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ACA Kāpiti Monthly Meeting, 8 Weka Road, Raumati Beach (2025)

03/07/2023

Healing the whole person - mind, body, and spirit.

30/06/2023

How is ACA different?

* New ACA book called *"Connections, a guide for giving and receiving support in ACA recovery,"* has been written & is undergoing final editing as of Nov 2022.

*The new book expands on Chapter 11 of Big Red Book about sponsorship.

*The traditional concept of a sponsor/sponsee relationship is:- a more experienced member helping a less experienced member, but this is a very limited definition. It implies 1 person is an authority on the program, thus both members are not equal.

* Since the Big Red Book was written, many ACA members, who don't have a 'sponsor' but
have made good connections with other ACA travellers and have recovered.

* Preferred relationship model for ACA support is one member connecting with another member for celebration of growth, (when a member reaches various milestones) & support when times are tough. This type of relationship is reciprocal and equal.

*The criteria for forming an ACA relationship for connection and support is determined by each member, just as it would be for any other relationship.

*Some members find working in a small group helps them form deeper connections with several ACA members with whom they can seek and offer support.

*A recovery 'partner' may be a better descriptive term for a sponsor & sponsee relationship.

* Other terms for an ACA supportive & connective, & equal relationship:-

Recovery partner,
Recovery witness,
Fellow traveller,
ACA Friend,
Co-sponsor,
Step worker,
Study Buddy,
Spiritual traveller,
Service sponsr/co-spnsr

* It is important that you don't ask ACA members to whom you feel a romantic and or a s*xual attraction.

* Similarly suggested don't choose someone who reminds you of a parent, grandparent, child or grandchild.

*Don't choose someone who is in active addiction in another area, eg alcohol, drugs, etc especially if they are unaware of their addiction.

* Don't select an ACA member to work with who has another addiction, is aware of it, BUT has not yet worked through the 12 steps in the appropriate fellowship.

*A sponsor is not a substitute for your "Loving True Parent" or "Higher Power"

*A sponsor is not the answer to all your adultchild problems, becoming your own loving parent is the solution.

24/04/2023

Connection
"This connectedness in relationships is characterized by expressed feelings, trust, mutual respect, and an acknowledgment that a Higher Power is real." BRB p. 265

One of the worst things we may have felt as kids was a sense of aloneness, feeling connected to nothing and no one. We then became adults who were aching inside to find a connection to something. Often we found this with people who weren't good for us, or we found a temporary sense of connection through food, drugs, s*x, alcohol, serial relationships, our children, our spouses, and others who maybe seemed to "have it together." Most things we tried felt good for awhile, but soon we felt lost and empty again.

In ACA we realize that this lack of connection is not our fault, and we aren't unique. To survive our childhoods, we had to disconnect to protect our hearts. But the longer we're in this place now, the more horrible is the pain we experience.

We find recovery from this pain by working the Steps and uncovering our real identities. We learn that the answers are inside us, and that connecting with a Higher Power helps us find those answers. We begin relating to our True Selves as we learn to express our feelings. This helps us finally start to feel connected to others in a healthy way.

On this day I will remember that I am a real person who is capable of having true connections with others. I do this by believing in myself and my Higher Power.

Copyright © 2013 by
Adult Children of Alcoholics®
& Dysfunctional Families
World Service Organization, Inc.
Page Number 119

11/04/2023

Separate Identity
"As we struggle to form an identity separate from our ‘parent' programs, we are also becoming aware of the need to separate emotionally from our alcoholic homes. Only in complete separation can we find the freedom to express who we are and to create the experience of intimate closeness we so desperately needed as children." BRB p. 85

Before many of us came to ACA, our other programs helped us start the journey, but they may have also led us to believe we shouldn't separate ourselves from our abusive families. So we continued to show up for those who were emotionally unavailable, giving them love and support while our own inner resources dwindled.

As our Inner Child develops a voice in ACA, we hear the pain. And we begin to acknowledge the depth of our family's dysfunction. We give ourselves permission to miss family events and let go of the fantasy of what we wanted life with them to be. We are no longer willing to be controlled by them.

In return, we gain dignity and healthy pride; we start to become sane and whole. Even though it is difficult, we realize it is worth it. We find that we are resourceful and have a tremendous capacity for self care, because we have survived our childhood trauma. We seize our own destiny and live our lives from a position of wholeness, no longer operating with one hand tied behind our backs.

On this day I will not look back. I will continue to do what is best for me - creating an identity that is separate from my dysfunctional family.

21/02/2023

Solution – Gentleness
"We learn to reparent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love, and respect." BRB p. 590

How do we reparent ourselves with gentleness if roughness or even cruelty was a staple of our childhoods? As we grew, we may not have felt capable of kindness toward ourselves because our critical inner parent was always in our heads saying things like "You fool! Your life's a mess! And you're to blame!"

But we knew we wanted to treat ourselves better; we wanted desperately to have an inner voice shift to something kinder, like "Have a cup of tea with me and tell me what's wrong."

In ACA we learn that if we can catch our critical inner parent at work, we can shift gears and try to do the opposite. When we feel criticized, we can hit the "Whoa!" button and stop ourselves from joining in the frenzy. We can tell ourselves "I can't do better than my best, so I will simply do my best right now." We can even teach ourselves techniques that help calm us down in these situations, like changing our visual image of another person from someone who is menacing to perhaps a kindly cartoon character. Something this simple can help us get through the critical patches.

On this day I will treat my Inner Child and myself to twenty minutes alone over a fresh cup of tea or a glass of juice so we can just listen to each other.

Copyright © 2013 by
Adult Children of Alcoholics®
& Dysfunctional Families
World Service Organization, Inc.
Page Number 54

16/02/2023

Promise Two
"Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis." BRB p. 591
The promise of self-esteem is very attractive, especially given that if we didn't have a negative self-perception, many of us would have no self-image at all.
By showing up regularly at ACA meetings, we increase our "True Self-esteem" in a positive way. We find a safe space to interact with others who are on the same quest. This act of showing up for our True Self gives us a positive view of ourselves, most likely for the first time.
By participating in the meetings and identifying ourselves as adult children, we are sending a signal to our Inner Child that we are aware of the work we have to do, and we are willing to make a commitment to realize our spiritual awakening. More True Self-esteem will come from regularly affirming our current state and our future mission.
By our showing up and participating, we give our True Self approval: approval to get well, to belong, to share, to believe, to hope, to care, to cry, to laugh, to grieve, to live. These simple expressions of our humanity are True Self esteem of the most precious and rewarding kind.
On this day I will practice doing the things that build True Self-esteem and give my True Self the approval to trust, feel and talk.
Copyright © 2013 by
Adult Children of Alcoholics®
& Dysfunctional Families
World Service Organization, Inc.
Page Number 48

14/02/2023

Kia ora, e te whānau -
It is with some sadness that we announce that the ACA Kāpiti Monthly Meeting has decided by concensus to discontinue meeting. Maintaining service there is not sustainable for the current fellowship.
Please continue to follow for ACA resources, connection and encouragement.

10/02/2023

How are you loving on your inner child today? 💕

09/02/2023

The ComLine
Adult Children Sharing Experience, Strength, and Hope
The ComLine Blog is an interactive way for ACA members to share their experience, strength, and hope in recovery with each other. New content is posted on the blog bi-monthly on the 1st and 15th of each month. Readers are encouraged to provide feedback about their experience and to submit articles and other content of their own. View the Blog here: https://adultchildren.org/literature/comline/

The Traveler
The WSO monthly email publication, which highlights ACA service news and events. If you would like to subscribe, please visit the Traveler Subscription page on our website. If your service committee, intergroup, region, or group would like to submit a notice to The Traveler, please send an email to thetraveler@adultchildren.org. For more details, as well as back issues, please visit The Traveler: https://acawso.org/category/the-traveler-newsletter/

ACA WSO Depends on 7th Tradition Contributions
Please consider making a contribution so that we can carry the ACA message to the sick and suffering adult children everywhere.
https://adultchildren.org/7th-tradition/

06/02/2023

Other Laundry List

"Before we write in greater detail about the original Laundry List, we must note that most of the 14 Traits have an opposite. Our experience shows that the opposites are just as damaging as the counterpart." BRB p. 8

Overcoming our denial of family dysfunction was easier when we took an honest and balanced view of our life experiences. The Laundry List provided clues about some of the effects, but the compulsions and the addictiveness could not be accepted as normal. Somewhere, deep inside, we knew there was more to the issues we faced than we were currently in touch with.

The Opposites Laundry List gave some of us the rest of the puzzle. Here was a description of how we might have acted out the Traits. We could see how we set up an endless roller coaster ride between the effects of our childhood and how it affected ourselves and others today.

The Solution for both lists is the same: the Steps and reparenting. Admitting powerlessness, coming to believe, and turning our will and our lives over to the care of a Higher Power all start us on the road to our spiritual awakening. Acknowledging our critical inner parent and creating space for our inner loving parent to guide our Inner Child releases us from our affects, and gives us power to achieve integration and wholeness.

On this day I will look to both the Laundry List and the Opposite Laundry List to get a sense of the effects and my affects. I will be mindful of the Solution, using the Steps and reparenting myself in order to create integrity and wholeness.

Copyright © 2013 by
Adult Children of Alcoholics®
& Dysfunctional Families
World Service Organization, Inc.
Page Number 32

03/02/2023

Identity
"In childhood our identity is formed by the reflection we see in the eyes of the people around us." BRB p. 84
Who were our mirrors? It was the people who told us in words and actions how unwanted, bothersome, or stupid we were. We tried to do what they wanted, but it was usually never enough. Any approval we got was conditional. And it evaporated if we let down our guard by not getting perfect grades, not taking care of our siblings the right way, or not doing the housework well enough.
We didn't know who we really were because our identity was whatever they told us it was.
What brings most of us to ACA is that we eventually get tired of trying, isolating, and stuffing our feelings. This is where we learn to accept that our parents and families are never going to be like the ones on television or down the street. Instead of continuing to recreate the rejection and abandonment we received as children, we learn to love and affirm ourselves. Our sponsors and fellow travelers tell us to accept only what is good, and if it doesn't feel right, don't do it. We keep following these suggestions repeatedly until we notice we are no longer who we were once told we had to be. We are strong and independent.
On this day I define who I am. I am good, and I accept only what is good and healthy in my life.
Copyright © 2013 by
Adult Children of Alcoholics®
& Dysfunctional Families
World Service Organization, Inc.
Page Number 35

Photo by Михаил Секацкий on Unsplash

ACA Kāpiti Monthly Meeting

03/07/2023

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