Relationship Rescue NZ

30/09/2025

Please don't tell your child that you will "kill" anyone who might hurt or touch them on safely.

I get it. If someone sexually abused or hurt your child in any way, you may feel enraged and violent. But telling a child that you will kill someone only increases the probability that they would never tell you if that happened.

People who sexually abuse children are almost always loved by you and your child, so there is a great risk for a child to tell. Children are so literal and if they think you will kill that person, you can be sure they won't tell you.

I have personally spoken with adult survivors who said they did not tell because they believed their parent would kill that person.

Instead, keep telling your child that you will do everything you can to keep them safe and you would always believe and help them if they shared any worry with you including sexual abuse.

Please consider attending my next Parenting Safe Children worked up via zoom on September 27th. Registration at parentingsafechildren.com/calendar.

And if you've already said this to your child, you can always go back have another conversation and start over.

30/09/2025

So sad to hear Nigel Latta has lost his battle with cancer at only 58 years old. It is a big loss to our psychology and counselling community here in New Zealand. My thoughts and condolences go out to his wife, kids, family and close friends. He was a genuine good soul.

15/09/2025

Men only please.
Hey guys, real talk…
Us women melt when a man shows up with emotional intelligence, a willingness to grow, and some solid relationship skills. That’s real modern-day chivalry, not just opening doors, but opening your heart, leaning in, and stepping up as a true teammate.
Here’s the problem: so many of us are completely burnt out carrying the emotional and practical load of the household, managing everyone’s moods and energy while pushing our own needs to the back burner. It’s gotten to the point where more and more women, especially those over 40 (and younger women too), are choosing not to live with a partner, or sometimes not to be in a relationship at all. And it’s not because we don’t want you. It’s because we’ve realised that our peace and health matter more than carrying dead weight.
But the truth is, if you engaged with us in an emotionally mature and intelligent way, most of us would gladly choose relationship… and we’d be all over you with love, respect, admiration, and yes, desire. We would be jumping your bones enthusiastically and often!
So here’s the challenge: how can we bring this up in a way that would actually make you want to step up, engage, and grow, instead of feeling criticised, brushing it off, shutting down, or seeing it as nagging? Do you want us to hint, straight-up ask, or should we throw it down as a playful pillow-talk dare and let you prove us wrong?

24/04/2025

Just received this wonderful review on google, which I really appreciate as we are not allowed to ask for reviews as counsellors, so any spontaneous reviews mean so much, particularly as google requires you to identify yourself and not many people want others to know they have seen a counsellor.

“Without Janine, I wouldn’t be sitting here today.”

I initially came to Janine with my ex, thinking our 9-year relationship could still be saved. I truly believed we were just going through a rough patch and that we were partners for life. And the truth is—relationships can be healed, but only when both people are willing to face their inner demons and do the deep work. In our case, that wasn’t happening. I was in love with his potential, not the reality. There were so many lies, and I couldn’t see them for what they were until I started working with Janine.

As an entrepreneur, I came in trying to “fix” myself fast. I even asked how much it would cost to just get it done. But after a powerful trauma session, I realized healing isn’t about shortcuts. It takes trust, time, and working with someone who truly understands trauma on a professional level—and Janine does.

She helped me uncover a memory I had completely buried from when I was just 5 years old. That one experience explained so much about why I kept holding on to someone who wasn’t emotionally safe or honest. Once that came to light, everything started to change.

Today, my life looks completely different.
I’ve broken free from that trauma bond, stepped up as a confident team leader, and moved from a flat I once shared with five people into a beautiful home of my own — 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 2 studies, all with brand new furniture that I’m still furnishing with love. I drive a BMW M4, I’ve cleaned up my social circle, and I can now spot manipulative or dishonest people a mile away. This is my life now — grounded, intentional, and built on self-worth.

Janine isn’t just a psychologist—she’s a gem to this community and this country.
In New Zealand, you don’t actually need a full degree to call yourself a counsellor, and I’ve seen that firsthand. I tried working with people who had flashy websites and talked a lot, but didn’t offer real depth or clinical understanding. Janine is different. She’s grounded in both compassion and solid professional training.

While my story may be different from others, I believe Janine just gets it.
Every case is unique — it’s like peeling back the layers of an onion. Life is complex, emotional, and deeply personal. Janine guided me through my layers — not with a one-size-fits-all approach, but by honoring the experience of life itself. She sees people for who they are, meets them where they’re at, and holds space without judgment or assumption. She didn’t try to fix me — she helped me find myself.

This isn’t just therapy. This is transformation.
Janine helped me take my power back and rebuild my life with clarity, strength, and self-worth. I’m endlessly grateful to her — and to the support systems that stood by me through it all. I wouldn’t be here without them.

Thank you so much, Janine. Your impact is immeasurable.

Send a message to learn more

22/01/2025

The Hustle Badge of Honor: Why It’s Hurting You & What to Do Instead

Ever feel like life is one big hustle competition? Who’s the busiest? Who’s working the hardest? Who’s doing the most?

Some people hustle to feel needed, important, or valued. Others need the stress to push them into action—like that student who leaves an assignment to the last minute and then crushes it in one night.

But here’s the catch: Long-term hustle = long-term burnout.

And in relationships? It turns into fights over who does more—which just leaves both people feeling unappreciated, unseen, and overwhelmed.

🚨 How Hustle Culture is Hurting You:
❌ It turns relationships into competitions instead of partnerships.
❌ It makes you feel like you’re never doing enough.
❌ It triggers burnout instead of productivity.
❌ It creates stress instead of connection.
❌ It keeps you chasing external validation.

💡 What to Do Instead:
✅ Recognize WHY you’re hustling—what are you really trying to prove?
✅ Shift from competition to collaboration.
✅ Stop using stress as your motivation.
✅ Ask for what you actually need—help, appreciation, time together.
✅ Redefine your worth—you're valuable even when you rest.

Success isn’t about how exhausted you are. It’s about how fulfilled you are.

Drop a 💬 in the comments if you’ve ever fallen into the hustle trap!

13/11/2024

Penny drop moment right there!

Free Workshop on the Mental Load and preventing Conflict over the Holidayshttps://matthiasjbarker.com/holiday-stress

01/06/2024

The phone swap challenge.

Idea: When you meet someone who has a totally opposite view to you, ask if they would be willing to swap phones to see each others social media time lines. You might then understand how each person has formed their ideas and opinions and hopefully, realise we are all victims of algorithm propaganda (and the people we surround ourselves with are part of that) and therefore start to get curious with a person who has a different perspective.
Be curious. Debate to learn and have your mind changed, not to win. Be conscious of tribal thinking habits and step away from them by finding common ground.

08/03/2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmiKAoAmYSg

The relationship expert joined Hollywood actor Peter Stormare in Scandinavian talkshow Skavlan in the fall of 2017. More SkavlanTwitter: http://twitter.com/s...

08/07/2023

Great work!

30/05/2023

Highly recommend discovering your attachment style so you can make sense of why you react the way you do in your relationships with everyone when under stress.
It breaks down your attachment styles in your main relationships: mother, father, partner and general, then gives you your overall attachment style.
This will give you information about where your attachment wounds probably come from and how you are doing working through them back to having a secure attachment.

Online courses with renowned attachment specialists to start healing the past. Enroll today and access our award-winning treatment.

05/05/2023

This is a frustration I often hear about.

​"I had to unlearn it because it never was okay."