31/03/2026
** edited - so much fun! April fools 😉 **
🚨 ABSOLUTELY GROUNDBREAKING NEWS FROM TCI VETS 🚨
After years of research, several heated discussions, and an inappropriate reliance on caffeine, we are proud to announce a world-first advancement in reproductive technology:
✨ Precision Breeding Outcomes™ ✨
That’s right — we can now offer enhanced control over breeding outcomes, allowing you to fine-tune your litters with unprecedented accuracy:
✔️ S*x selection
All boys, all girls, or our Premium Alternating Sequence™ (BBGBBG available on request)
✔️ Coat colour calibration
From “true to standard” through to “just slightly lighter than mum but not as ginger as nana”
✔️ Marking optimisation
Symmetrical blazes, perfectly matched socks, and our popular “just enough white to win but not enough to be penalised” setting
✔️ Temperament alignment
Select from:
• “Show ring superstar”
• “Future stud with main character energy”
• “Highly trainable but still knows its worth”
• “Calm enough for judges, spicy enough for life”
✔️ Expression refinement
Soft, intelligent, noble… or “absolutely no thoughts, just vibes”
✔️ Movement preset (NEW)
Floaty, ground-covering, or “effortlessly makes others look average”
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Using our proprietary combination of:
🔬 Advanced reproductive science
🧬 Genetic alignment technology
🌕 Precision lunar timing
🪐 Mercury-retrograde correction protocols
💫 Follicular energy harmonisation
📡 And a machine we don’t fully understand but trust completely
…we are now achieving:
📊 100% accuracy*
📊 110% client satisfaction*
📊 Up to 4 unsolicited compliments per puppy
*results may be influenced by optimism, lighting, and selective storytelling
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✨ Optional add-ons now available:
• Litter personality balancing (“one angel, one menace”)
• Ring-ready confidence calibration
• Coordinated litter aesthetics for group photos
• “Better than last year’s litter but subtly so” package
• Competitive edge enhancement (especially for that one breeder 👀)
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Please note we are still unable to guarantee:
• judges with good eyesight
• perfectly behaved adolescents
• that one puppy you swore you weren’t keeping
• or litters aligned to zodiac signs (ongoing trials)
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Bookings now open
Please allow additional time for:
🎨 colour calibration consults
🌙 moon phase scheduling
🧾 temperament mapping
🔮 aura alignment of sire and dam
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TCI GlenBred — taking great breeding… just a tiny bit further 😏