28/08/2021
OUR JOURNEY PART 3
The feels which I had no idea what I felt, grief. The feels of watching friends have babies the same month I was due. The feels of hearing of friends announce their pregnancies. There was challenges, but there was so much love!
The love and support Todd and I had for each other was amazing, something so tough that made us so much stronger! Family support was amazing, something I’m so lucky to have. Knowing I was doing just fine, just needing to learn my body to understand where things are at and what was happening - something I felt I had only just grasped prior to finding out about our pregnancy.
Catch ups with Kate lead to the conversation of ‘you will know when you’re ready and at that point let’s do some mind state work’ - I was totally ready. Todd and I took 2 weeks to travel the South Island in a camper and I felt a million dollars - the trip couldn’t have been better timed! Shortly after returning, thinking to myself, Kate won’t find anything, i’m doing amazing, we continued to lock in some time for mind-state. At this point, I’m already so grateful for the experience as I had already learnt so much and couldn’t be more thankful for everything in my life.
The journey took me through left me absolutely speechless! I honestly don’t think I can get it into words. Allowing me to feel safe and trusting that whatever happened was right for me - I came out of the session, seeing, holding and hearing our angel baby ‘thank me’ for being their mummy - something I NEVER expected, yet it allowed me to process the grief I had no idea I was holding onto. From there, I had to go and explain to Todd without him thinking I had lost the plot - I had him in tears with the story within a few minutes, how incredible to go through a journey and portray it through to him (the tough guy who doesn’t believe in any form of spiritual world) to help him through his version of the same journey!
From here, I really started emphasising the tools I have learnt in my years of what works for me - meditation, exercise, yoga, journals - the list just kept growing, and with tools I used to laugh at years ago - and still do, but WOW do they work!