Men and Trauma NZ

26/09/2025

26/09/2025

Inspirology

20/09/2025

Susan David

18/09/2025

Yes. It’s ok to choose yourself.

If you were neglected throughout your developmental years, choosing yourself may feel very selfish and greedy, bc maybe being a good kid meant being there for your caregivers and letting them know that you chose them over yourself.

Sometimes parents who are still wounded kids in adult bodies can imagine that their own kids are the ones who will finally save them or give them the experience that they matter and that their perspective matters.

But this isn’t ok. It’s not a kid’s job to save their parent or stick by their dysfunctional parent’s side.

Only when we choose ourselves can we care for ourselves and realize that we matter.

Only when we choose ourselves can we begin to feel whole and complete within ourselves, and be in a position to share ourselves, pursue interests that are meaningful to us, and be present enough to meet the needs of our own kids.

So if your needs and wants were constantly viewed as outrageous or selfish bc your caretakers wanted your focus on them instead, you might have learned to squash your needs bc you learned that having wants and needs is a sign of being a terrible person.

You might feel you have to sneak your wants and needs so that no one finds out you have any. Or just forgo your needs altogether and silently resent everyone.

Choosing yourself doesn’t mean to only choose yourself. But if we don’t choose ourselves first, we might be looking our whole lives for other people to choose us first.

And not only will this be a perpetually disappointing experience, we’ll also miss out on the experience of choosing who we want to be in this world and what we want our life to stand for.

-JLK

12/09/2025

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