04/03/2026
See my expression?
Tight jaw. Fed up. Exhausted. Young babies. Thus was a Snapchat message when I was in the thick of it. I didn’t have PND, I had an immense amount of stress - and here’s me thinking I was causing it completely on my own 🙄🫣
See Sausage? In her little puffer jacket.
Content. Safe. Unbothered. That’s how I feel on the inside today.
At the time my photo was taken, I was in survival mode. I was barely holding it together. It’s not long after this that I chose to be a single mum. This moment was a very prominent reminder of what I was going through at that time.
Financial pressure. Emotional pressure. Carrying everyone. Co-parenting as a full time step parent. Lack of physical support.
Convincing myself it was “just a season.”
Telling myself I was the problem. Actually “not wanting to be here anymore” expressed as life, but actually just more so meant experiencing whatever this sh*t is.
I was exhausted from tolerating what didn’t feel aligned - but calling it love because of what we had been through.
Staying.
Explaining it away.
Minimising my own needs.
Until someone asked me one question:
“If absolutely nothing changes - not one thing - how much longer would you tolerate it?”
My answer? Longer than I should have.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
When something goes beyond six months of conversations, tears, mediations, “it’s just a phase” - is no longer a phase.
It’s a decision.
Or a default of behaviour/attitude/beliefs
And staying… is also a decision.
You can feel how Sausage feels.
Content. Safe. Settled in your nervous system.
That decision is yours, and yours only.
You can decide “this s**t ain’t going to be my story, and my kids are going to learn that this ain’t normal”
Or you can stay for the kids for them to think it’s your fault that you are so miserable.
Either way, it requires a choice.
And sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do
is decide.
And no-one else, not even me, can make that decision for you.
