Lana Jago Coaching

Lana Jago Coaching Break patterns. Build real connection
🌈 Queer šŸ”® Witchy ā›“ļø Kinky
ENM-friendly Relationship Coach

11/02/2026

Valentine’s Day. The time of year where the world, more than ever, tries to sell us ā€œThe Love Lieā€.

Not that LOVE is a lie.

But what we’ve been taught about love is. The way we’ve been socialised to seek it, how we think of it, what we’ve been told to expect from it. The idea that we can’t be truly happy without a partner.

Real Love doesn’t look anything like what we’ve been sold.

Love is not magical - at least, not in the fairytale sense. It doesn’t happen by chance (or fortune). It’s not about being swept up in a feeling, butterflies in the stomach, or obsession. It’s not flowers, chocolates, expensive meals, or ā€œromanticā€ gestures. Those things are fun and exciting, sure. But anyone can offer those - and anyone can get caught up in those.

The performance of ā€œloveā€ is easy.

But Love is not.

And it’s no ā€œhappily ever afterā€ either.

Love - be it romantic, platonic, or other - is mutual respect, equal partnership, support, safety (both physical and emotional), consistency. It’s being able to be your whole self - and letting them be that too. It’s shared values, hard conversations, and honesty (with yourself, and with them). It’s a willingness to hear them, and be influenced by them (without walking away from yourself). It’s a commitment to grow, separately and together.

Love is not a fantasy, and it’s not about someone’s potential. It’s being able to say, ā€œif they never changed or moved (not even an inch) from where they are now, I would still choose themā€.

It’s not performing ā€œloveā€ one day a year. It’s saying yes to someone, exactly as they are, day, after day, after day.

07/01/2026

Do they match your energy - or are you making excuses and exceptions?

06/01/2026

Episode 5 of Swipe, Reflect, Repeat is live!

Lauren shares some of the...interesting...experiences she had over her year of making up for lost time!

We also dive into some of the hidden drivers of her choices...and how to ditch your inner bitch, so you don't get stuck seeking out others to make you feel better.

Give it a listen on Spotify or YouTube, and let us know what you think - or if you can relate! šŸ’œ

03/01/2026

Have you caught episode 3 yet??

There's still time to "binge" (there's only 3 episodes šŸ˜‚) our podcast before episode 4 drops on Tuesday!

Just search for "Swipe, Reflect, Repeat" on Spotify or YouTube šŸŽ™ļø

Summer availability!I'm closed now until early Jan, BUT...keep an eye out for the last episode of Swipe, Reflect, Repeat...
16/12/2025

Summer availability!

I'm closed now until early Jan, BUT...keep an eye out for the last episode of Swipe, Reflect, Repeat for the year! Coming out next Tuesday (23 Dec) šŸŽ‰

12/12/2025

Festive season gifts for you!

Check out episode 2 of Swipe, Reflect, Repeat on Spotify or YouTube šŸŽ™ļø

And hit me up if you want to come along to a free online Q&A session in January! Sunday 11th at 2pm. These are always a good time, and we've had some awesome kōrero this year šŸ—£ļø

09/12/2025

Swipe, Reflect, Repeat - episode 2 is live!

Find it at the link in my bio, or search 'Swipe, Reflect, Repeat' on Spotify or YouTube.

We all know that telling someone that they shouldn’t be feeling a certain way, that they’re overreacting, or that their ...
03/12/2025

We all know that telling someone that they shouldn’t be feeling a certain way, that they’re overreacting, or that their feelings aren’t justified, doesn’t actually change those feelings. Many of us will have had others say those very things to us - and guarantee it didn’t make those feelings go away!

Don’t gaslight. It seems pretty obvious, right?

So why then, do we do it to ourselves?

We gaslight internally SO OFTEN! ā€œI shouldn’t feel like thisā€, ā€œIt’s not a big dealā€, ā€œI should be over it by nowā€, ā€œI’m overreactingā€, ā€œI should be able to manageā€, ā€œI shouldn’t be tiredā€, etc, etc. What we may be able to be present for in others, we’re quick to suppress, judge, or deny in ourselves.

But when we actually learn to be present for EVERYTHING that we’re feeling, we can start to give ourselves what we actually need. Instead of pushing through or pretending, we can honour the feelings, the fears, and exactly where we’re at. This, in turn, means we get the presence, care, and connection we yearn for - and that enables us to navigate whatever’s going on for us in a healthy way.

Start to notice that inner voice that tells you you shouldn’t be feeling something, and try allowing the feelings to exist instead.

02/12/2025

I used to think I was good at boundaries.

I could articulate my needs. I was clear on what didn’t feel okay. I even thought I was ā€˜doing the work’ when I said, ā€œThis is what I need from you.ā€

But here’s what I realised (eventually)...

If you're not ready to ACT when a boundary isn’t honoured, then it’s not actually a boundary. It’s a request.

You see, boundaries live in our CHOICES - not just our voices. We speak with our actions. No matter what we tell people - what we say is, or isn’t, ok for us - the things that we accept will ALWAYS speak louder.

It’s not about making threats; or being cold, punitive, or manipulative. It’s about being clear - with others and ourselves - on what we’ll tolerate…and what we won’t. And then being willing to take action if those boundaries aren’t honoured.

Repeatedly asking for something to change is exhausting. When we’re clear on our boundaries, we can stop pouring energy into begging for things to be different, and redirect it into nurturing ourselves and our HEALTHY connections.

Boundaries don’t just protect us - they make space for relationships where safety, truth, and desire can coexist.

28/11/2025

Let's talk about ghosting šŸ‘»

Or really, any behaviour that you don't want to be a feature in your connections.

Know that we speak with our actions.

No matter what you tell them - what you say is, or isn't, ok for you - the things that you accept will ALWAYS speak louder.

If they ghost you, and you give them another chance, you're telling them it's ok...and they'll likely do it again.

27/11/2025

Good relationships aren’t based on need.

None of this ā€œI need you in my lifeā€, ā€œyou complete meā€, ā€œI can’t live without youā€. That’s co-dependency masquerading as love.

When we connect with people from a place of need, we set ourselves up for an unhealthy reliance on them. If we need someone else to make us feel good enough, worthy, attractive, wanted, strong, secure, needed, protected - or whatever else it is that we’re looking for - then when we don’t get that, things tend to spiral.

Perhaps resentment builds, fears start directing our behaviour, and conflict arises. The difficulty being that much of the time the thing we’re seeking from the other is not voiced - and frequently, not even conscious to us. So we don’t even really know what we’re fighting about. And even if we do know what it is that we’re seeking, and are able to ask for it, we still remain in that cycle of co-dependency. That place of ā€œI need X from you, in order to feel Yā€.

Maybe the connection comes to an end, and we feel lost without it - either quickly looking for someone else to fill that space, or falling to a place of unworthiness and hopelessness. Neither of which addresses what’s at the heart of the issue. We still contend with the unhealed wound within, now exacerbated by this most recent loss.

So what to do? Completely isolate ourselves from others? Develop a hyper-independence so we never seek support from anyone?

No!

You can build strong, healthy, fulfilling relationships, without needing them to feel good about yourself.

It starts within you. With the relationship you have with yourself.

It means facing the hard stuff, the places of pain, the countless ways we’ve told ourselves we’re not enough. It means bringing our unconscious fears into awareness - and learning to parent the hurt child within us. It means truly committing to you, first and foremost.

I’m not gonna lie, it’s way more fun to bandaid the wounds with a bit more NRE - at least in the short term!

But in the end, the work is worth it. Because when you connect with people from a foundation of security within yourself, those connections aren’t even in the same realm as the ones you’ve experienced before.

25/11/2025

Swipe, Reflect, Repeat is live!

The podcast where dating disasters meet deep dives.

You'll find us on Spotify and YouTube, or check out the comments for links ā¬‡ļø

Address

Otaki Beach
5512

Opening Hours

Monday 7:30pm - 8:30pm
Tuesday 9am - 2pm
7:30pm - 8:30pm
Wednesday 9am - 1pm
Thursday 9am - 2:30pm
Saturday 10:30am - 11:30am

Telephone

+6421775424

Website

https://linktr.ee/lanajago

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