17/01/2026
Grief and Ageing Parents: What the Research Shows
As our parents get older, many of us start to feel small waves of worry or sadness. And when a parent passes away, even if we thought we were ready, the impact can be much bigger than expected.
A 2019 article by M.F. O’Connor explains why. The research shows that grief affects the body, mind, and brain not just our emotions. When someone important dies, the brain goes into a stress response, which can make everyday life harder for a while.
People often notice:
- trouble concentrating
- forgetfulness
- tiredness
- disrupted sleep
- emotional ups and downs
These reactions are normal. They’re part of the brain adjusting to a major change.
Everyday Scenario
Imagine Sally, whose elderly mum has been slowing down for years. When her mum passes away, Sally expects to cope well. But she finds herself misplacing things, waking during the night, and feeling exhausted at work.
This is exactly what O’Connor’s research describes the mind and body reacting to loss, even when it’s expected.
With support from whānau, friends, and her community, Sally slowly feels more settled. She still misses her mum, but daily life becomes easier again.
🌱 What Helps
- keeping simple routines
- staying connected with others
- allowing extra rest
- using home‑care or community support
- sharing memories and stories
These small steps help the brain and body adapt over time.
