10/11/2025
“…I think I grew up in a society which told me, you should never do such a thing. Still today, the circle of the people who knows this story of my life is still my best friend, and one friend more (she was so sad I didn’t told her earlier but I was just afraid), my coach, one therapist, my boyfriend and two doctors (both female, the one who told me and congrats me and the one who helped me with an awesome treatment plan and who told me it is your choice what is best for you and every decision is right). I believe it was the right decision for me, but it was a tough and heartbreaking one. It changed my life and it helped me to stay the person I am. I was so angry at the government of Austria. What do they think they are, to tell me how much time I get for such a decision? I needed more time and I needed a non judgment thinking. I did all in the best knowledge I had at that time. I did took my birth control pills so precisely, but just one other medication deactivated the function of them, so this happened with no intention – just by accident. I was so concentrated of getting control on my chronic pain, I never thought that there could also be something else too. On some days I still feel guilty so so bad, it feels like I am distancing myself from every normal or traditional way of living. Those days are hard and I do not talk with anyone about it. My boyfriend is such a good guy, he always tells me it was our right to do that and I should not feel this big burden and sometimes he gets angry because he cannot understand that I am still feel the shame about this sensitive issue. But in reality I do. And I feel bad sometimes.
…I still should find a way to talk with someone, but I am hesitating. Sometimes I am thinking when I talk to someone, would this person judge me if I would talk about it? And then I am searching for a distraction to not think about it to get my peace with it back. I hope writing down this story and publishing it here helps me to get some relief.”
