22/07/2025
An "Emotionally Avoidant" society... especially when it comes to grief. This makes it so difficult for us to contact our grief.
Dr. Joanne Cacciatore has a wonderful book called "Bearing the Unbearable", which I read years ago and loved. Here she is with a three min video talking about the *physiological effects* of turning away from our grief. Below is the blurb to go with the video in case you miss reading it!
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Emotional avoidance (EA) is the tendency to evade distressing feelings and thoughts and memories. It is a core component of something we, researchers, call experiential avoidance. Importantly, EA has profound consequences for both emotional, mental, and physical health.
We often talk about the physiological impact of bereavement. We rarely talk specifically about the physiological impact of avoiding emotions associated with bereavement and society's role in the promotion and maintenance of such avoidance.
A growing body of research suggests that chronic, and both conscious and unconscious, emotional avoidance of grief can incite dysregulation of various bodily systems, impair immune function, and increase the risk of long-term health complications (Stroebe et al., 2007; Shallcross et al., 2010).
Emotional avoidance has been shown to activate the sympathetic nervous system and the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, leading to heightened and prolonged stress responses (Brosschot et al., 2006). This state of chronic stress arousal is associated with higher levels of cortisol, thus inflammation, and autonomic systems imbalance. These chronic and sustained changes can contribute to adverse physical outcomes (this includes cardiovascular risk, diminished immune function, and metabolic disorders (Appleton et al., 2013). For example, some studies have shown higher levels of pro-inflammatory cytokines and C-reactive protein (CRP)—biomarkers of systemic inflammation linked to heart disease and even cancer (Fagundes et al., 2013), heightened cortisol output, increased blood pressure (Stanton et al, 2000), and increased inflammatory responses, particularly when emotions were chronically suppressed or avoided.
Notably, EA predicts poor sleep quality, which exacerbates immune suppression and metabolic dysfunction (Shallcross et al., 2010; Ong et al., 2010). Poor sleep further perpetuates the biological toll of unprocessed grief, compounding risk for chronic illness.
Avoidant coping styles are also associated with lower levels of interleukin-6 and reduced natural killer (NK) cell activity, essential to immune system (Kohut et al., 2006).
In addition to these direct physiological effects, emotional avoidance indirectly harms health by fostering social withdrawal, reducing the likelihood of seeking support, and increasing reliance on maladaptive behaviors such as substance use, disordered eating, and physical inactivity (Berking et al., 2008). I wonder if this creates a cyclical relationship between unaddressed grief and somatic decline.
While EA may provide temporary relief for the bereaved, it carries significant and measurable physical costs. Through its dysregulation of the stress response, suppression of immune function, and promotion of maladaptive health behaviors, avoidance contributes to a wide range of health risks. The bereaved need support in safely engaging with their grief—rather than avoiding it— and they don't need surveillance. They need compassion. They need others to model approaching behaviors and, to build that 'emotional muscle' I'm always talking about, they need others to "spot" them, to help them carry the weight of grief until their muscles can carry more of it. An emotionally avoidant society is not helpful, nor healthy, for grievers.
Emotional avoidance (EA) is the tendency to evade distressing feelings and thoughts and memories. It is a core component of something we, researchers, call e...
