Recipes4Change

09/02/2026

There was a time in my life when speaking in public felt completely out of reach.

I stayed small. I hid in the background, dressed to blend in, choosing silence because being seen didn’t feel safe. Fear was in control, although at the time, I didn’t fully understand where it came from.

What changed?

A breakdown. And, crucially, the decision to ask for help.
�That moment became the beginning of a breakthrough.

That moment wasn’t a quick fix, but it was the beginning of a different relationship with fear — one built on understanding rather than self-judgment.

Recently, coming across this old video reminded me how deeply past trauma, left unresolved, can shape our present lives. It reminded me just how powerful fear can be, and how it limits our confidence, and quietly shapes the choices we make, the opportunities we avoid, and the life we believe is available to us.

This is something I encounter in my work as a coach and counsellor. So often, it isn’t a lack of ability that holds people back, it is old fear standing guard at the door of the life they want and desire.

My story isn’t unique. However, it is a reminder: we are not stuck. With the right support, awareness, and compassion, change is always possible.

I wonder if Stephanie Ward or anyone from Women's Business Initiative International remember this.

Have an insightful week.

05/02/2026

Who am I?
Who are you?
What is life all about?

These questions were at the heart of a rich and deeply human conversation I had about a month ago with the wonderful Blanca Vergara on the podcast (link below).

We spoke about identity, not as a fixed label, but as something shaped by the roles we take on, the communities we belong to, and the beliefs we wrestle with. We explored culture and religion, the quiet difficulty of asking for help, and the profound inner shift that can happen when we finally allow ourselves to receive it.

It was one of those conversations that stays with you long after it ends.

I invite you to listen to the episode and see what resonates with your own story and lived experience.

When you hear the word identity, what comes up for you?

Thank you, Blanca, for your generosity, depth, and for co-creating such a meaningful conversation.

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05/02/2026

We often talk about our 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘤.
But we rarely talk about our 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳.

And yet, we all have one.

In the noise created by our inner critic, many of us have simply forgotten that a more encouraging voice exists.

Personally, my inner cheerleaders are my grandmothers. May they rest in peace.

In their own cultural ways, they reminded me that I am loved, that I am not defined by others, and that I should believe in myself.

My paternal grandmother’s voice, in particular, lives strongly within me. During moments of racism and discrimination in my childhood, it was her nurturing voice that carried me through. It’s no surprise that her voice became my inner cheerleader.

I was reminded of this power while working with a client who described how their inner critic dominated their thoughts at work, disrupting focus, draining confidence, and eroding energy.

I asked a simple question:
“𝘞𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧?”

Their physiology shifted instantly. Their posture changed. Their face softened.

Yes … there was someone.

I asked what that person used to say. As they shared those words, their confidence visibly grew.

Then I offered a gentle reflection:
“𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘤?”

That insight landed deeply.

In our follow-up session, the client shared how transformative this shift had been.

Managing your inner critic doesn’t require silencing it. It requires reconnecting with, and amplifying, the voice that encourages growth, courage, and self-belief.

If you’d like to further soften your inner critic, here are a few suggestions:

🔸 𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲
Does it sound familiar? Does it remind you of someone from your past? Awareness alone can bring insight, and relief.
🔸 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘁
Fighting the voice usually makes it louder. Instead, acknowledge it without agreeing:
🔸 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
This voice may once have tried to protect you. You can thank it, and gently let it know its services are no longer required.
🔸 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝘇𝗼𝗻𝗲
Each time you do the very thing your inner critic says you can’t, you gather evidence of your capability. Confidence grows through action, not perfection.

Inner work isn’t about silencing parts of ourselves. It’s about learning which voices deserve to be amplified.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 — 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘥?

03/02/2026

Relocating to a new country puts you in an in-between space.

You’re no longer who you were, and you haven’t yet become who you will be.

For accompanying partners, that space can feel especially heavy.

I relocated more than once with my children to support my ex-husband’s career. Alongside my own transition, I carried the emotional and practical responsibility of helping my children adapt, regulate, and feel secure in a new culture.

What I remember most is how invisible I became.

No letters arrived in my name. No calls were for me. Once I stopped being employed, it felt as though I no longer existed. Motherhood, the most important work I was doing, was dismissed as “doing nothing.”

I still remember a dinner conversation where, after I said I was a stay-at-home mum, the person beside me simply turned away. No curiosity. No interest. Nothing.

Around the same period, I met a few stay-at-home fathers, who were treated like celebrities. Admired. Praised. Seen as exceptional. Meanwhile, countless women doing the same work were ignored or belittled.

That contrast revealed how deeply dysfunctional our societal narratives are, and how profoundly we undervalue the most important work of all. Family therapist Virginia Satir called it “people making.” How can something so fundamental be treated as invisible?

Twenty years later, in my work as a coach and counsellor with internationals, I still hear stories that mirror my own.
Accompanying partners, most often mothers, doing everything, everywhere, without recognition or support.

Women are still forced to choose in ways men are not. Fathers are not discarded professionally when they have children; mothers so often are.

To these mothers I say, there is nothing wrong with you. You do not need fixing.

What needs to change is how the world understands and supports women who relocate, adapt, and reshape their careers for family.

I never regretted prioritising my children. What I regret is believing the world would meet that choice with respect, fairness, or understanding. I was naïve to think there would be clear pathways back, or systems that reflected the realities of women’s lives.

Motherhood develops extraordinary skills: leadership, emotional intelligence, resilience, and adaptability. It was the most demanding yet rewarding role I’ve ever held, and the one that taught me the most about who I am and who I can become.

And yet, this dismissive attitude never diminished my passion for motherhood. If anything, it made me more determined to change the narrative, for my daughters, and for the women I work with, so that gender is never an obstacle in the path for choice.

This is what I bring into my work with accompanying partners.

𝘐𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘐’𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺.

02/02/2026

I grew up in a home where laughter was a survival tool.

The more troubled the situation, the louder the laughter. My father was usually the one cracking jokes and poking fun, helping us carry what felt unbearable. For a short while, the weight lifted and we could breathe again.

I truly believe laughter helped us cope during the civil war lockdowns in Lebanon and the curfews following the 1979 coup d’état in Ghana. In those moments, laughter didn’t erase the fear or uncertainty, but it reminded us that this too shall pass. It helped us pause, reflect, and stay human in inhumane circumstances.

I carried that relationship with laughter into adulthood. I still generate moments of laughter whenever I can. It’s irresistible, contagious, freely available, and universal.

However, as I engaged in my own therapy and later retrained as a coach and counsellor, my understanding of laughter deepened.

I learned that while laughter can be healing, it can also be harmful when it dismisses the seriousness of a situation, minimizes real pain, avoids necessary conversations, or comes at the expense of others. In my work, laughter often tells a story — sometimes of resilience and connection, and other times of discomfort, deflection, or unprocessed emotion.

Laughter is powerful when it supports awareness rather than bypasses it.

So yes, laugh, generously and often, but with intention and care. When laughter causes no harm, it can ignite something vital within us, reconnecting us to ourselves and to one another.

What are your thoughts on laughter?

29/01/2026

I know first-hand what it means to reinvent yourself as an international.

I arrived in the Netherlands for the second time as a stay-at-home mum. When my second child started school, I re-entered the job market with a background in pharmacy, only to discover how limiting it can feel when language and local systems become barriers. Rather than letting this stop me, I explored alternative paths, drawing on my volunteering experience and my growing interest in human development.

This led me to qualify as an NLP Master Practitioner and work briefly as a special needs assistant at an international school, before returning to pharmacy in an international health centre. Alongside this, my passion for coaching continued to grow, and with time and courage, I established my own practice.

Working with clients, many of them internationals like myself, I noticed a recurring theme: emotional and mental health challenges linked to life transitions, identity shifts, career change, and the pressure to “start again.” Wanting to serve my clients more deeply and ethically, I trained as a TA counsellor to complement my coaching work.

My professional journey, combined with my role as a mother and my own life experiences, has shaped the way I work today. Motherhood taught me to listen beyond words, build resilience, and meet people with compassion and patience. My background as a pharmacist strengthened my listening, problem-solving, and interpersonal skills, particularly in moments of vulnerability.

I believe that no experience is ever wasted. Many internationals are forced to retrain, change professions, or redefine themselves, not because they lack ability, but because their circumstances demand it. What may feel like a loss of time often becomes a source of depth, strength, and insight.

Today, I support internationals who are navigating reinvention, career change, emotional challenges, and major life transitions. Having walked this path myself, I offer a space of understanding, empathy, and practical support, guiding my clients to reconnect with who they are, integrate their past experiences, and move forward with clarity and confidence.

𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬, 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘮𝘦𝘥, 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘥𝘴—𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺—𝘐’𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘵. 𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘷𝘪𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳.

27/01/2026

We often try to change behaviour by reacting to what we can see.
But what we see is only the 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲-𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆.

Our external behaviours are expressions of something deeper: beliefs, perceptions, fears, unmet needs, past experiences. That deeper layer is the 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽-𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆, and it’s what actually motivates behaviour.

When we focus only on the surface:

🔸We correct, confront, or control
🔸We label behaviour as “good” or “bad”
🔸We create short-term change at best

When we get curious about the deep structure:
💫We ask why instead of assigning blame
💫We uncover what the behaviour is protecting or solving
💫We create the conditions for real choice and autonomy

This is where lasting and meaningful change comes from.

Whether in leadership, teams, parenting, or personal growth:

Let’s move from reacting to behaviour to being curious about what’s driving it.

Surface fixes manage symptoms. Deep-structure work addresses the root cause and changes systems, patterns, and people.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘵?

26/01/2026

Something I often reflect on, and believe we can all benefit from as a community, is how we view mental and emotional health.

We still have work to do in changing perceptions and attitudes around this topic. Removing stigma. Encouraging openness. Creating space for honest dialogue about our mental and emotional struggles.

This is why I choose to be open about my own past experiences. I share not only the challenges, but also the ways I have healed and grown. My hope is that this openness encourages others to join the conversation and share their stories too.

There is immense power in storytelling. Our stories don’t just inspire and empower, they remind us that we are not alone.

I often feel saddened when clients tell me that no one in their community knows what they are going through. That they feel ashamed or embarrassed, or fear being judged if others knew. I remember feeling that way myself four decades ago, and I truly hoped that future generations would experience something different.

Changing this requires all of us. We need to actively work on shifting our attitudes toward mental and emotional health and intentionally create safe environments where people feel supported enough to speak up and seek help.

Ultimately, I hope we begin to prioritise our mental and emotional wellbeing just as much, if not more, than our physical health. To give our mind and soul aches the same care and attention we give to body aches.

Collectively, we can be more open and transparent. We can share our stories of facing challenges and overcoming them. These are not sad stories, they are real stories of resilience, courage, and growth. Stories that remind us that 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆.

21/01/2026

Let’s talk about accents.

In my thirties, as a young mum living in Oman, an acquaintance once asked how long I had lived in the UK. When I answered, he replied condescendingly:
“𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘜𝘒 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘓𝘦𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵?”

My response was simple and honest:
“𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺, 𝘮𝘺 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺. 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭. 𝘈𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦.”

A decade later, after moving to the Netherlands, history repeated itself. While learning Dutch, I was again made fun of, this time for having an accent in a new language. And again, I chose not to let the discomfort of others silence me.

For much of my youth, I was shamed for looking different and sounding different. Today, I celebrate those very differences. I embrace my uniqueness, whether in how I look, how I speak English, Dutch, or any other language I choose to learn.

As a coach and counsellor working with internationals, this topic is deeply personal and professional. My clients come from all over the world. We work in English, yet no two voices sound the same. Each accent carries a story – of origin, migration, resilience, courage, and adaptation. I find that deeply human and profoundly beautiful.

From my perspective, communication is about 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, not perfection. If we understand each other, do we really need to sound the same? What would we lose if we erased the very traces of where we’ve been and who we are?

People will always have opinions about how you should speak, act, or live. The real work lies in choosing whether you define yourself by others’ expectations or by your own values and beliefs.

𝗦𝗼, 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝗺𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂:
𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 “𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦” 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦, 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥?

20/01/2026

“𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶.”

What a wonderful phrase.

What a beautiful thing to tell someone.

At a recent event, I was sitting with friends, chatting and eating. The person opposite me was trying to reach a plate in front of me, so I lifted it and placed it within easy reach. They didn’t just say thank you — they followed it with, “𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶.”

Those words really struck me.

The next day, I did the same. I thanked someone for helping me with a task and added, “𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶”. Once again, I noticed the same quiet, positive effect.

It made me reflect on how rarely we use that phrase.

In a world where appreciation often feels scarce, and taking one another for granted feels common, three simple words can make a powerful difference. “𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶” goes beyond acknowledging an action — it acknowledges the 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻. It helps people feel seen, valued, and recognised.

As a coach and counsellor, I often see how deeply people long to feel appreciated — not for what they do, but for who they are. Small moments of genuine appreciation can have a profound impact on our emotional and mental well-being, and on the quality of our relationships.

If this resonates with you, perhaps it’s something to practice this week — at work, at home, or even with yourself. And if you’re finding it hard to feel seen or valued in your own life, that’s often something worth exploring with support.

Three simple words.
A meaningful human connection.

I appreciate you.

Perhaps it’s time we bring this phrase into our everyday vocabulary.

What are your thoughts?

19/01/2026

What if one of our deepest emotional needs is also one of the most overlooked?

During my Transactional Analysis training (TA), I learned about a concept that profoundly changed how I understand relationships, communication, and personal growth: 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙨.

In TA, a stroke is a 𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. The idea stems from research by René Spitz, who observed that infants deprived of physical stimulation fared far worse than those who received it. Touch, attention, and recognition are not optional for human beings, they are essential.

As adults, we may no longer rely solely on physical touch, but the need for recognition remains just as strong. We substitute touch with other forms of acknowledgment: a smile, a nod, eye contact, a kind word, a compliment, or even constructive feedback.

In TA we refer to this deep human need as “stroke hunger.”
We all seek strokes, consciously or unconsciously, and we often shape our behaviour, choices, and relationships around getting them.

Strokes can be positive or negative, verbal or non-verbal, unconditional (about who we are) or conditional (about what we do).

In my coaching and counselling practice, I see often how people:

😞Accept negative strokes because any recognition feels better than none.
😩Struggle to receive positive strokes, even when they crave it.
🏆Tie self-worth exclusively to performance, approval, or achievement.

Awareness and understanding of strokes help us:

💫 Improve communication.
💫Build healthier relationships.
💫Strengthen self-esteem.
💫Create workplaces and homes where people feel genuinely seen.

Recognition is a human need. When we become conscious of it, we can transform how we relate to ourselves and others.

👉 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵?

👉 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴?

14/01/2026

My name is Rawia, which in Arabic means a female storyteller, and there is nothing I find more meaningful, inspiring, empowering, and enjoyable than the sharing of stories.

That is exactly what we experienced yesterday morning during a session I facilitated as part of the Bezuidenhout
Social Club meet-ups.

Through imagination, creativity, and a willingness to be spontaneous, we created stories in pictures. The experience was both insightful and inspiring, reminding us that even in challenging times, shared stories can help us stay connected, bonded, and supportive of one another.

Stories play a central role in my work as a coach and counsellor. Often, clients bring the stories they were told growing up, about who they are, what they are capable of, and what is expected of them. These narratives often shape their beliefs, behaviours, and choices well into adulthood. The empowering part of this work is recognising that these stories are not fixed. With awareness and support, we can question them, reframe them, and consciously create new narratives that better serve who we are becoming.

Thank you, Zeyda Erol, for creating this meaningful space, and thank you to all the participants for your openness, curiosity, and willingness to share your stories.

What story has shaped you the most, and how might it be influencing the way you show up in your life today?