Mind your Mind

14/10/2024

Beauty, sensuality & Sexuality:
Exploring the function of Love in romantic relationships
Part 2: The shadow of romantic relationships

The presence of Beauty infuses human Beings with sensitivity and a unique magnetic attraction. This magnetic attraction makes individuals sexually desirable. Sexuality expresses and experiences Beauty in romantic relationships.

In this article, shadow refers to any trauma that blocks the embodiment of essential qualities. Trauma is a form of fragmentation in which parts of the ego separate into compartments to eventually form a personality. The essential qualities blocked by unhealed trauma include self-love, self-appreciation, willingness to trust, bonding, self-protection, self-nurturing, forgiving, compassion, playfulness, innocence, passion, etc. Healing the shadow self integrates it.

Healing allows the personality to transform into a stable, dynamic character. Romantic relationships are intimate and loving; they enjoy mutual physical, mental, and emotional attraction that culminates in loving sexuality.

"The absence of Beauty distorts Love in romantic relationships into ugly insensitive power struggles"

Here are some examples of the power struggles and distortions of Love in romantic relationships: obsession in the form of jealousy, envy, and losing yourself inside your lover, separation anxiety, deception, lies, withholding affection, distrust, the need to control and manipulate, associating sexuality with pain, violence, domination, and submissive roles, the need for po*******hy to feel sexually aroused.

Romantic Love embodies genuine mutual attraction, which brings about a dynamic relationship space filled with Loving, caring intimacy, respect, clear communication that willingly shares and listens attentively, sexual passion, tenderness, playfulness, joy, happiness, patience, kindness, and compassion.

"Romantic Love is benevolent in nature, it does no harm, and it feels good"

Trauma affects the ability to Love romantically

There are specific ways in which a child and a teenager get traumatized and subsequently develop maladaptive coping mechanisms. It is essential to realize that what society considers to be a "normal" high-functioning individual is, in actuality, a person with varying degrees of trauma that hides inside an intricate, sophisticated personality.

The personality constructed during childhood mimics the parents, family, and culture's coping mechanisms. It is not an authentic character forged through the discomfort of healing trauma, learning valuable lessons from difficult experiences, and enjoying the fulfillment of applying one's unique talents and skills as a contribution to others.

Religious Beliefs: Some religion's practices and dogma act as systems of control that repress and distort Beauty, sensuality, and sexuality, particularly in women; some religions practice ge***al mutilation of children-circumcision; prohibit sexual exploration in the form of ma********on; Instil guilt and shame for in*******se unless it is for procreation; and some forbid birth control.

Parental neglect and abuse: hostile behavior results in significantly diminished self-worth and the toxic belief that one does not deserve Love. When parents cannot nurture, provide, protect, respect, and confirm the beauty and uniqueness of their children, the child becomes insecure and develops coping mechanisms to prevent or minimize rejection, punishment, and abandonment.

Sexual abuse: When there is sexual abuse, the child's self-preservation instincts dissociate to distort and repress the incident. In severely violent cases such as r**e, the memory of the incident gets distorted and suppressed out of awareness. In many cases, the coping mechanisms are attempts at reenacting the role of the perpetrator or the victim. This coping mechanism is how sexual dominant-submissive role-playing can become a mechanical loveless act.

Ego-identity and sexuality:
Self-images and your body image

Body image and self-image have a significant effect on sexuality. Body image consists of the way you think and feel about your body. This mental representation begins as early as three years old when each parent's body image influences a child. A mother with a severely negative body image will pass that on, particularly to a daughter. Therefore, most people's body image is a distorted perception of their body that includes moods and attitudes about themselves based on interactions with their parents.

Body image is embedded inside self-image. The way a person sees and feels about who they think they are is another mental representation. It is a recorded memory of the feeling of approval or disapproval from each parent. Both positive and negative childhood self-images contain a feeling of uneasiness.

A positive self-image has fixed ideas of how to behave and look. It lacks spontaneity and naturalness. A negative self-image has a built-in belief of worthlessness and an expectation of rejection and punishment.

Summary: Beauty is an inherent quality in Humans. It conveys Value and goodness and is accessed through the body. Beauty ignites Love and Appreciation. Beauty, sensitivity, and sexuality merge in romantic relationships.

When lovers in a romantic relationship have a negative body image and identify with childhood self-images, their relationship and experience of Love and self-worth are distorted.

Mental and emotional negativity is a symptom of unhealed trauma that gets covered by maladaptive coping mechanisms- harmful behaviors such as judging, criticizing, shaming, controlling, manipulating, and choosing to be the victim of such treatment. These are co-dependent relationships where each lover lacks autonomy and sovereignty.

For Lovers to enjoy the beauty and pleasure of loving sexuality, a safe, respectful relationship space is required. For this space to become consistent, each lover needs to be mature and responsible to heal any trauma that causes them to feel insecure, unworthy, and unlovable.

Written by Osiris Montenegro

Beauty,sensuality & sexuality Part two class: The shadow of romantic relationships class: October 18-19-20 Oslo, Norway

05/10/2024

Make sure you eat Organic-non GMO (genetically modified to kill you) 🥰
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From the iconic heart-shaped strawberry to the elongated, curvy banana, and even the peculiarly familiar shape of the walnut brain, the world of fruits and …

04/10/2024

04/10/2024

😡

01/10/2024

Do you feel inferior, superior, or as valuable as others? Your feeling of Self-worth regulates how you behave towards yourself and others. In other words, you value what you love, and you love what you value.

Children who are not loved and valued adequately develop compensatory behaviors to feel loved and valued. There is a direct connection between how external authority figures treat a child and their subsequent internal authority.

Parental authority conditions a child’s future identity. Children need nurturing, loving attention, protection from harm, guidance on how to do things, and confirmation of their value, such as being listened to and played with.

Emotional needs are not negotiable. When a child lacks adequate loving care, they become insecure, and if these needs are severely neglected or ignored, emotional trauma occurs.

Besides parental conditioning injuring Self-worth, there is cultural conditioning. For example, here in Norway, there is “janteloven,” which roughly translates as a shaming question: who do you think you are? Shaming is an invisible yet palpable social disapproval of expressions of uniqueness and success. It is terrible and effective.

A child’s identity forms while they lack the mental cognition to differentiate what is true and false or a basic understanding of what is harmless and what is harmful. The consequence of this predicament is that children form an identity based on how they are treated. Were you respected? Where your preferences valued?

“There are two core obstacles to embodying an authentic inner Authority: Self-doubt and self-sabotage”

Doubt is a fearful way of thinking. The primary fears are getting hurt, rejected, punished, and abandoned. The personality is a desperate attempt to avoid the danger of hurt. Avoidance leads to self-deception that becomes self-betrayal and distrust. Those who lack trust in themselves betray themselves and are suspicious of others.

Humans have mirror neurons that allow us to learn and adapt by reproducing familiar behaviors. How our caretakers behave towards us and each other, we subconsciously copy and attract someone who behaves similarly.

Some of the different ways we become insecure:

If your mother denied your natural preferences, overwhelmed you with her needs, and ignored your needs, your sense of value and belonging got injured and imprinted with fear, self-hatred, and distrust of authority.

If your father was absent or unwilling or incapable of protecting you from your mother’s abuse or neglect, and he lacked the skills to give you the nurturing attention you desperately need. Then, the imprint of unworthiness, distrust, rejection, fear of punishment, and abandonment got stronger.

If your mother was loving to you and your father was abusive to you, and she didn’t protect you, the same imprint of unworthiness and not belonging would be established in your personality. If your parents hated each other and stayed together, the same imprint of unworthiness and not belonging would become part of your ego identity.

Many are raised by adults who are already traumatized and developed coping mechanisms that make them insensitive to their own needs. Consequently, they pass on to their children their survival coping mechanisms:

1-Dominating and manipulating.
2-Being subservient and avoiding conflicts.
3-Rebelling against authority by being careless and irresponsible.

Do you recognize any of these tendencies?

Personal Development is a process of healing trauma while simultaneously learning to be authentic, responsible and recognizing who you are not. It is both simple and complex—it is not complicated. Personal Development has different layers. The process requires time and skilled, loving support.

In my work, the Mind Your Mind method, the first step in becoming authentic is establishing a solid internal boundary that delineates who you are not. The parameters for this are simple: love and value yourself.

Just as in medicine, the first principle is do no harm. The personality houses inner voices that focus on negativity. Mental negativity takes the form of Self-judgment and self-sabotage-These are harmful ways of being.

The inner judge acts like a parent telling you how you should behave in order to be approved of. The second one is a voice tempting you to rebel against authority; this is the voice of the saboteur, a voice that seduces and temps you to be irresponsible. The saboteur’s job is to tempt you to betray yourself.

My first recommendation is to stop believing your negative thoughts. Second, become a good listener and discern which voices are talking inside your mind. Third, bring your attention to the present moment, decide how to feel, and act appropriately.

Recognizing True authority

True authority commands obedience. It is respectful, loving, and determined. This form of masculine authority is called tough Love. It instills responsibility and accountability. It requires discipline and dedication. Children who are forced to “be good” grow up to be insecure perfectionists, or careless losers.

The feminine aspect of authority is nurturing Love. It is caring, soothing, tender, forgiving, and healing. Excessive nurturing love creates entitled undisciplined little monsters.

“A mature adult embodies authentic internal authority when they are responsible and loving to themselves, they have clear boundaries that protect their interest and they respect themselves and others”

Being perfect and doing things perfectly is not sustainable. This predicament opens the door for the saboteur to seduce you. The voice of the saboteur tempts you to become lazy, disorganized, and prone to distractions. The saboteur is a time thief; it causes you to waste time doing things that are not important.

The saboteur seduces you into adopting an attitude of carelessness or giving up. Its aim is to manipulate you into acting in ways that betray your values. This betrayal proves that you are not good enough and that you don’t deserve Love. This misery loop stops only when you dis-identify from avoidance patterns.

The inner judge is heartless and only concerned with impossible standards. The saboteur is a reaction to the unsustainable task of obeying orders at the expense of personal preferences.

Each individual has a unique version of internal authority that merges the best and the worst of each parent. A simple and effective distinction is knowing when you are engaging in self-control, forcing yourself to do and be something that is inauthentic, versus commanding yourself to behave appropriately and responsibly.

Being mature is often uncomfortable, and this is how an authentic character develops. If you tend to do things out of obligation and duty without a genuine feeling of care and purpose, then your behavior is likely directed by a conflicted internal authority.

Written by Osiris Montenegro

One day class on Internal Authority Sunday September 6th. Oslo, Norway

30/09/2024

Your relationship to Authority
Part 1

Do you avoid conflicts and confrontations? Or do you embrace them in real-time? Do you demand to be in charge? Or can you willingly cooperate with others? Do you withhold, edit, or censor yourself? Or do you speak sincerely and honestly? Do you have to be right? Or can you accept making mistakes and willingly correct them? These are examples of tyrannical self-control and individuals commanding a healthy internal authority.

Your internal Authority governs how you relate to external authorities. In Part Two of this article, I will offer suggestions for embodying your authentic internal Authority.

Authority is the exercise of legitimate influence to produce a clear perspective that makes appropriate, intelligent decisions, followed by efficient actions, behaviors, and attitudes. Indeed, your attitude towards yourself and others is the result of your internal Authority. You can will yourself to be nasty and cruel or forgiving and kind.

Authentic internal Authority is unified and free of conflicts. Unification is crucial for sound Mental Health, self-determination, and freedom of choice. Inauthentic internal authority rules insecure, immature, and traumatized individuals. It is fragmented into parts with conflicting agendas. It disregards your preferences based on your core values and forces you to comply with other people's agendas.

People who don't engage in an in-depth Personal Development process live their lives inside a repetitive internal conversation where the voice of Authority is inherited from their parents. Even those who rebel against their parental Authority are using their parents as a point of reference; this is inauthentic.

"Healthy parental authority demonstrates consistent Love, respect, protection, nurturing attention, appreciation, response-ability, and self-care"

Consider Authority as authorship, being the author. Authentic authors are original, spontaneously inspired, enthusiastic, and determined when pursuing their desires, goals, and intentions. What kind of Authority did your parents model for you?

Life is uncertain

Even when someone has a clear plan, a realistic schedule, and a set of reasonable goals for the day, life is uncertain; anything can happen at any time that can change everything. This uncertainty is why having an internal authentic loving authority is so important. Authentic inner Authority has no prejudice or preconceptions; it is spontaneous and responds to actual events and situations.

Your parents' programmed Authority is based on their beliefs, traumas, worldviews, and everything healthy and harmful they inherited. Relative to you and the world you live in now, the automatic mental programs that run your mind are outdated and misinformed about who you are as an adult and how the world around you is today.

"A healthy inner authority is guided by intuition and common sense when an unexpected decision and action is required"

People who suffer from self-doubt also suffer from indecision and avoid making decisions by engaging in the toxic habit of worrying and procrastinating-engaging in activities that are not important or relevant to what is happening. Do you recognize this? Do you waste time?

Insecure people hide behind attitudes of stubbornness, arrogance, pride, and being a knoll-a-know-it-all. They are bossy, controlling, forceful, insensitive, and manipulative. They use coercion, threats, and shaming negative comparisons to get their way.

Tyrannical Authority takes advantage of a complimentary insecure person who, out of fear, agrees to be dominated and abused by compulsively obeying orders, pleasing, helping, rescuing, and unnecessarily taking on responsibilities. Do you recognize a heartless, judgmental, tyrannical voice and its subservient victim?

Healthy internal Authority

Mature individuals are response-able, proactive, and have clear personal Boundaries. Establishing an internal boundary delineating who you are and who you are not is essential for self-care and accessing inner resources, particularly during difficult moments or in prolonged, unexpected circumstances where determination is needed.

Determination is powered by inner strength, and it is the fuel for super efforts. Determination without self-care leads to burnout syndrome.

People who believe they are not good enough live with fear of rejection and punishment. They are compelled to compensate for their unworthiness and need to do things perfectly, and they suffer in the process.

"Self-care balances determination by knowing when to stop working and start resting and enjoying life"

Another essential aspect of healthy internal Authority is humility. Being willing to be humble makes a generous individual happy to give and help without bragging about it.

Humility ignites the willingness to surrender control and recognize a mistake. In a mature individual, admitting a mistake triggers a momentary feeling of remorse that activates a sincere intention to atone- to make amends or reparations. When there is nothing that can be done, a humble person forgives themselves and makes peace by learning what not to do.

Healthy, authentic internal Authority is a process that requires:

1-Healing childhood mental and emotional abuse or neglect that resulted in trauma.
2-Identifying a set of core values and mastering embodying these values during stressful situations.
3-Maturing and transforming your self-identity from childhood self-images to a resilient, strong, loving mature character.

We live in a time of social transformation that is immensely manipulated and exploited by for-profit corporations. Society is deceived and coerced by corrupt governments to accept unhealthy norms.

Many well-functioning individuals are ignorant of the extent of parental abuse and neglect they endured in their childhood. Violent entertainment, po*******hy, video game addictions, and mindless social media trends numbs and distracts people from their suffering.

"Learning to dis-identify from internal negative self-talk that shames, threatens, controls, blames, complains, seduces and tempts you to misbehave, is essential for Sound Mental health"

Healthy inner Authority is Loving, confident, humble, and authentically caring. If you recognize being insecure and compensate for it by being controlling or submissive, I encourage you to get help from a loving, skilled professional.

Written by Osiris Montenegro

I'm offering a one day class on skills for authentic inner authority Sunday September 6th, Oslo Norway

24/09/2024

The significance of Integral values

Integral refers to what makes a whole complete. With regard to core values, integral values include different core values that function in harmonious alignment. For example, Love is integral to compassion and kindness, strength is integral to courage and honesty, and power is integral to strength and clarity.

The unfoldment of Personal Development begins with the alchemical transformation of the childhood personality into an adult character. Individuals who fail to complete this endeavor end up living an adult life with a sophisticated yet immature personality.

The personality is an incomplete stage of psychological development. It is driven solely by instincts to avoid danger and pain and the need for attachments that distort into addictions to get something. Indeed, the personality functions as a series of mostly unconscious automatic reactive patterns of addictions.

The personality's reactivity signals that it is directed by static self-images defined by unverified core beliefs. For example, once a child accepts the belief that they are worthless, their positive and negative self-images are fixed. This child will grow up to readily feel insecure, guilty, and ashamed. To cope with this predicament, positive self-images will attempt to generate self-worth by behaving in specific ways, no matter the level of hurt and stress involved. A typical example is the drive to be perfect.

Psychological maturity involves healing and integrating Trauma—any painful experience that is not understood and reframed as a valuable learning and Self-empowering event. When the healing process gains momentum, the defense mechanisms of the personality—all the addictive behaviors, emotions, and negative thinking patterns—begin to dissolve until they are deleted from an individual's identity.

The personality is mechanically operated by core beliefs, many are toxic, to act in predictable ways self-control, self-censoring, and self-editing. An adult character acts spontaneously and appropriately by means of embodying specific qualities of Being-your core values.

The significance of integral values

The significance of integral values is authentic spontaneous dynamism-appropriate actions and progress. In contrast, the personality acts out impulsive and compulsive hostile attitudes-judging, shaming; helpless attitudes-blaming, complaining, fearful attitudes-avoiding, withholding, and inauthentic transactions- helping, pleasing, rescuing aimed at generate safety, security and wordiness.

Life’s dynamic, and changing nature requires adults to access inner resources and actualize them at a moment's notice-Adults can become what they need. For instance, Clear and focused instead of confused and overwhelmed. Dynamism is how embodiment and becoming merge into integral qualities that function intelligently and harmoniously.

Healing is a process of unifying the fragments of the personality that have separated into conflicting parts. Fragmentation is a reaction to different traumas at different times. The earliest traumas are most painful and disorienting to children because of their fragility and extreme sensitivity. Healing trauma requires presence, care, compassion, strength, dedication, etc. Love is an integral quality that facilitates healing.

Summary: The childhood personality has the potential to transform into an adult character comprised of a dynamic set of different qualities of Being. This transformation consists of maturing-becoming response-able and accountable, and healing trauma. Core values function in harmony through the influencing presence of integral values.

Beauty, sensuality & sexuality Part 2 class: Integrating sexuality's shadow October 18-19-20

Written by Osiris Montenegro