15/08/2024
This!!! 💯💗
Felt EVERY single moment shared of this amazing Mama's journey!
Our WHY as Māmā is why we push through to choose HARD over easy.
This is truly OUR SUPER POWER and
why I especially focus on serving the Māmā.
What serves us, serves our whanau.
Imagine how much MORE impact could be taking place right now if this Māmā (who provides people with meaningful EMPLOYMENT had received the adequate tautoko when she first reached out to present day.
When I visit Otautahi I'm hitting this spot for my first Kai stop!!
Long read...a little snippet of my story and journey in business titled: MyMsd.
I carefully held the papers so I didn’t crumple them, wiping the nerves off my hands onto my jeans. I sat up straight trying to look ‘un desperate’ I wasn’t here on my knees with my hand out today. I was here with my heart in my throat and my goals on my sleeves.
Work and income was not a pleasant place. The smell of judgment clinging to the walls and a tinge of superiority hung in the air making it hard to breathe normally. I sat, and looked around trying not to stare at the distressed lady raising her voice “Don’t let them make you feel small” I thought as my heart throbbed for the stranger in need. Over walked the security guard, cautiously approaching like he hoped it would be sorted before he got all the way there.
“Saaaasshika??” I heard a common mumbled attempt to pronounce my name and stood quickly before they slaughtered my surname. “Yes!” I said as I anxiously moved towards the younger than me man who was obviously managing my case that day “this way” he smiled and motioned towards the back of the office. I followed him and sat in the seat closet to the desk eager to present my papers and announce my plans to go OFF THE BENEFIT.
For weeks I had been researching, asking and enquiring about how one might transition from the Sole parent support benefit into being self employed. I believed I was eligible for a thing called a ‘flexi wage’ and that I might be able to get a business start up grant. I had spent considerable time creating a business plan, learning many valuable and important things along the way. For once my head and shoulders didn’t need me to hold them up high in that mana diminishing space.
For well over half an hour the well meaning, but naive and very inexperienced man listened to me waffle on about how I had unintentionally started a business selling dumplings, landed multiple catering contracts and had a really good plan to leap into the unknown world of business before he carefully admitted that what I was suggesting was far to complex for him to deal with, so he needed to get a manager. He slid away and after a few moments he returned with a stern looking middle aged lady with shoulder length brown hair, who looked me up and down under her round glasses before informing me that I’d need to make another appointment.
I protested. I had already waited 3 weeks for this one and I was not leaving without some clear instructions on what to do with the money I was earning. I grabbed the papers I had so carefully guarded and held them out to her, trying to summarize my plans to spark an interest so she might help me. She told me that there was no clear path for what I was trying to do, that I was not eligible for the flexi wage because I had no employment contract or set hours, that I needed to be declined a bank loan to be eligible for the business start up grant and basically…I was in way over my head. She finished off with a warning to make sure I declare any income I was earning correctly and walked off.
I sat there clutching my papers swallowing my frustration and clenching my teeth together out of fear of becoming loud and desperate like the lady I saw earlier “don’t let them make you feel small” I whispered to myself as I stood to leave with my head a little heavier and shoulders a little slumpier.
The drive to collect my babies from kura was a blur as I tried to make sense of what just happened. How could they be so unsupportive? I thought it was a good thing to get off the benefit, I thought I was doing the right thing being open and honest with them. I was so tired of feeling like a statistic. Young Solo Māori Mother on a benefit. Not that there is absolutely anything wrong with that, but I knew that I had a shot, I knew that this was a very real opportunity. I just needed a bit of help.
I had never thought that I could make a living cooking for others. It never occurred to me that I was a good enough cook to even consider it. I was not qualified and had only ever cooked for love. But here I was, working and being offered money to manaaki and cook for others. From every event I catered I was getting referred to others, I was able to offer mahi to whānau and dreams of the potential of this journey filled my thoughts every moment of every day. Doors like this do not open for no reason.
I decided that I’d keep trying. I called the bank to ask for a loan hoping it would be declined…I didn’t want to get into debt. I tried to figure out how to write myself a contract…turns out you can’t. I tried to declare my income multiple times…turns out you can’t until you have filed a tax return. It seemed that the system was not built to support this path, that it was almost against me. Against my plans, against the future I wanted to build for my babies and the difference I so desired to make for my whānau and community.
I continued to work, I kept going, growing and learning but becoming more and more anxious as the months went by. I didn’t want to get into trouble, but I still needed a bit of help week to week to survive. The catering money was inconsistent. I had to pay staff and buy food for the jobs, gas and equipment. I still had to pay bills and look after my children. I was scared. I had been so used to being on the benefit, being self employed was terrifying. I had no idea how to navigate my way through this phase. I struggled with a mindset of poverty, I grew up living week to week and hadn't learnt how to live any other way. Although, that way of life had taught me how to be very good with budgeting and making every cent count.
I kept good records and step by step figured out what to do next. I got an accountant, became gst registered, registered as an employer, filled a tax return and and then declared the income I had made. I called MSD to ask for the income assessment. It took them 4 months to do it.
After waiting for what felt like forever I received a notification that I had an unread letter in the msd app. This letter made time stand still and in that moment everything felt like it came crashing down. It was a letter to say that I was not eligible for any support, I was in debt and owed msd lots and lots of money. My heart stopped and I held my breath as I read the words in disbelief. I didn’t have that much money. I had bills to pay, catering mahi was still inconsistent, I had a tax bill and I had no idea how I was going to get out of this mess. Everything seemed to of been a huge mistake. I was financially in a much worse position than I was in before I started the business. I thought, I would of been better off doing nothing and staying on the benefit.
For a whole 2 days I stressed and cried as I pondered my next move. I thought about quitting the business and getting a Job, I had 3 babies to take care of! That thought broke my heart. Somewhere in the muddle of fear and doubt I decided that this was unfair. It was more than unfair, it was wrong. I had been transparent, forthcoming, motivated and determined. I had asked all the right questions and done all the right things. I called beneficiary advisory services and made an appointment. I gathered up every piece of information I had...emails, letters, bank statements and ph records to show them how many million times I had called, the steps I had taken and the advice I had been given.
After a month of going back and forth, next to no income and anxiety crippling my every move I checked the mymsd app. Where it had previously showed the debt amount it now said ‘you have no debts to view’ it turns out, they made a mistake in my income assessment. I jumped, I literally jumped into the air. I jumped for joy. I checked my messages and there was a letter to say that I was eligible for assistance because my income was below the threshold. I politely declined and decided if I was actually going to crack it, I was going to do it without msd support. I was grateful, so very grateful for the govt assistance I recieved when I needed it but I didn't want to have anything hold me back, there is nothing like a bit of pressure to propel one forward.
I made a plan, created a tight budget and set my sights on the goal to support myself and my whānau. It was hard, and I struggled but it was definitely, definitely worth it.
My time of feeling small was over and I haven’t looked back…well, that was until recently after speaking with MSD about working with our pakihi to awhi whānau into the work force…yea that kind of triggered my memory a little bit. The system does not seemed to of changed but now I get to use my experiences to help others.
I have been self employed for over 2 years now. This business also provides employment for others. We are on the pathway to creating many many more opportunities and our testimony is one of breakthrough. God is good and he uses all things for the good of those who love him...eventually.
I share this to say, no one has the power to put us inside a box, or hold us captive. Money is a resource but the gold is found within. Love, Self love, determination, honesty and hard work is a powerful force. Integrity trumps and it IS true, where there is a will, there is a way. Don’t let anyone make you feel small.
Perhaps the way from there to here was not easily paved because it's a path that is not often travelled.
❤ Gather your dreams, follow your heart, give your gifts away, share your stories, heal out loud...let's draw a map!
