09/01/2024
A lil update ~
So myself and my Kia Kaha Rescue Remedy HQ have been in the process of relocating ~for the moment to Tāmaki Makaurau - Auckland
2023 was a big year journeying across so much terrain. Internally and externally.
Last year I found myself going more and more inward as my role as a hands on Mumma bear for 25 years changed quickly at the beginning of 2023 with only 3 weeks notice.
My youngest flew the nest to a new city.
The emptiness and suddenness turning me inside out.
I thought I had one more year.
Who was I now?
I had always known I’d be a loving Mumma from 8 years old.
Three children later and 10 of those 25 years, flying solo parenting.
Moving to Tāmaki Makarau has bought me closer to my children and my first Grand baby being born early February.
In 2023 I moved 5 times within Mangawhai trying to find my place in the World, when all I wanted was to be near my children
becoming quieter and more inward as the year went on
Going deep in to the ngahere of Te Tai Tokerau - the bush of Northland and sitting with the Kauri - trees and their warmth and wisdom.
Seeking solace, letting go and getting a sense of what next, where to next
My tears so close to the surface, my heart out on my sleeve.
Sitting in the Pohutukawa trees over the cliffs in Mangawhai as storms, sunshine and all the elements swept through them
They remaining strong, sturdy and beautiful
asking many, many questions of the Winds and my people on the other side ~my Tupuna ~ancestors
of who I was now ~without my children
ahhhh the letting go….it was turning me inside out, the pain unbearable some days
I took to weaving Puti puti (flax flowers). As a way to work through my grief, and the overwhelming sadness
keeping my hands busy, as they were no longer preparing mountains of kai and pouring aroha into my son
I feel like a fish out of water being in the big city after living quite the rural life for sometime
but for now it feels right, my heart is being filled with magical moments of seeing two of my three children, the other is in Poneke- Wellington. I am closer to them now.
My belongings, treasured photos of my children and special things have been looked away in a storage container for nearly year while I find my new place in the World
I keep telling myself I am the house now.
I’ve struggled with that as I like to have some semblance of a house set up for my children to come to and my friends & whanau
Where ever I go though, there I am - I am the house now, their house.
Last year took me to my edge so many times
Two car accidents. Packing up on my own and culling belongings during the Cyclone. I was terrified.
Then 10 days later making a quick evacuation overnight as flash flooding created a river behind the house - the night before I was to move out.
I wondered if I would return to my whanau belongings washed away, and in the spirit of letting go my youngest and a lot of belongings I made myself prepared for that ~ luckily that was not the case.
My words for the year were Adaptability and Flexibility.
Some days all I sort was for my heart to stop aching
It was somehow easier to bring my Kia Kaha Rescue Remedy into the light and out into the market
It seemed timely with my own grief - that my Rescue Remedy would be my constant companion
So here I am feeling a little stripped bare, a parred down version of myself
The thing that has remained constant though is how easy I find to be with my people. In 1-1 sessions, either in the market or over the phone.
Being that raw in my own life has made it even easier to be right there with others grief. And awhi - support them with guidance and aroha.
Some lovely respite from my own goings on.
I’m hoping to find a lovely little spot in the markets in Auckland to continue my mahi - work very soon.
If you’ve stayed with me and read this far, thank you from my heart to yours
This photo is of me bursting with happiness surrounded by all my children.
Arohanui
Lisa
