07/04/2024
💖 Feeling fake
In the past I was afraid of being a fake. That I was pretending, that I was not good enough. I remember that when I worked at the university in Eindhoven, I would have this feeling too. Like that suddenly, somebody would notice that I was just pretending, that I was fake and that I certainly had no idea what I was doing.
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Ofcourse this is an old belief and old programming. And of course this whole idea of being fake is mind; it is just thoughts, based on trauma and old experiences.
Just recently, I thought that I was conscious and that I acted on it. But to be honest, it now hit me that I was just acting as if. As if I was following the flow of life. I was aware of what was going on, however, I did not listening to my consciousness. I was not in flow and neglected noticing that I was not aligned.
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Now I know: I was faking. Faking to be conscious and pretending that I was following life that flows through me. But actually, I was just letting my thoughts, my mind, determine what I was doing and in that way blocking the flow of life.
All at once my body created a sore throat and a running nose and tiredness. I know that when I am living purely from consciousness, I do not feel bad at all, I am not tired, I do not get sick. But now my muscles hurt, my body was tired and aching. It was giving clear signs that I am not living consciously or authentic; that I was just pretending.
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Right now I am happy, even grateful, for this experience. I had to go through the feeling of being fake, to the bottom, to resolve this programming, to resolve this old belief and to be able to be the purity, the pure consciousness that I am and to be my own authentic self again.
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As soon as I realized this, my body got more at ease and instantly recovered a little. I feel peace over me that I have not felt in quite some time. Now I am completely surrendering so that this conditioning can leave me, can let go of me. I know again: I am not a fraud. I am pure, I am authentic, I am consciousness.
💖 EFFORTLESSLY 💖