12/05/2022
⚠️ Ectopic pregnancy
This photo was taken the day I officially opened .nz - I was 8 weeks pregnant, awaiting unexpected emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.
What had begun as an extraordinary few weeks as I navigated the thought of becoming a new mama and launching the studio quickly went downhill. Cramps and bleeding led me to being admitted to hospital and what was initially diagnosed as suspected a miscarriage took a turn. Rather than implanting itself in the uterus like it should have, the embryo had implanted in my Fallopian tube, where it was unviable and a significant risk due to the possibility of internal bleeding if ruptured. For someone with minimal symptoms, the treatment for an ectopic pregnancy is a chemotherapy drug to dissolve it. Unfortunately, mine had begun to rupture and my only option was surgery to remove the affected Fallopian tube. I sat in hospital prepped for theatre feeling completely helpless, quickly coming down from my high from opening the studio that morning.
I have no idea how I managed a brave face post-surgery as I threw myself back into work and running a new business, teaching Reformer Pilates classes with a smile on my face when all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry.
Often we hear about happy pregnancy stories, and I now have a new appreciation for the things that have to fall into place for this to happen. I had hoped that because I am healthy that getting pregnant would be a walk in the park - my first pregnancy has been anything but. I’m sharing my experience because I want to normalise speaking about the side of the pregnancy journey that is loss, fear, grief and helplessness. I know sharing this may make some uncomfortable; I feel vulnerable putting this out there. It’s hard enough going through something and feeling like you’re the only one, but I have found that opening up about sh*tty things that happen to us creates a space where others feel they can share their story, and that brings us together.
So to the want-to-be mama struggling with fertility, and to the would-be mama who loses a baby or a part of herself along the way - I see you and I hear you. You’re not alone 🤍