27/06/2024
INSIDE THIS UNTAMED MIND
Sometime I wander restless.. inside my mind
feral, wild, hunting for the thing.... that.. that... elusive thing.
Most times I do not know its source,
just that its agitating and it is rubbing against my insides causing friction and discomfort.
I pace the corridors of thought, trying the many doorways lining the lengths of dark twists and turns.
Some doorways swing, opening easy and free,
light flooding them, air fresh and thin.
NO - what I seek is not here,
Nor is it there behind the heavy, ornate door
which groans when opened but is well loved and oiled,
its carvings touched so many times it is known in my sleep,
like a lovers curves and troughs and peaks.
Door after door is flung open as I search, hunting,
stealthily hunting for my prey,
for my tormentor, for my salvation.
Is it behind this door the thing I seek?
I turn the handle, it jams, it creak's.
The hinges rusty and jagged, un-used
Is this where where it hides tonight ?
In I creep, paving one foot in front of the other,
a whisper of foot fall, claws tensed, poised just inside their sheath, like a sword ready to slice if needed, to protect myself against this beast I seek..
and there she sits..
I've found her... I've tracked her, I've smelt her scent
- she is Old musty thoughts and forgotten feelings, damp and rancid,
shoved away for a rainy day, too big to deal with at the time of combustion.
pushed out, down, away, for a later time when I could confront her.
Now here she crouches, waiting, gathering dust, gathering momentum,
she knew I was hunting her, tracking her, following her beat through my veins.
she is prepared,
she is wild,
she is anger and rage, eons of time to build her strength,
gathering power like a summer typhoon.
We lock eyes my wild hearted sister and I,
we lock eyes my savage demon and I,
we lock hearts my feral eyed friend and I.
and then we throw ourselves together - teeth bared, flesh ripping, spine shattering howls.
and in that whirlwind of bodies our limbs entwine and edges dissolve,
she is my pain, I am her terror,
we meld,
thoughts cross, transpose and re-calibrate,
we think and see from the same window pane.
we join,
breath foggy, foul and hot, inhale, exhale, rapid,
shallow becomes deep, lungs filling and releasing, cooling and cleansing.
till it calms and we expand with air and soften with life.
we become one,
her beating heart slows, my beating heart knows and we hear them reverberate together,
in time together.
as one together..
as one.
she is me and I am her....
my darkness, my shadow.
my power, my strength.
I am lost without her and found when we collide.
she hunts me,
as I hunt her
and we circle each other often,
rampaging together often,
ripping apart to travel alone often.
Tia SomaWairua
