11/05/2026
I never know how much I should personally share online, especially in this space on this page as I feel I should hold a level of professionalism?
But the truth is.. I’m tired of holding it all together all the time.
This is me and me showing up as me is being the most professional I can be.
Am I truly enough to be the professional person that I am? These are real thoughts I’ve had today..
The mask is coming off. A mask I didn’t even realising I was wearing but has been running the show behind the scenes for a long time.. until now.
The truth is…It was really brought to the surface when I didn’t get into the team I wanted to be in for a volleyball club I recently trialled for. I know things happen for a reason and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be and I’m so grateful to be part of a club playing a sport I love to play.
But when I found out GOSH WAS I DISAPPOINTED (even writing this I’m pushing through the embarrassment of feeling I wanted to be in a better team than I got) I know everything will work out perfectly, but this definitely hit the “I’m not good enough” button. A button that has been on for most of my life and is heavily associated with volleyball. But here I am (in between my deadlift sets because ). Sitting with it. Allowing it. Seeing it. Accepting it. Understanding it.
I know in these moments that it’s the break down before the new level up. A showing of how much work I have truly done and the person that I am now. It happens every time but it never gets easier. It’s brought up deep wounds and thoughts of “I’m not enough”, “I can’t be who I want to be”, “No one will take me seriously”, “I am not good enough for who I am”, “I must work harder”, “I must be more”, “I must do more” - I know these aren’t the truth but they have been running the show for a long time.
Yep this is fresh as fresh can be. This is me processing my thoughts in real time. What helps?.. Seeing it. Accepting it. Understanding it. A framework I fall upon in moments like these. And now.. I rewrite the story..
So if you have these thoughts too, I see you, I hear you 🙏🏼 we can rewrite these stories together.
H