17/07/2023
Well put by Jack Hopkins —
«With the chaos in our nation the last several years, we’ve had enough challenges as a nation, without needing to create or intensify challenges in our personal lives.
I once sat in with a couple of therapists, over the course of a couple of days, who had requested that I come take a look at how they worked.
They had called me after a patient they had worked with for a long time-with little progress-had made a notable improvement after coming to see me.
That, in and of itself, was rare in my experience. Not many therapists call someone else and say-in so many words “come see if their is anything I’m doing wrong”
I was amazed at how often they were cementing their patients issue in place. Over and over again, I heard “So, as you think about your anxiety…” or “Tell me more about the anxiety you’re having.”
The verb tenses/ temporal predicates they used were keeping anxiety in the present tense, and sometimes extended it into their future with something like “Do you remember what to do, if say, you’re at the store…and start having anxiety?” It was painful to watch and listen to.
Instead, my own interactions would go something like this.
“Michael, before we get started…you know that shortly, I’ll ask about what you had been sensing that nudged to to call me.”
“Before we get started” is a magical phrase. People are relaxed when they hear that. It indicates that we haven’t officially started the session yet. By implying we haven’t started, I can do all kinds of work and have them remain far more relaxed…and receptive.
The easiest way to get someone to tense up and have their mind start closing down is to say “Ok…let’s get started.” I never said that. Ever. All of my work was done in one perpetual “before we get started” phase.
“I’ll ask you about what you had been sensing that nudged you to call me” You’ll notice I never used the word “anxiety.” “Anxiety” is what linguists call a nominalization. It sounds like a person, place or thing-a noun-but isn’t. “Anxiety” is a process. It has a beginning, stages in the middle, and an end. If you can’t put something in a container of adequate size…it’s not a noun.
By using “sensing” I am putting it back into the process that it is. It’s critical to not use “sensations” because “sensations” are also a nominalization. It’s a word often used for “sensing” in therapy. Sensations is basically telling the patient “you HAVE something.” Sensing” suggests they only experience it until it’s over. A MUCH better suggestion.
Now, the temporal predicates. I didn’t say “anxiety you are HAVING” and validate that “anxiety” is a THING, and that they have it ALL the time…even right NOW. No.
I said “…what you HAD been sensing….” I’m already helping them to cognitively and experientially move what they sense sometimes….to the PAST.
I don’t know. Call me crazy, but I always felt like that was a good idea when helping someone who wanted to move BEYOND some challenge in their life.
Now, what about YOUR day to day life? Are you someone who has headaches, who, when not having one, sometimes says to others “Oh yes. I have headaches/migraines, too!” as though you are possession of some cursed object of permanence?
Every person I’ve ever worked with who came because of their “migraines” heard me say “Okay. So I understand there are times when you find your head aching very badly, and it feels as though it’s ruining your life?”
A “headache” is a nominalization. It’s not a THING. It is a process. It has a beginning, phases in the middle, and an end. Some experiences are shorter than others. Thus, I use “head aching” to put it back into the form it really is: a process with forward movement.
So, as you HAVE this information swirling in your mind, knowing you’ll be HAVING this happen for the next few days, you can use it-eventually-well enough to not have to ever again experience-with the same intensity-the challenges you have HAD…in the past. Study it. Use it. Enjoy.»
Do!
