18/03/2025
THE ART OF NON-RESISTANCE: A GENTLE PATH TO HEALING TRAUMA
(This is my philosophy of practice as I would express to a potential new client)
When I first meet you as a client my question is, “How would you like your life to be different?“
My belief is that you have the capacity to heal yourself but only you know what is important. I don’t do therapy to clients, I just create the conditions in which your trauma can heal and you can change your own life. Also, I never try to persuade you that our work together has made things better; I just invite you to be curious and to notice what has changed for you.
I am a good fit for some clients and not for others. I’m happy to meet with you online and see if we connect in a comfortable way. (You can book a free chat using the button on the Home page). There is no sales pitch; every time it’s your choice as to whether you want to work with me, or to book another session.
The first step in healing is helping you making sense of what is happening in your brain and body. Few people understand what trauma is, or how it affects people. You might be surprised to find that life events that don’t seem significant to you might actually be stored as traumas and could affect you for a lifetime. I will help you understand what trauma is, how it is stored in the brain, and how it causes automatic emotional reactions, stresses and limiting self-beliefs. Trauma is ‘hard-wired’ in the operating system of the brain and you can’t think your way out of it. That’s why talk therapy may not help when you are feeling stuck in life. I also explain carefully how Havening works to erase the trauma in your brain and what change you might expect.
If we agree to start using any of the Havening techniques, I will explain to you exactly what we are going to do, and what might happen. I never want any of my clients to feel unprepared. I want you to feel confident, relaxed and to give informed consent. The wonderful thing is that the process of erasing a trauma is gentle, light-hearted and fun! Many of my clients are laughing before we even begin a healing process. If you don’t want to be touched by me, I will invite you to do your own self-Havening touch (specific forms of touch are an essential part of the practice).
I will do my best to help you feel safe and welcomed. I endeavour to meet you first as a person, not a client, to find out something about you. I bring empathy, compassion, understanding, kindness, respect and emotional validation to our encounters. I will ask for permission for every thing that we do.
I believe in your own intuitive, healing intelligence, which will guide your healing journey in the directions it needs to go, and at the pace that is right for you. If your trauma is more complex, much will be hidden away. As you begin to relieve your trauma burden, your nervous system will recalibrate, and the feeling or memories that have been buried will start to emerge. My job is to work with whatever is presenting itself in your mind. At each new session I will ask for your insights or feelings. If you are unsure how to proceed I might sometimes make suggestions, or we can just do the Havening touch, and talk, and then insight you need will naturally arise.
Havening does not use any diagnostic labels. I don’t consider that there is anything wrong with you; you don’t have a brain disease or a pathology. What you are experiencing is the adaptive response to trauma and threat. If we look at the symptoms of anxiety, depression, PTSD, phobias, addictions and the many other ‘diagnoses’ used in the mainstream mental health world we see the effects of trauma. As you heal the trauma, the symptoms go away. Neuro-developmental issues such as ADHD and autism also have layers of trauma. Heal the trauma and a lot of those symptoms or life difficulties – such as social phobia – may resolve.
I often witness with awe the beautiful changes that occur in my clients, completely spontaneously and unguided. Having said that, Havening practice is guided by a very precise scientific theory that gives me defined diagnostic criteria, a clear guide to practice, and allows me to interpret and validate the changes in clients that occur during sessions. So sometimes the work is very focussed, at other times we enter into completely open processes of exploration and release.
I have worked with over a thousand clients and that has helped me develop my intuition. I will often get a sense of what could be a helpful approach and I’ll let you know if I start to have an idea. If we are patient, the way ahead will become clear. If I am unsure, I will tell you. I trust that together we will find the right path forward.
I do my best to practice the law of ‘non-resistance’. I know that if I push my clients, or try to achieve a particular outcome, I will spoil the work. It is much better to let it unfold naturally, then we can together celebrate the remarkable results. Our work together will often be playful and humorous. There is no right or wrong in the work we do together, I don’t set expectations, and I allow you to discover the changes for yourself.
I work a lot with children and families. Children have magical minds and they instinctively know how to heal. Parents and children (either small or grown up) are energetically closely linked together. Healing one will help the other (even if they don’t know the work has been done). If all members of a family have witnessed the same trauma, I can work with everyone simultaneously in a joint process.
I prefer to work in person, rather than over a Zoom connection. Havening is a beautiful practice of human connection and touch, using mechanisms we have evolved over millions of years as social animals. When we sit close, I can help co-regulate your nervous system with my calm, compassionate presence and touch. Having said that, I have worked with hundreds of clients over Zoom and seen some remarkable results in clients that I have never met in person.
I am also a trainer in Havening Techniques and have trained, coached and mentored many counsellors, therapists, psychologist, doctors and other practitioners to become Certified Havening Practitioners. My focus is as much on their personal healing as it is on teaching new knowledge and skills. Teaching and mentoring brings me much joy and satisfaction.
