14/09/2025
Separation Anxiety Isn’t About Leaving, It’s About Feeling Safe
We often hear that dogs need to “get used to being left.” That separation anxiety is something to be trained out, managed, or ignored. But what if we approached it differently? What if, instead of focusing on absence, we focused on attachment?
What Attachment Theory Teaches Us:
In child psychology, attachment theory shows us that confidence doesn’t come from being left alone, it comes from feeling safe. Children who experience consistent, attuned caregiving develop a secure base. From this base, they explore the world, knowing they can return to safety when needed.
Dogs are no different. They are a social species who need connection. Emotional regulation, resilience, and independence all stem from trust.
Creating emotional safety for our dogs isn’t about avoiding separation forever, it’s about building a foundation where separation becomes comfortable because the dogs feel secure.
This safety is built through:
• Predictability: Dogs thrive when their environment and guardians responses are consistent.
• Calm communication: Our tone, body language, and emotional state matter.
• Understanding their signals: Responding appropriately to subtle communication builds trust.
• Being a safe emotional space: When dogs know they can express distress and be met with empathy, they learn to regulate, not suppress, their emotions.
When Dustin came to us at four months old, he was already carrying the weight of health issues and uncertainty. He lacked confidence, and we knew that leaving him alone would only deepen his anxiety.
Many people told me I was making a rod for my own back by never leaving him. But I understood the psychology of building confident individuals. Confidence isn’t forced, it’s grown.
For the first 15 months of his life, Dustin was never left alone. We rearranged work shifts, asked favours from friends, and made sure he always had someone nearby. It wasn’t always easy, but it was necessary.
And then, one day, Dustin told me he was ready.
He didn’t lift his head when I walked out to do the bins.
He chose not to come to bed with me one night.
He let me know that he felt safe enough to be alone.
That moment wasn’t trained. It was earned.
Separation anxiety isn’t a behavioural flaw, it’s a communication of unmet emotional needs. When we shift our focus from “fixing” the behaviour to supporting the dog, everything changes.
We stop asking, “How do I leave my dog?”
And start asking, “How do I help my dog feel safe enough to be left?”
Credit-
The Dog Witch: Whole Health for Healthy Behaviour
