18/12/2024
A Grievers Guide to the Holiday Season…
The holiday season can feel overwhelming, especially when we’re
navigating grief. As the festivities loom, many of us feel a rising
sense of dread, mixed with longing for happier times, sadness and
isolation. If you’re struggling to imagine how to face the
gatherings and gift-giving ahead, you’re not alone. We’re here to
help.
Below are our 12 research-backed tips for getting through the
holidays while grieving. These strategies, drawn from our field of
resilience science, have supported thousands of people through
the toughest times. Think of each tip as a small guidepost, offering
gentle reminders to honour your heart and boundaries this
season. We hope that, setting them to that familiar tune, might
make them easier to recall. I’ve already found that belting out “the
strength to just say no!” in the privacy of my head is boosting my
resolve to do so… I hope these become useful mantras and you
enjoy singing along too!
1. A Space to Let All Emotions Free: Navigating Holiday Grief 💔
The holidays will likely bring many conflicting emotions, and that’s
okay. Give yourself permission to feel them all—grief, joy, and
everything in between. Emotions are just data; they’re there to tell
you something. Instead of quashing them, try to listen
2️. Two Glimpses of Joy: Finding Moments of Peace ✨
Even amid sorrow, there may be small moments of gratitude,
pride, love and peace. Allow yourself to savour these without guilt.
Remember, these moments are all part of healing too, they
support your resilience allowing you to go the distance. Grab on to
the respite, breathe them in - amplify where you can.
3️. Three Peaceful Pauses for Self-Care 😮💨
Amid the holiday rush, take three moments throughout the day to
pause, breathe, and check in with yourself. These pauses offer a
grounding sense of calm and allow you to catch your breath,
check in and move forward more gently.
4️. Four Quiet Moments: Creating Calm Spaces 🌿
Find ways to create or seek out quiet moments. Whether it’s a
short walk, a few minutes of meditation, or simply sitting in
silence, these moments can serve as small anchors, grounding you
through the busy holiday season.
5️. The Strength to Just Say NO ⛔
Setting Boundaries While Grieving Protect what precious energy you have by saying no to events or expectations that feel overwhelming. You don’t have to attend every gathering or tick every holiday box. Setting limits is a powerful form of self-care. You do you.
6️. Six Acts of Kindness: Offering and Receiving Compassion 💖
Holiday gatherings can bring up tensions. It’s a rare family that
doesn’t feel this! Prioritise kindness over “being right” to avoid
draining conflicts and focus on connection. Remind yourself, “it’s
better to be kind than right”!
7️. Seven Ways to Honour My Needs: Practising Self-
Compassion 🌠
Recognise what you need during this time and honour it. Whether
it’s a quiet day, a trusted friend to lean on, or time in nature,
respecting your needs is an essential way to support yourself
through grief. Don’t ignore your needs.
8️. Eight New Rituals: Honouring Their Memory in Your Own
Way 🕯️
Old traditions may feel painful. You can honour your loved one/s
by creating new, personal rituals relating to them, such as lighting
a candle, cooking their favourite dish, table decorations they
would have loved, or finding other unique ways to remember
them. Find new ways to keep their memory close in a way that
works for you.
9️. Nine Ways to Help, Not Harm: Choices that Support Your
Wellbeing 🧭
Ask yourself, “Is this helping or harming me?” This simple question
is great for guiding choices and puts you back in control, whether
it’s limiting social media, going to that party, getting into the
heated debate or making a swift exit. What helps? What harms
you?
10. Ten Tokens of Tolerance: Embracing Others’ Differences💞
Reminding yourself that we all grieve differently, and there is no
right or wrong way to grieve, can help boost our tolerance. Try to
embrace others as they are, recognising that just because they do
things differently to you doesn’t mean they’re not grieving too.
11. Eleven Healthy Boundaries for Family Time 🤝
Extended family time can be complex, especially when you’re
grieving. Avoid comparing yourself to others’ “perfect” holiday
photos, knowing they’re only a selected slice of the real deal. Give
yourself permission to step away if it feels overwhelming. Take
time out.
1️2. Twelve Gentle Reminders This too Will Change 💜
Grief doesn’t disappear, but it changes - every hour, every day, and
certainly, from year to year. Take it one party, one day, one present,
and one conversation at a time. Focus on getting through this holiday, knowing that time brings change, even if it
doesn’t “heal” in the traditional sense.
Reflecting on What Matters ❤️
As the holiday season approaches, take a moment to reflect on
what will help you most this year. Take a moment to reflect
honestly and realistically upon your needs. Considering your social,
emotional, and practical needs alongside others isn’t selfish—it’s
vital self-care, and when you’re grieving you always need extra
care.
This season may feel heavy but know that you’re not alone. Every
holiday season will feel a little different. With each year, grief shifts,
and with each step, you honour both your loss and your resilience.
Look back on how far you’ve come this year, what you have
achieved, how you have survived. Be proud of the fact you are still
standing.
Thank you for allowing us to be part of your journey. Please share
this with someone who might need it—together, we can bring
compassion, understanding, and support to all those coping with
loss.
