30/04/2026
Survival In Families With Addiction.
After working in and recovering from the enormous impact substance use disorder has had on my life, I am blessed to work with others. I'm doubly blessed to work with the family of the person struggling with addiction.
The addict's family gets up each day with one thing in mind: to hear from or save the life of their sick loved one.
Like war-weary soldiers, families become defeated by the brutality of this illness. They learn to hold their breath. As if one wrong word could set off an explosion. Families become keenly attuned to their sick loved one's moods and actions while walking on eggshells to avoid confrontation.
They live in a constant state of fear and alarm.
And keep waiting... FOR THE CALL.
The birds stop singing.
Music brings tears.
A fleeting moment of laughter brings guilt.
Family members draw inwards, living in confusion, isolation, and hurt.
A vicious cycle of no,
Well, okay, yes,
But just this one time.
Once in, it’s hard to get out.
And it’s always about the person with an addiction.
Until it isn’t.
The family tries their best, but the burden is heavy, and eventually, it all spills out. Emotional distress can lead to feelings of bitterness and resentment. It can turn happy-natured individuals into controlling, miserable shrews.
For many years, my family and I danced our enabling/codependent jig. We pointed fingers and behaved poorly with one another. Then, I went to treatment, began attending meetings, and heard about acceptance.
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today—page 417 of the Big Book.
Acceptance is the key to freedom. Once you genuinely accept your loved one is acutely sick, you move away from controlling and fixing. Just like cancer, none of us has the power to cure this disease.
But we can put it in remission.
And we start with ourselves first, not the impaired thinker.
If someone in your family struggles with addiction, I’ll tell you what they cannot.
You are worthy of love and have the right to live with peace and respect.
It's not your fault.
You didn't cause it.
You can’t cure it.
You can’t control it.
But you can change your response to it.
The best thing you can do for your addicted loved one is practice self-care. Start by taking a vow to break your silence. If you haven’t read the Jagged books yet, I recommend checking them out. They're chock-full of valuable information. Above all, find a group of safe people and share your story.
Don't let shame make your choices.
Don't let fear write your future.
Instead, do the one thing addiction hates... Reach out for help because statistics show that people struggling with addiction are most successful when their families are educated and in recovery.
