22/09/2025
I've been thinking a lot about grief lately. Seeing people put rules around how "we should" grief, and how "we should" relate to those who have passed is always one of the most frustrating things for me. Grief is a deeply personal experience - there are ways to help work through the experience, but, as I grow older, the more and more I realise it is different from each time - it brings up things about ourself in relation to us, and also to those we are in relationship too.
I was thinking a couple of days ago about grief, and how often it can be a reminder to embrace the good things we have. Grief also can be a mix, for me, sometimes it can remind of those relationships I have and to honour them, and celebrate the memories and the joys of life.
For others, grief can be intensely difficult. Sometimes the person/ thing we lose we may not have a great relationship with, for example, a abusive parent, or a community / or a belief system that may have aspects of meaning, but have been deeply toxic and hurtful. Grief may remind us of trauma. This is ok.
The emotions we deal with with grief may so depend on the person, place, experience. Sometimes we have relief, sometimes we are deeply angry, sometimes we are sad, sometimes we may have joy. All are ok
The process of grief is not one to be boxed in, I personally get angry when I see people subscribe a one size fits all approach.
Personally the way for me is to be empathetic with myself when grieving, allowing the emotions, following the needs that are called up, been kind, been open, and been curious with myself.
If you are grieving at the moment, I hope you have a place you feel safe to process and to be.
