17/10/2025
I grew up with a fairytale. Not just in the books that I read and the movies that I watched, but in my very own family.
You see, my parentsâ story goes like this: the night she met my Dad, my Mum went home and told her best friend that sheâd just met the man she was going to marry. Six months later, she did indeed marry him.
So I really thought that that was how love was supposed to go. That unless it was instant, it couldnât be love. At the same time, I was (as many of us were) absorbing the belief that attachment was the ultimate goal. That my relationship status was a measure of my success in life.
And so I bounced around connections, either being drawn by magnetism and chemistry - or, if it wasnât there, trying to logic my way into believing that it was (I mean, just look at how compelling that evidence is on paper!!).
But you know what I eventually learnt?
Neither of those things are love.
Love definitely isnât a checklist to convince yourself of their merits OR your compatibility! But love also isnât chemistry and instant attraction. Itâs not someone completing you - nor is it someone parenting you. Itâs not your Prince Charming, your knight in shining armour, or any other inclusive version of these stories. And you donât need to find your other half - youâre ALREADY whole and complete.
Although you wouldnât be blamed for believing otherwise.
Society and media are full of the false narrative that love is butterflies and obsession. That itâs feeling that we need someone, that our happiness depends on them, that we canât live without them. But in reality, those are often indicators of unhealthy connections - connections that are driven by our wounding, our places of lack, or an unconscious recognition of familiar (but not necessarily healthy) dynamics. Itâs our subconscious selfâs misguided attempt at healing, at wholeness.
Most of what weâve been taught to look for in a relationship or in love, is actually co-dependence packaged up as romance. If we donât challenge these notions of love and what it looks like, then weâre going to go out consistently seeking co-dependency and not true connection.
