Holistisk Utvikling

19/09/2025

19/04/2025

Holistisk Utvikling
Hi everyone.
I have opened a group instead on Facebook under the same name and picture. Some people have been invited, others might have been slipped over due to not having them in my seen list. Apologies.
I will not be posting here any longer. Please see the new group if you wish to support me in my work and keep following.
I want to have a safer space for those in the community. This is long overdue. For now there are no posts in there but over time it will accumulate. Eventually in about less then a month this page will be gone.

Link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1558103358192963/?ref=share

Thanks for all your support so far. Be blessed.

17/04/2025

16/04/2025

Dear community and followers. Holistisk Utvikling
I post pretty often on here about many differing subjects relating to the development of people in many areas including trauma, plant medicine, integration, s*xuality, body work, energy healing and much more.
I give of my time, experience and expertise in these fields to share and build a community.

Sadly the interaction from the community is minimal. Often many of the same people commenting. This is not to force people to interact but I also do not want this to be a place where people just hang out or view from afar. I want it to be safer for the participants here who do share and to create a platform for people to receive what is deeply heard in their souls.

You may not agree with every quote or paragraph and that is great. But if every now and then something touches your heart or you have seen this is a friend or family member then I ask for feedback.

I will be over time blocking people who do not interact as I said not because of excluding people but to create a better space for those needing this. I want to make this an interactive group and safer for the people who do show up and are needing this in their lives.

Please unlike and unfollow this group if its not for you. The rest of you can take some time to reflect on this and add your engagement.

A small safe group is far better then an empty mass.
This is a good time for spring cleaning.
I will give it a week.

Thank you for your engagement to those who have been choosing for some time.
Have a great day.

16/04/2025

Talking our different bodies alive. Let them take space. This does not only apply to woman but to men also.
We all comes from different cultures and backgrounds.
Maybe a mom and dad even from differing backgrounds and our bodies are born from that.

There are so many standards these days on what is beautiful or acceptable and what is not.
Who decides this, how is this learnt, how do we learn to accept all shapes and sizes.

Sure some people may have habits such as overeating, food disorders that thin their bodies and addictions or diseases that lead to decay or deformity. But those places are also needing love and acceptance.
Those things may also tell a story such as trauma, such as a past life incident, such as bullying, such as being teased, such as being born and having to survive a disease which has taken incredible strength to do.
It's not our place to judge but to love and see deeper into what people really are.

We are taught in society to be critical of differences in beauty. To critize a nose for being too big, a waist line for being too curvy, a leg being too short, a tummy having too many stretch marks. But each body tells a story, a tale of life and we can either choose to see it fully in is splendor or in its repulsion. This is a choice that often says more about us then the other.

What if we take a moment to talk our bodies alive instead of down.
Like in this tale maybe the thing you were taught to dislike holds magic.

16/04/2025

This is a big one for anyone with PTSD, complex PTSD or developmental trauma. Shame.... the silent killer of life.

Two quotes about toxic shame that really hit close to home (from Pete Walker’s book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving) excellent book.

“John Bradshaw describes the devastation of the child’s emotional nature as “soul murder”. He explains this as involving a process where the child’s emotional expression [his first language of self-expression] is so assaulted with disgust that any emotional experience immediately devolves into toxic shame.”

“When contempt replaces the milk of human kindness at an early age, the child feels humiliated and overwhelmed. Too helpless to protest or even understand the unfairness of being abused, the child eventually becomes convinced that she is defective and fatally flawed. Frequently she comes to believe that she deserves her parents’ persecution.”

Paragraph by Dr Daniel Siegel (clinical professor of psychiatry):

These isolated states of being - shame intensified by humiliation - burn themselves into our synaptic connections... In the future, we'll be vulnerable to reactivating the state of shame or humiliation in contexts that resemble the original situations. The state of shame becomes associated wit a cortically constructed belief that the self is defective. From the point of view of survival, "I am bad" is a safer perspective that "My parents are unreliable and may abandon me at any time." It's better for the child to feel defective than to realize that his attachment figures are dangerous, undependable, or untrustworthy. The mental mechanism of shame at least preserves for him the illusion of safety and security that is at the core of his sanity.

We deeply need to break the silence and paralysed states that shame keeps people in. Words need to be spoken about it. It needs to be felt. It is a very hard emotion to feel and come to terms with but it must be done in order to become free.

Shame was never your birth right. It is not who and what you are. You deserve to be free.

15/04/2025

This is a post I saw on Facebook and I thought to share it. It's from a man who finally owned up. After years of therapy and work, and probably a long trail of broken hearts, he takes some accountability.

Woman often know in their guts when something is off but due to neglect, lack of parenting and love, lack of a mother to guide them correctly and the ongoing amount of conditioning in society for woman to adhere to old protocols of being, they don't follow their inner knowing, they side line their truth, they don't listen to that little voice inside that says this is not ok and why, they try to be what men want them to be. Why because most of these woman are unmothered in the right ways, because they lack the knowledge on how to protect themselves due to that and because patriarchy and other conditioning have often made them sabotage themselves for others. This is the work for woman. They often land up feeling confused, exhausted and anxious. Following improvement after improvement. Suffering from illnesses like auto immunity and feeling half dead rather then alive. Confused in every relationship thinking they are at fault.
The gaslighting hidden in men's shadow is vast. They often project it into woman to be able to not face it. Why does she keep nagging.... she nags, she creates drama when I just need peace and space, she is acting crazy, she is always hassling me to listen, she is toxic, she is too much. The long list.
Whenever I see a woman at the end of her rope, what is referred to as hysterical or crazy, many times there is a man on the other side unwilling to open and calling her names. He isn't loving her with his full heart and presence.

As woman we all need to do the work to listen to that gut voice inside, know how to protect what is precious. Being alone is better then feeling insane because of a partner. Don't settle. Come learn the skills. Let us find those hidden mothering skills that were untaught. Learn to protect yourself and still remain open and loving. Feel alive but not be taken for a ride sharing your energy with yet another man not ready to take accountability and really love you.

Here is the article from the guy:

I used to think women were confusing.

Too emotional.
Too sensitive.
Too complicated.
One moment soft, the next moment sharp.
One day wanting closeness, the next needing space.
I didn’t get it.

And if I’m honest,
I didn’t really try to get it.
I just reacted.

When a woman got emotional,
I’d shut down.
When she asked for more,
I felt attacked.
When she pulled away,
I either chased or withdrew completely.

I made it about her.
Her being “too much.”
Her being “unstable.”
Her being “needy.”

But now I see,
what I called “confusing”
was just humanity I wasn’t ready to meet.

Because I hadn’t met my own.

I didn’t know what to do with my own pain.
So I dismissed hers.
I hadn’t faced my own shame.
So I rejected her vulnerability.
I didn’t know how to hold my own emotions.
So hers overwhelmed me.

And the worst part?
I thought I was being “the calm one.”
The rational one.
The grounded one.

But I wasn’t grounded,
I was guarded.

And I wasn’t calm,
I was emotionally unavailable.

It took me years to understand that.

It took heartbreak.
It took watching myself repeat the same patterns
and lose women I actually cared about
because I didn’t know how to stay present when it mattered.

Eventually, I had to ask the question I’d spent years avoiding:
Is it really them?

That question changed everything.

Because once I stopped projecting my fear onto women,
I started to actually see them.

I saw how much they long to feel safe.
Not protected by control,
but safe to be themselves.
To be soft without being judged.
To be strong without being punished.
To feel everything, without being told it’s too much.

I saw how much pressure women live under.
To look a certain way.
To be pleasing.
To not speak too loudly.
To not need too much.

I saw how much they give,
without always being received.

And I started to understand
that what I called “drama”
was often just a nervous system in fight-or-flight
because she didn’t know if I was really there with her.
That what I called “neediness”
was often a woman asking,
Can I trust you to stay when I stop performing?

And when I could finally hear her beneath the words
feel her beneath the reaction
be still enough to hold her storm without getting pulled into it…

everything changed.

Because the moment a woman feels truly safe
in my presence,
when she senses that I’m anchored,
unshakable,
not because I’m cold,
but because I’ve met my own pain
and no longer run from hers,

she softens.
Not because she has to.
But because she finally can.

And that softness?
That’s where intimacy begins.

Now, I don’t need to fix her.
Or figure her out.
Or make her less.

I just need to be with her.

And that’s when love becomes the most natural thing in the world.

Jan-Willem van der Heiden

12/04/2025

Let the healing begin.

12/04/2025

The origins of the worthiness wound are complex, rooted in both societal and personal influences. At the most basic level, it’s shaped by preferences, rejection, lack of encouragement and engagement with young children, popularity and other societal influences along with a lack of healthy parental attention to the matter of showing children all they are capable of doing because they are themselves.

This societal conditioning is compounded by the inheritance of generational trauma and the personal challenges people face. These layers intensify the worthiness wound, anchoring people in feelings of invisibility and inadequacy.

Imagine a newborn being handed a suitcase filled with lead at birth, forced to carry it through life. As it grows, this suitcase—laden with the belief that he or she is not enough—becomes heavier, weighing the person down and shaping their self-image. Unable to fully understand or process these feelings as a child, this individual constructs an identity around them, developing belief systems and narratives that make the burden more bearable. This constructed identity, however, is built on the foundation of unworthiness.

It’s crucial to recognize that the worthiness wound is not the fault of the individual. People are not broken or defective for carrying this sense of unworthiness. Rather, they have been conditioned by a culture that teaches them to doubt their worth and to internalize the belief that they are fundamentally flawed. This baggage they carry was never theirs to begin with, but because they were never taught the skills to cultivate a sense of inherent worth, they compensate with coping mechanisms that help them navigate a world that often feels hostile and invalidating.

This is why it’s so difficult to simply "shift" into a mindset of worthiness. Affirmations like "I am worthy" or "I deserve better" often fall flat because they don't address the deep-seated psychological structures that perpetuate feelings of inadequacy. The worthiness wound is not something that can be healed through mindset work alone—it requires a deeper, more profound process of self-reckoning.

The impact of the worthiness wound is far-reaching. It erodes confidence, making it difficult for people to assert their worth, whether in their careers, relationships, or personal lives. It deprives them of pleasure and satisfaction, trapping them in cycles of anxiety and self-doubt. It drives behaviors of self-sabotage and alienation, leaving them feeling unfulfilled yet paralyzed to change their circumstances.

There are three primary ways in which the worthiness wound manifests:

Emotional Disconnection: individuals may feel overwhelmed by their emotions or, conversely, numb and disconnected from their bodies, leading to a distrust of their inner guidance.

People-Pleasing or being too nice: This manifests as a compulsive need for external validation, where an individual loses him or herself in the opinions and needs of others, placing them above their own.

Comparative Thinking: individuals may become obsessed with comparing themselves to others, competing with other people particularlyof the same s*x, and doubting the motives of those around them.

Core wounds are very deep and complex. Even though mentally we may understand what is being said here, so the wound bleeds.
Wounds need to be acknowledged. OK yes I have it. I am not worthy. Get real with it.
Then start to see how does it affect your life. Using your energy wisely to tackle behaviours one by one and keep at it.
Gain momentum where you can. Get help and resources to get the wheels turning.
Feel the pain and watch how it affects you in giving up or lack of energy. The thoughts that come to detail you from fighting for yourself. Usually those thoughts are from old attempts at trying and giving up. Value yourself for every attempt you ever made to get back up. That is how to climb a big mountain. You get back up.
This will never work, tried this before, it's so hard.
Start to flex your will power. Taking back your power to choose. Every little step is a step forward.

Wounds take time. But they do heal.

11/04/2025

Sexuality like all areas of growth has so many facets and levels. Don't settle, go deeper and find new ways of relating to your s*xual essence