10/04/2026
The same birth experience can land in two people in completely different ways.
Two parents, same room, same moment - and one can walk away feeling like: “I had to fight to be heard,” while the other might feel: “I can ask for what I need.”
Neither is wrong. Both are real.
This is why I think the intersection between birth and parenting deserves so much more space than we tend to give it. We don't just carry the facts of what happened (in our birth or our child’s), we carry what we made it all mean. And that meaning often becomes a quiet (or loud) story we tell ourselves, sometimes for decades.
A long labour might become: “my body doesn't know what to do,” or it might become: “I am stronger and more resilient than I ever realised.” (and who defines what a ‘long’ labour is?)
An unexpected intervention might become: “things always go wrong for me,” or: “I learned to let go of control and fully trust.”
For me, my pregnancy with my second child thrust me into the medical system in ways that I did not want. It was so deeply uncomfortable for me AND it helped me really find my voice, to advocate unapologetically for myself and to uncover deep trust in my body and my baby. And that would not have happened, had I not met other challenges in my pregnancy with my first child. All of it served me in some way, even though it was near impossible to feel that at the time. Even when the system was trying to convince me otherwise, I learned, “I have a voice, I have a choice.”
After sitting with our own experience, we can sit with our children, and realise that they have had their own unique experience, separate from us. How it landed for us might be different to how it landed for them. Both are valid. Both can exist alongside one another. Same event. Different stories. And we can honour both.
We also have the power to change our own story. We can actively choose to internalise and frame our birth and our child’s birth, differently. This power comes when we are willing to sit with what we’re currently making it mean and how that’s showing up in our lives and if that’s what we truly want to keep on repeat.
Birth debriefing - and exploring how our birth stories are showing up in our parenting - can be such a powerful way to step back into that knowing. For us, and for our children.
I'd love to hear what comes up for you when you read this - feel free to PM me or reach out at www.honouringmama.com
