31/03/2026
โ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ค๐ฉ๐ช๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅโฆโ
When I first read these words
by ๐ฉ๐ฎ๐น๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ ๐๐ฎ๐๐ฟ in ๐๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐๐ฐ ๐๐ต๐ณ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณ, they stayed with me.
She describes how shame can quietly stitch itself into our story โ through small insults, stares, slurs, and subtle moments of โotheringโ that make us feel like we donโt quite belong in our own skin.
But she also writes about her sanctuary: her grandfather. The steady presence who reminded her, again and again, that she was shielded by love.
Many of us have known both experiences. I certainly have.
In my coaching and counselling work, I often see how loud the inner critic becomes over time. It carries the echoes of past experiences that may include racism and discrimination. And we tend to give that voice the microphone.
I often ask my clients one simple question:
๐๐ฉ๐ฐ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ญ๐ช๐ง๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ด ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง?
Then I encourage them to do something intentional:
Invite that voice into your life arena.
Not by silencing critics completely โ as Brenรฉ Brown reminds us, critics will always exist โ but by amplifying the voices of those who see you, believe in you, and remind you who you are.
As a coach and counsellor, my role is to support clients to:
๐ธ Identify the origins of shame.
๐ธSeparate their identity from the messages they absorbed.
๐ธReconnect with supportive, regulating relationships.
๐ธAnd strengthen an inner voice that is grounded in compassion rather than criticism.
The relationships we invest in shape our nervous system, our confidence, and our capacity to lead and live authentically.
So Iโll leave you with this:
๐๐ฉ๐ฐ ๐ช๐ด ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ โ๐ด๐ข๐ฏ๐ค๐ต๐ถ๐ข๐ณ๐บ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏโ?
๐๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐จ๐ช๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ช๐ณ ๐ท๐ฐ๐ช๐ค๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ ๐ท๐ฐ๐ญ๐ถ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ญ๐ช๐ง๐ฆ?