07/02/2026
📌 STEAL OUR STRATEGY. IT WORKS LIKE MAGIC.
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During our courtship, one thing out of many hubby and I talked about was that we would never go to bed with heads full of trouble. 🫂
That sounds great, right? Isokay; just follow me and read this to the end. Trust me, it will transform your relationship and marriage.
I will explain what it means and the right perspective, but hear this first.
We discussed a lot of things during courtship, and I have been magnanimous enough to put them and more into an ebook titled The Uncommon Questions You Must Ask Before You Get Married. Kindly do well to get this book; it will save you and your marriage a lot.
Back to my story, we talked about that, but nobody told us that both of us would be 'föölish' 😡 and there would never be a need to go to bed with heads full of troubles. 🙄
Are you wondering what I mean by "föölish"?
Well, it's because we don't even have the time to have issues and not resolve them.
This takes a lot of processes ooo. It starts with your personal relationship with God, which is the foundation.
You can get to that stage, too, in your marriage.
Also, "föölish" because that's what some people think they can't do in marriage now. "I can't be a fööl for anybody", "I'm not a fööl", etc.
1️⃣ What does it mean to go to bed with heads full of trouble?
2️⃣ Why do people go to bed with heads full of trouble?
3️⃣ How can you avoid going to bed with heads full of trouble?
Now, let me explain the points.
1️⃣ What does it mean to go to bed with heads full of trouble?
Going to bed with heads full of troubles is when couples are carrying unresolved issues, fights, quarrels, unmet expectations, worries, or stressors from their day or ongoing concerns into their bedtime routine.
More often than not, this is a result of issues that happened between them earlier and were never resolved. Either one person was adamant and unnecessarily rigid, or the two didn't give room for peace.
This can negatively affect their ability to relax, connect emotionally, and get quality sleep.
2️⃣ Why do people go to bed with heads full of trouble.
✅ So, I would love us to establish something, which is the fact that going to bed with heads full of troubles is couple-induced, not something outside their control.
✅ Secondly, they are going to bed with heads full of troubles because they are proud; humility makes you leave your ego for peace to reign.
✅ Thirdly, they are going to bed with heads full of troubles because one person feels his or her opinion is better than the other's and will never reason with his or her spouse to have a peaceful resolution.
✅ Fourthly, they are going to bed with heads full of troubles because they don't understand the concept of marriage being bigger than the two of them. This is a topic for another day.
✅ They are going to bed with heads full of troubles because they lack the understanding that one little unresolved conflict can badly impact their relationship, leading to resentment and drifting because anger can cause anything.
✅ Let me put this, which could also be a possibility, but it MUST not always be.
Couples often go to bed with heads full of troubles because they may not have had the opportunity to resolve conflicts or discuss important matters earlier in the day.
✅ Other reasons include
(a) Busy schedules.
(b) Communication challenges. This is, more often than not, the reason for many. One of the reasons you should know each other's temperaments is because they affect how you communicate and when you communicate.
(c) Differences in problem-solving approaches. This is also a possibility, and it is one of the reasons I usually counsel couples to know each other's temperaments because it impacts how they communicate and resolve issues. A phlegmatic will always pause, process the issues and thoughts, and refuel before coming back to talk if he or she will ever talk.
(d) Simply feeling overwhelmed by daily responsibilities. This can also be a possibility.
Whatever it is in your marriage or relationship, you need to find a balance. That is why understanding how to adjust, find common ground, and agree will help you.
3️⃣ How can you avoid going to bed with heads full of trouble?
Permit me to just list this because I don't want the post to be too long, and it is also one of the things we will be discussing during the 3-day dïvorce-proof your relationship and marriage masterclass. You can check my pinned post or comment section for the l!nk to join the waitlist group.
(a) Work on the communication strategies in your marriage. If this is good, you will be free to talk about anything. You can get my book titled The Building Blocks of a Blissful Marriage, where I share over 20 principles of effective communication.
(b) Try to check in on yourselves daily. You need to set aside dedicated time to talk about issues and resolve them.
(c) Address issues promptly without allowing them to escalate.
(d) Deal with your ego; it doesn't serve your marriage well.
(e) Be humble and selfless; this is your marriage, and nobody is coming to help you to make it work and thrive.
(f) Choose peace over being right. Even if you are right, once you notice that it's escalating, choose peace and then choose another good day to discuss.
(g) Express gratitude always. Oh! This works like magic. Appreciate each other.
(h) Celebrate your wins and losses, whether small or big. Another thing is that you should also celebrate the process when you lose. It takes a lot to try anything.
(I) Ignore and let go of minor irritations and annoyances. They are not that deep, you know!
(j) Seek to understand your spouse's perspective and opinion.
(k) Use the "I" statement instead of choosing to blame your spouse for everything.
Shifting blame has never served anybody right in marriage. You can ask your brother, Adam. He still collect now. 🤪
(l) In all, remember that you are a team, not enemies. Always work and walk as a team. Live with the consciousness that when you fight, you're only fighting your marriage, not an individual.
Don't forget join the Excellent Singles' Club today.
Join our next Premarital Training Programme. Secure your slot now, as you can pay in instalments before the day.
Remember, the blissful marriage you want also wants you.
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Bisi Ojolo Mentoring Academy
Holistic Counsellor: Relationship and Marriage Counsellor | Postpartum Coach | Author | Public Speaker
