Kirsty Fernandes - Honouring Māmā

17/10/2025

I'm so grateful I could identify how my son's birth showed up in his life thanks to Aware Parenting 💚

When I was in labour, my labour stalled for around 5 hours. After my midwife supported me through a big release of feelings, my body and my baby were ready for birth.

What happened next fascinated me. After a few sessions of cranial sacral therapy and getting to know each other, I watched the way he moved his body. Often, the back of his head would rest against the arm of the couch. He'd bring his head forward, then back again, letting out big cries.

Through an Aware Parenting lens, I recognised something: his body was processing and healing his feelings around feeling 'stuck' in the birth canal. He'd take up this posture when releasing feelings, then suddenly stopped. Those feelings had been resolved.

Here's what surprised me most: this birth experience plays out in who he is now. He's an "in his own time" kind of soul. You can't tell him he's safe. He has to feel it in his own body. It helps me go gently with him, to be patient, to be compassionate when he takes his time.

Does your baby's pregnancy, labour and birth show up in the way they are in the world? I'd love to explore this with you through birth debriefing and Aware Parenting support. Book a free 15-min session to see if we're a fit, or explore packages that work for your family.

Link in comments 💚

Photo credit:

09/10/2025

Who am I?

I'm the sort of Mama that will let her children facepaint her and then go to homeschool sports (no it was not a special or themed sports day, it happens every week...)

I'm the sort of Mama who will play weird and wonderful games spontaneously to help my kiddos move through things that feel tricky.

I'm the sort of Mama who will sing my frustrations and overshare with my listening partner.

I'm also the sort of Mama who doesn't have it together all the time, sometimes yells or says things I don't want to, let's my inner child take the wheel occasionally and sometimes feels like I'm not good enough (ok probably more often than sometimes...)

And...

I'm the sort of Mama who repairs constantly with my kiddos, goes to therapy, looks inwards, and wonders, "what is this bringing up for me? What needs to be heard and held for me right now?"

As an Aware Parenting Coach, I'm not here to tell you how to parent (spoiler alert). I'm here to help you feel seen in the hard, celebrated and honoured in your wins, support you to get more of your needs met and make sense of the chaos and beauty of parenting - ourselves and our little ones all at the very same time.

I see you, because I am you.

03/10/2025

How can a humble pair of socks transform your afternoon?

I noticed today that my son was saying some unkind things and seemed to be having big reactions to small things. He was occasionally aggressive. His sister and him were sort of rough and tumbling with each other but I could foresee that someone was going to get hurt. I was feeling very low on capacity and unsure how to help him move through his feelings.

Then I saw a pair of socks.

“Why don’t you play sock wars?” I said. They ran to each put a sock on and then tackled each other to get the other’s sock off, all while trying to keep their own sock on. Suddenly, there was uncontrollable eruptions of laughter. They could barely stop laughing before they had put their sock back on and started another round. Then my daughter ran upstairs and fetched more socks – a complete pair for each of them and one for me too. They like to use our socks for this, so they are oversized and we leave them hanging off the end of our toes a little so they’re easy to grab. (Our kids are 4 and 6).

What followed was several rounds of sock wars, where I lost terribly and also got carpet burn on my knees (I took it very seriously!). Then I whispered to the kids to invite Dad to play and conspired that we would all try get his socks off instead of each other. I pinned Dad down and they attacked. More uncontrollable laughter. And as their feelings were released through laughter, connection, cooperation, power reversal, body contact and play, the mood of the afternoon shifted.

Sometimes, all we need to do is look at our feet for inspiration.

If you’d like to learn more little tricks and tools – join me next year in my Aware Parenting Support Circle. You can learn more about it here: https://www.honouringmama.com/aware-parenting-support-circle

01/10/2025

My latest newsletter - wise words from Rebecca Dupas: https://mailchi.mp/4b001efd03da/a-poem-to-absolutely-inspire

26/09/2025

**What connecting rituals do you have as a family?**

Over the last three years, I've started to get even clearer on what rituals, ceremonies and traditions I want for our family.

This has meant welcoming in, acknowledging and celebrating the Spring and Autumn Equinox and Summer and Winter Solstice. I really wanted to bring these particular ceremonies in because I had come to dread the colder, rainier months, feeling like I was just surviving until Spring returned - and I didn't want to. All of the seasons have purpose and all of them are needed for death, composting, the planting of seeds, rebirth, growth and harvest.

We as humans - are also nature - we are cyclical beings that need to go through our own seasons (which don't always align with the weather seasons we're experiencing). Turning inward, letting go of what no longer serves, seeding something for the future, birthing something new. It is through death that something new can be born. It is through composting that harvest is possible.

Honouring the changing seasons in this way allows us to do this consciously as a family - to welcome what each season brings and to release and let go of the season that has been.

Our journey through Aware Parenting is the same. We tend to the seeds and the soil, we grow, we evolve, we bloom, we wither, we prune the parts that don't align anymore and then we do it all again.

This seasonal awareness could transform how we think about parenting challenges too - instead of fighting the tricky, we could honour them as necessary seasons in our children's growth (and ours too)... how different would that feel?

Next year I'll be holding another Aware Parenting Support Circle where we can journey through the seasons together, supporting each other through the big bits and celebrating the growth - in community. I so hope you'll join us.

15/09/2025

I’m back in therapy.

I’ve been in and out of therapy and healing modalities for a while and I’ve tried all sorts to see what resonates for me and my body – counselling, Hakomi, Romiromi, Energy Healing, Neurolink... At the moment it’s EMDR and I’m finding it really effective at transforming and integrating some of my experiences at a cellular level.

I’m not back in therapy because I’ve failed. I’m back in therapy because the next layers are surfacing and asking to be processed and I need support to do that. There’s stuff that I can process on my own, with the tools I’ve acquired over the years and then there’s moments where I’m like, "yeah nah, we gotta pull in something extra for this part." (Thank you insurance).

Sometimes I feel disheartened – “why is this coming up again? I’ve already been through it,” and then I remember that I’m meeting it as a different person BECAUSE I have processed a lot of it already. This is just the next little piece coming up and I remind myself that I will never be truly ‘done’ and that’s ok.

It is so hard to be witnessed if we’re not used to it. It can feel really difficult and challenging to say out loud what’s been stirring in your soul. This is how disease manifests.

Our thyroid is in our throat and I’m certain my thyroid issues are related to holding in what has been unrelenting in it’s need to meet the air. So I’m practicing the bravery to say it out loud. To let the words curl from my lips and my truth to see the daylight.

I do my inner work for me. And I know it impacts all of my relationships and the ways that I show up where it counts. I also know I can only journey as far with my clients as I have done within myself.

It’s never too late to meet the next layer. When it pops up, gather your support, get grounded and lean in. It’s a part of you just waiting to be heard.

04/09/2025

Are you keen to share the insights you hold as a member of Aotearoa's birth trauma community?

We are developing a consumer/whānau advisory group that we can gather feedback from 💙
Our Consumer Advisory Group will be a casual, "on-call" group that we can kōrero with if we need feedback on things such as a project, an idea, a research proposal, etc.
Input would likely be via email, or the odd zoom meeting.
Like others working at Birth Trauma Aotearoa, this is a voluntary position.

You could be a Mum/Birthing Parent or Dad/Non-birthing Parent and you could be impacted by physical and/or psychological birth trauma.

We would especially love to hear from you if you are Māori, from the Pacific Islands, a member of the disability community or the rainbow community.

If you're interested, or if you have any questions about the Advisory Group, please send us an email:
birthtraumaaotearoa@gmail.com

Ngā mihi 💙
The Birth Trauma Aotearoa team

03/09/2025

I'm going to keep talking about this because it's THAT important for our mental health as parents...

**Listening partnerships have been absolutely life-changing for our family!**

If we want to listen empathetically to our children, we need to be getting that same quality of listening ourselves. We can't give what we don't receive.

So what is a listening partnership?
Two parents (usually strangers with similar values and sometimes with kids that are similar in age) taking turns to truly listen to each other. No advice. No fixing. Just pure, uninterrupted listening. You can do it over email, phone or voice messages - whatever works for the two of you.

What's magical about it is:
✨ It's outside your inner circle (so it's not your partner/friends/family)
✨ You get to complete your thoughts and express your feelings in a safe space
✨ Your emotions can move through you, rather than getting stuck
✨ Often your way forward becomes clear once you've released what feels tricky

Before I started this, I was worried I'd absorb someone else's heavy emotions, but this type of listening is totally different. You witness their experience without carrying it. They don't carry yours either. You're not a burden - you're so very worthy of support.

My husband and I both have listening partnerships, and when we don't prioritise them, we immediately notice the impact on our ability to show up for our kids and each other.

Your feelings are valid. Your needs matter. You deserve this support.

Anyone else found listening partnerships game-changing? Or curious to try? Drop a comment - I'd love to hear!

(And yes, I can support you to find a listening partner and give you a free resource on ways to make it work too!💕) You can send me a DM or comment below for more info.

21/08/2025

We are deeply saddened to hear news of the passing of Michel Odent, whose vision and writing reshaped the way we understand human birth.

Michel Odent reminded us that birth is not a medical procedure to be controlled, but a primal rythm to be respected. He advocated for home-like maternity units, warm water births, protecting the birthing woman's privacy and honouring her instincts, undisturbed contact between mother and newborn; he was among the first to discuss the importance of the microbiome, and question many of the practices that had (and have) become normalised in overmedicalised maternity systems globally.

"The first intervention in natural childbirth is the one the woman does herself when she walks out the front door of her own home in labor". - Michel Odent.

We thank you, Michel, for your passion, vision and committment to women and newborns.

13/08/2025

When things feel tricky...

We can judge ourselves, we can shame ourselves, we can "should" ourselves, we can let our inner critic take hold.

Or we can offer ourselves compassion, sit in our uncomfortable feelings for some time and uncover what's really going on for us, endeavour to get more of our needs met, have our feelings listened to, and take a breath.

The aim of parenting is not perfection. You are a human, navigating big things in all aspects of your life, as best as you can with the resources you have (I'm telling myself this as much as I am you, because sometimes we need to pause and talk to ourselves with the same compassion we'd offer to a friend).

Breathe in. Breathe out and try again. You're doing great.

I'd love to support you to internalise this for yourself ❤️
www.honouringmama.com

04/12/2024

When I was younger, I used to get abdominal cramps on a regular basis. I couldn't eat, sleep or drink when it was happening. No-one could work out what was going on. It wasn't until years later, a female doctor decided to do an abdominal ultrasound and found that my gallbladder was a third full of stones. I had been suffering for 10 years. No-one before this moment had thought to check my gallbladder, because I didn't meet the normal "criteria" for gallstones.

Fast forward 18 years, and I've been on another quest to uncover what feels unbalanced in my health. I've seen multiple people, completed multiple tests and I've just been told I've got PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and Hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid). Oh, and I should have been taking digestive enzymes since I had my gallbladder out.

I had a lot of feelings when I found out - grief, anger, frustration, relief. I had to have a lot of listening time and be really clear on what I needed. I also had to do a lot of repairing with my kiddos when the stress of it bubbled over.

Once I had moved through the feelings, I knew exactly where to go. About a decade ago, one of my husband's work colleagues opened a business called the PCOS Nutritionist, so I looked Clare Goodwin up immediately. She takes a holistic approach to restoring health.

Clare validates my experience because she's been there. She can explain things in a way that I understand because she's lived it. She can make sustainable suggestions because she's a working Mama too. I actually feel seen and heard. And it's making all the difference.

This is what I know will be created in my Aware Parenting Support Circle - a place to feel seen and heard, to have your feelings validated, to have practical, sustainable suggestions when you want them, to feel like you're navigating parenting alongside a waka (canoe) of powerful wāhine (women), rather than isolated and alone.

Save your spot by booking here:
https://www.honouringmama.com/book-online
If you would like one of the payment plans, please send me a DM.
Register before Jan 2025, and receive a bonus half hour listening session with me to kick-start your year.

20/11/2024

Kia ora (hello!) beautiful humans!

It feels like a lot is going on in the world doesn't it? Do you want to feel wrapped in a community of support in 2025? Do you want a space where you can come as you are and be authentic about how parenting really is for you?

Parenting is our biggest work and the most influential thing we can do to make the world a healthier place. What you're doing is so vital. You deserve to be surrounded in so much support and to feel held and heard. To be empowered to be the best that you can be - for you and your children.

I would love for you to join my Aware Parenting Support Circle if this speaks to you. We will journey together for 8 months from Feb-Sep 2025. There are online meet ups to explore a topic every month, have space to share, and feel equipped with how to put the theory of Aware Parenting into practise in your family. I'm also excited to connect you with other parents in your region who are practising Aware Parenting too, for in-person connection.

If you'd like to read more about it, please visit my website here: https://www.honouringmama.com/aware-parenting-support

If you sign up before January, you'll also receive a bonus 30 min listening session with me before we begin!

Aroha nui,

Kirsty

Discover expert and personalised Aware Parenting Support. Parent in a way that fosters connection, cooperation, and deep healing for you and your family.