15/07/2018
My deepest wound, my scar and my hair.
Looking back on those years when i've been through the toughest days and nights, when i was emotionally, physically, mentally wounded but fortunate enough to be spiritually strong.
My Deepest Wound
I could recall the nights when i could not sleep, even if I had prescriptions to help me sleep.
Many close friends and family been witness to my worst depression ever and who would not suffer major depression in my case? when you were diagnosed with cancer, troubled at work, fixing a broken heart and in dire need of financial help to sustain your treatment. Then my family sent me to a psychiatrist seeking professional help, made me cope up and took mood stabilizers. The Psychiatrist episode in my life was only for a couple of months coz i decided not going back to him coz how many times did I hear him say..."It's only you who can HELP YOURSELF and Just FOLLOW YOUR HEART". Being in a state, when your sanity is challenged, indeed, helping yourself and deciding to help yourself is an answer in overcoming the battle of mental health, my psychiatrist was right all along "only me can really help myself", he was just there guiding me but the ultimate person helping was myself with the grace of God of course. I learned how to have a brain system that when anxiety attacks come, how am i gonna deal with it, when bipolar mood comes along, how to stabilize myself. It is not an easy process but getting to know myself is my one weapon. I am still a work in progress so bare with me if at times I may be Brain Dead but i do still have a Beating Heart.
My Scar
When i was diagnosed with cancer, it was Malignant Thymoma Stage 3 status Controllable, i was advised to undergo major operation, so a thoracic surgeon operated me, then I went to my first chemo for Thymoma, weeks after i had my first chemo, i was scheduled for an appointment with my oncologist coz she had something to tell me..Good and Bad News...the Bad News was i was misdiagnosed coz it was not actually Malignant Thymoma Stage 3 but the real deal was I am Hodgskins Lymphoma Stage 2 status Curable. The Good News is I am Curable and my real cancer downgraded from Stage 3 to Stage 2...but the sad part my chest was already opened and a very long scar was left and having metals on my chest too(struggle is real when you have metals and it's rainy days). At first i am ashamed of my scar seen by people but now i am used to it and proudly expose it to others, some may not want to see coz terrified, but me i don't mind, my scar is my reminder of the battles i faced before.
MyHair
They say, "Hair is the crowning glory". What if you were bald? Will it diminish your self-esteem. I'd say in reality, it surely will. College days i started styling my hair, from short to long cuts to curls to colored hair. My hair was my crowning glory indeed too. When i got sick and had chemo, the glory was gone😱my self-esteem was rock bottom. I didn't wanna go out even a wig helped only a little on my self-confidence...the baldness added up to my depression coz i didn't feel beautiful and i am the type of person that wanted to look good specially in public. But, as they say, you will get used to it and in a little while i got used to my looks in baldness.
My hair now is growing thick, long and healthy, no more traces of chemotherapy. Virgin hair as i call it, free from parlor chemicals, i sometimes envy rebonded hair but i'd prefer this virgin hair of mine. I still have a long journey together with my new set of hair.
THANKS BE TO GOD...ALL HONOR AND GLORY TO HIM!
