09/04/2019
Suicidal thoughts are highly frequent in general population. A number of people are particularly affected by those thoughts and usually experience them for long periods of their life. What I find in my practice is that those that are most affected by these thoughts are people that have developed a particular relationship with suicidal thoughts and mental processes in general. These individuals seem to fuse with thoughts and interpret the presence of a thought as a danger or as a reflection of reality. They also have difficulty accepting and tolerating internal experiences in general. Depending on the function that the suicidal thoughts play, in most cases people either feel terrified that they will act on the thought or they interpret the thought as an intrusion that they have no control over. For some people the thought of suicide gives them a sense of relief when the reality seems unacceptable or when a particular feeling is deemed unacceptable and intolerable.
So in the essence, chronic suicidal thoughts seem to be a fierce rejection of reality- rejection of “What Is”. That can be rejection and intolerance of a life situation, a thought, an emotion, or pain.
While there is a lot of diversity within the group of people that experience suicidal ideations, I find that the process I describe below helps a lot of them.
When suicidal ideas enter you mind-
Learn to notice the thought
Focus on the process of how the thought enters your mind as opposed to engaging with the content of the thought or arguing with it.
Recognise that the though was born in the past. Most likely in a context where you had no power over environment. The thought is a product of mind trying to gain a sense of control. Recognise that while you may have not seen other options in the past, in the present moment there are always possibilities.
Do not identify with the thought, recognise that it is only a mental process that does not need to be followed or rejected. Both rejection and engagement lead to the thought gaining stronger momentum. A thought is just a thought. It is not the thought that is a problem, your relationship with your thought is the cause of distress.
Remember, the reason the thought persists in your mind is because you have engaged with it for very long time. The more you engage with it by rejecting(not wanting to have it), arguing with it, giving it meaning and viewing it as a reality, the more momentum the thought takes and more likely it will persist.
Notice the feeling. The thought usually comes with a feeling. The feeling can be a sense of emptiness, anxiety, despair, numbness or apathy. Learn to observe and stay present with the feeling. Focus where you feel the sensation in your body, give it a shape and a colour. Focus on breathing into the sensation, use imagination to change the shape and/ or colour. Fully accept the presence of the sensation. Be compassionate and loving towards that feeling. It is an old feeling. Most likely a very young part of you holds that feeling. Know that you as an adult now, you can handle that feeling.
Remember you are not your thoughts or your feelings. You are the space where mental processes emerge. You are a holder of all the experience. You are the sky, and your experiences are the clouds. See how clouds get formed, stay for a little bit and they dissolve to leave space for other clouds to emerge. That's how your mental processes also emerge.
Learn Radical acceptance. That is 100% accepting any experience, be that a thought, a feeling, a sensation or a life situation. It is not about liking or disliking, it is about fully allowing.. At any given moment, in any reality you find yourself, the present moment is inevitable. You can not get out of it. It is what it is. If you accept and make space for it, it usually goes away, it transforms into a feeling of clarity about what you want, it allows you to focus on things that you can control and act upon. If you you reject it, if you perpetuate it with thoughts processes- it will persist and get worse.
Last but not least, regardless of what thoughts enter your awarness, despite the feelings that you feel in your body- always focus in building a life that is worth living. Life does not come with meaning and purpose. We create the purpose by focusing in the present moment, allowing everything to be as it is, and acting and fully engaging with what is important.
Chronic, passive suicidal ideation is like living in the ocean. Let’s start talking about how to tread water.
