respectful communication. This is not just about favourite foods or movies, but about values, faith, and life direction.
Talk about:
✅ How they handle money.
✅ How they view submission, headship and leadership.
✅ Their expectations in marriage.
✅ Their faith journey.
✅ How they view love.
✅ What would happen if, after the wedding ceremony you couldn't have children?
✅ If you keep having female children, whose fault is it?
✅ Method of delivery.
✅ Their relationship with family.
✅ Their emotional maturity.
✅ How they handle offence.
✅ How they handle and view money.
There are a lot of questions to ask at this stage and my book UNCOMMON QUESTIONS YOU MUST ASK BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED will help you deeply here. Get it today by using the leenk in the comment section.
If these areas are still vague, it’s too early to bring your parents in.
4. Have I prayed and found peace?
Prayer is important in everything; before you choose, while you're choosing and after you have chosen. Excitement and peace are not the same thing.
Peace is that quiet assurance in your spirit that says, “This is right, and it’s time". Peace shows God is here because He is the Prince of peace and the Holy Spirit is the spirit of peace.
Never move ahead of God’s peace.
If you’re still uncertain, kindly pause so that you don't harm yourself.
Don’t let anyone rush you into what destiny has not yet confirmed. If you feel you might not see clearly because you've been blinded by love, check in with your mentors, prayer partners or friends who can join you in prayer.
5. Is there consistency?
You must be patient to have observed consistency in their words, deeds, thoughts, actions, points of view and reactions. One of the clearest signs of maturity is stability.
If their mood, behaviour, or commitment keeps changing, wait! That's not the time to rush things.
A few months may show love, but only time reveals character.
Observe how they handle pressure, delay, and disagreement, that’s where truth hides.
6. Have I seen them around other people?
You see this one? It is very important, and by other people, I'm not talking about the high and mighty alone, but also people who cannot do anything for them.
How do they treat their family, colleagues, church members, or waiters?
Sometimes, you know a person’s heart better by how they treat those beneath them.
Don't conclude because of how they are treating you, because with you, something is at stake, and they don't want to lose you.
Character is louder than confession; observe
7. Have we survived a misunderstanding?
Until you’ve had a disagreement and resolved it maturely, you don’t really know each other. Am I saying you should be looking for a means to fight? No, but that's what happens when you misunderstand each other.
Do they stonewall?
Do they call you names?
Do they become abusive and try to shift blame?
If one argument leads to silent treatment, manipulation, or withdrawal, you need to slow down.
You’re not ready for family involvement yet.
8 Have godly counsel been involved?
Sometimes, you’re too emotionally attached to see clearly.
Seeking the counsel of a mentor, pastor, or spiritual parent who has no bias will help with clarity and open your eyes to blind spots you never knew existed. This ai a lifesaver.
When emotions blind you, wisdom from others can become that mirror that guides you to the path of life. This mirror is seriously needed to prevent "had I known".
9. Are we both spiritually aligned?
When people talk about compatibility, what they are saying is alignment because you cannot work and walk together unless you agree. It’s not enough that you both “go to church".
Do you share the same spiritual convictions, beliefs, and values about prayer, purpose, purity, tithing, sowing seeds and calling?
Marriage is spiritual; don’t take a carnal relationship to spiritual parents for approval. Ahhh! This can be disästrous.
10. Have I healed from my past?
Sometimes, people rush introductions out of fear; fear of being alone, fear of losing someone good, fear of patterns repeating themselves, fear of disappointment or fear of starting over.
Never make a permanent decision to calm a temporary insecurity.
Let God heal you first, so you choose from wholeness, not from wounds.
Heal before you deal. This is one of the reasons you need to get our book that is currently on preorder, READY, SET, MARRY: A NO-NONSENSE GUIDE FOR MATURE SINGLES TO FIND LOVE AND SAY 'I DO'.
We dedicated a whole chapter to what you need to do to heal properly before dealing
It goes for a discounted preorder price of N5,000 instead of N7,000 and N3,000 instead of N5,000 for the paperback and ebook, respectively.
Pay into
United Bank For Africa (UBA)
Olabisi Ojolo
2022291905
11. Why the choice of this person?
One of the questions we ask people before we start our Premarital Training Programme for to-be-couples who come for it is, "Why the choice of this person from many options you have?"
This question always reveals what they know and don't know.
You need to know why you are choosing the person out of many options you have, so that something will keep you going on dark days.
⚠️ Don’t take them home because:
✅ You’re under pressure.
✅ You're desperate.
✅ You’re excited and want validation.
✅ You’re trying to prove a point.
✅ You want to finally stop people from asking you questions.
✅ You want to "pepper" your ex or friends.
✅ Your parents are asking too many questions.
✅ You think introducing them will “make things official".
Premature introduction can complicate things especially if it doesn’t work out.
So, when is the right time?
➡️ When you’ve seen consistency, clarity, maturity, peace, and purpose alignment.
➡️ When your relationship has survived tests and proven stable.
➡️ When you both have no hidden agenda.
➡️ When you are ready to take things to the next level.
That’s when introducing them to your parents becomes meaningful, not premature.
This can be from 6 months or 3 months for mature singles.
📌 Remember this:
➡️ It’s not how long you’ve been together that determines readiness, purpose matters.
➡️ It’s how clear, stable, and intentional the relationship has become.
➡️ Let peace lead you on this journey.
➡️ Let time test what you believe or think.
➡️ Let wisdom guide you.
➡️ Let God be the one to confirm it.
Over to you, what do you think?
How long do you believe a relationship should last before meeting the parents and why?
P.S. Don't forget that in 14 days, the preorder for READY, SET, MARRY: A NO-NONSENSE GUIDE FOR MATURE SINGLES TO FIND LOVE AND SAY 'I DO' will end and prîces will revert to the original amount.
Take advantage of this preorder and the bönuses to get yours.
To book a counselling session (premarital and marital), a clarity session, or to learn more about our products and services and to invite us to your programmes, seminars, or conferences, kindly send a direct message on Facebook or use the details in the comment section.
Bisi Ojolo Mentoring Academy
Holistic Counsellor: Relationship and Marriage Counsellor | Trauma Healing Expert | Intimacy Coach | Postpartum Counsellor | Author | Editor | Ghostwriting | Voice Over Artist | Event Host | Public Speaker
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