Melany Heger Author and Psychologist

24/10/2025

✨ Why I picked it up
I was impressed by Colleen’s writing in It Ends with Us. When I found Verity for sale and read the blurb at the back, I just had to see if she could pull off something completely different. Some authors, after their biggest hit, tend to sound the same. Seen one, seen them all. I wanted to test that theory. I’m not becoming a CoHo fan just yet! Though admittedly, I do become a serial reader of writers I love, like Dean Koontz, Philippa Gregory, and Tracy Chevalier.

✨ My insights
Dark and twisty! Just how I like it. I still can’t believe Colleen didn’t study literature to pull this off. It’s so psychologically layered and unnerving. Her triumph with craft and tension gives me hope that someday, I too can break through and find an acceptable level of success as a writer. But that means doing the hard work: learning more, practicing more, and getting clear about which path to take. There are many ways to write, and I’m still choosing mine.

23/10/2025

✨ Why I picked it up
This is another movie I missed, so I read the book instead. They say that to widen your knowledge, explore genres you don’t usually dip in—so I took the opportunity and got immersed in the world of fashion. 💄👠

✨ My insights and how the book helped me
Do you know your Myers-Briggs type? As an ENTJ–INTJ (I’m an ambivert), I don’t like art for art’s sake. I used to find fashion frivolous. But this book made me see how dressing up can be an expression of power. Miranda was so demanding with Andy—and Andy opted for the nuclear option only when her core values were already being compromised. That turning point came when she was pushed to the brink.

This month is somewhat challenging. Yeah, kind of pushing me to the brink too. It’s because I have a family issue going on, the kind that impacts your sense of security. But I trudge on and hope things will get better soon.

🌟 Like Andy, I know my rock: that inner confidence I didn’t yet have in my 20s. My unshaking sense of self and belief in my abilities will see me through this dark patch. 💖

22/10/2025

In class yesterday, I presented on Grounded Theory on behalf of my groupmates. I was thankful for the opportunity to talk about it because it’s an approach I’m considering for my PhD dissertation. I’ve been interested in doing a grounded theory study since I first encountered Charmaz’s work way back in 2019, when I was still an academic writer.

Grounded Theory is very suitable for PhD endeavors because it starts with no theory. Let’s say you observe a phenomenon—you want to know if a theory can explain what’s happening and how it works. So you study the phenomenon and build a theory from the ground up.

Charmaz’s style comes from a constructivist orientation—which means truth is understood as something built, made, and shared by people within a society. So when you’re doing a constructivist grounded theory study, you have to immerse yourself in the lives of the people whose phenomenon you want to understand.

I want to understand Chinoys more—specifically, I want to explore Chinese-Filipinos’ understanding of their psyche. As a psychologist, I’m naturally drawn to archetypes. I want to know: in Chinoys’ meaning-making of their lives, how do archetypes matter? How do they manifest? What attributes do they attach to the Hero, the Shadow, the Persona, and others?

Would a grounded theory approach help me figure this out, or is there another research design that fits better? I’ve also been considering ethnography—studying Chinoys as an ethnic group, but as a fellow Chinoy embedded in the culture myself.

Suffice it to say, I have many questions for my professors in my PhD classes. Two weeks ago, I brought up my dissertation ideas with one of them, and he asked if I was creating a framework. Framework, hmmm. That tiny word launched a search—and after some digging, I stumbled upon the phrase Design and Development Research. Fascinating!

Tonight, I’ll be meeting with the dean of the graduate school at CEU and my professor in Philosophical Perspectives in Organization. Boy, am I eager to hear his thoughts.

21/10/2025

✨ Why I picked it up
It’s a book by Tracy Chevalier, so why not? I read this one when I was just another stay-at-home mom, finding time to read in between breastfeeding sessions and potty training. It was such a slower time back then, before all this smartphone nonsense. 🍼📖

✨ My insights and how the book helped me
A rich dude commissions an artist to do tapestries—woven art pieces as displays in his home. What opulence! The novel is about how Nicolas, the artist, uses his muses (supposedly the daughter of a master weaver) to finish the job. Well, artists like me and him need to make a living, and because art needs inspiration, we take it where we can.

I met a musician at school last week, and he told me that creatives must master marketing, handling customers, and sales. I agree. I’m also tapping into the Chinoy part of me who wants to be economically strong and healthy. 💪 I’ve also been doing some Shadow work concerning this aspect. Recently, I’ve run into some challenges in and around this area. It has not reached catastrophic levels, but the fears can be so loud in my head.

Anyway, if you’re into slow-reveal plots and medieval European history, I recommend this book. I loved its gentle pacing. 🌸

20/10/2025

Last week I gave another talk for Mental Health Month (October). This time, I was with Global Power Corporation—a company connected with Meralco’s renewables. The office was impressive, the people were warm, and I had a blast telling my stories and sharing insights on how to reduce stress by managing our goals in life. Being an extraverted introvert (an ambivert!) really has its advantages!

I was asked one poignant question during the session: how do you differentiate between genuine self-care and fake self-care? My answer: if it serves your best self then it is deep, true care. We all have many selves. But there’s this best version of ourselves—burrowed somewhere under the psyche. If you’re familiar with your values and your personal mission vision, you’ll be friends with this aspect of yourself.

Today, I’m looking at a full schedule of clients, and I’ll be helping people practice Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) on themselves. I’ll also be doing some essential reading to stay grounded. After that, it’s time to finish a presentation for yet another talk on Monday—this one for my PhD class.

Not exactly WIP writing material, I know, but I’m a different kind of writer—I don’t write fiction. These current activities are the living-it moments of my writing, shaping the other book I’m developing alongside my dissertation.

Now I’m on a roll because I know where I’m heading—serving my best self.
That best self also serves others. 💚

19/10/2025

Most people don’t snap into two in their lifetime. I have—twice. In both instances, I got too thin, refused to eat, went delusional. That’s rich coming from a legit, card-carrying psychotherapist.

This month saw October 10 commemorated as World Mental Health Day. I gave a corporate well-being talk and even posted about it, but I need to say more.

Your mental health matters—it’s something inside you, like hygiene you maintain. And like hygiene, everyone notices when things get nasty. But the upkeep? That’s your responsibility.

Looking back, the anorexia nervosa breakdowns I had were caused by a combo of genetics, wrong beliefs, and a lack of self-love. We can trace it all the way back to, in technical language, adverse childhood experiences. We can call it a symptom of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. We can also call it falling into a hole. Delulu, lost, cray-cray, broken.

Whatever it was, I’m here. Resilient. I’ve bounced back like the devil incarnate—determined never to snap into two again.

So here’s the cheat code, from a therapist and a survivor:

First, exercise. What you do to your body tells your psyche how you care for yourself. Bonus points if this exercise incorporates a breathing technique. Yoga and slow jogging does it for me.

Second, maintain a good diet. I’m no nutrition expert—my checkered past speaks for itself—but there are solid resources out there. (I used to have a nutritionist.)

Third, confide in someone who truly listens and has a nurturing side. (Good luck finding that someone and keeping your end of the bargain.)

Finally, stay away from environments and people who amp up your stress levels.

Life’s just a few decades long. The money, the accolades—they’re not the agony.

That’s it, but of course, we could elaborate on all those points.

A caution on the last point: trauma is everywhere. And in this time and age it is easy to be gaslit, triggered, etc. Building emotional resilience is training. We need that too. Am working on it too! I’m not the most muscular person emotionally, but I go to the gym as often as I am able. When I get bruised, I take time to recover, but I don’t quit. I have an end in mind: Good EQ (emotional intelligence). I might not be born with it, but I can build it.

Just like our bodies, our minds adapt. It’s called neuroplasticity—and it doesn’t end until the day you and I die.

A woman in her forties like me still has a lot to learn. How about you? Tell me if my mental health tips helped today.

18/10/2025

✨ Why I picked it up
The protagonist’s name is Melanie—my namesake (almost)! I don’t, as a rule, read sci-fi, but I made an exception for this one because my husband watched the movie and I missed it. I wanted to enter into an intelligent discussion with him. 💬

✨ My insights and how the book helped me
Cordyceps—the fungus responsible for the zombie outbreak—somehow that word got lodged in my brain. Didn’t the world just experience a pandemic from something similarly mundane in nature? 🌍 It made me think about how much we take for granted the earth beneath our feet—the things that hold us steady, keep us alive.

In this story, Melanie and her teacher, Justineau, had a working routine in their “school.” It was a made-up one, meant to keep the peace. But when all hell broke loose, Melanie’s true, savage nature emerged. 🧠 We all have little monsters inside us. The question is: what awakens them?

17/10/2025

October 10th is World Mental Health Day, and I marked it by giving a mental health talk. What I noticed about myself, though, was that I treated it like just another workday. I didn’t even bother to document the effort—haha! I’m a true-blue Gen Xer who conveniently forgets social media exists. For most of us in this generation, taking pics is such a (necessary) pain. Nakakapagod din mag-flex, anoh?

After the talk, which was in the Mall of Asia Pasay area, I rushed home for a video call with a dear friend. We hadn’t talked properly in years, so getting to reconnect on this particular day felt like a gift. I treasure her, and I treasure my low-key celebration of Mental Health Day—so I showed up.

I was glad I did because the conversation with her reminded me of our twin journeys in self-actualization. We had different paths but we’re both writers and we’ve both made good enough progress considering the time lapse.

That’s how a Filipina psychologist like me spent 10.10.25.

How was your experience? 💚

16/10/2025

Seminal books for me include:
1. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood – Before this became a Netflix series, I already worshipped Atwood’s vivid, hypnotic imaginary world. She fights for oppressed women, and I admire that.

2. Spiritual Pillow Book by Gilda Cordero-Fernando and Mariel N. Francisco – Surprise, surprise! Coming from an atheist, any book with the word “spiritual” on it should be banned, but I read this long before I decided with certainty on my non-religious stance. I love the blend of artwork and intuitive writing flow, and someday I want to learn Gilda’s writing style.

3. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR®) – When I was in my final year in undergrad, I had the pleasure of being acquainted with this text. I bought a copy and fell in love with the descriptions of disorders I hoped to one day treat.

4. Abnormal Psychology Textbook – This one goes so far back I can’t pinpoint who the authors or publishers were, but I remember reading the whole thing one summer while job hunting as a new graduate. I didn’t get a psychology-related job at first, but I did on my second try.

5. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk – This book taught me about psychotrauma and PTSD. It’s been a massive resource for treating both my clients and myself.

6. The Handbook of Chinese Horoscopes by Theodora Lau – Another surprise, since as a non-believer, I’m not supposed to read anything remotely esoteric. But horoscopes make sense to me through the lens of Jung’s collective unconscious (and I am a Jungian psychologist).

7. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert – If there’s a nonfiction book that brought me to awareness about wanting to write nonfiction, this one is it. One day I’ll snag that traditional publishing deal and write a memoir in this style.

8. The Virgin’s Lover by Philippa Gregory – I had a hard time choosing which Philippa Gregory book I loved most, so I stuck with the one written around one of my heroes: the strongwoman Queen Elizabeth I. Actually, I would have put Tracy Chevalier’s The Virgin Blue here in No. 8 too, if I had the space.

9. Room by Emma Donoghue – A story of captivity and triumphant escape. After reading it, I felt that the child in me was liberated too. It showed me what resilience looks like, embodied by a fierce caregiver-mother.

10. Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia by Marya Hornbacher – I’m currently writing my own anorexia memoir, and it’s a long haul. Gotta have some inspiration!

[Credit to and for the original posts/trend idea.]

15/10/2025

One of my core subjects in my PhD Counseling program is called Advanced Methods in Research and Data Analysis.

I must confess, I took this course first because I was daunted—there would be math. And I guessed right. My professor, Dr. Erna Yabut, is a math lover, having a doctorate in the field. So far, she has set me straight with valuable input on my final course requirements. There will surely be more.

This class is about learning how to do your dissertation—a starter pack, if you will. The final output is a fully finished research paper, and some of my classmates have opted to work on the dissertation they’ll eventually use for the completion of their respective PhDs. I say respective PhDs because, being a core subject of graduate school, this class brings together people from different disciplines.

I’ve gotten friendly with Angelo, an Asian Studies dude (teacher); two people doing their PhDs in math (also teachers); a Chinoy guidance counselor named Reiner (teacher and counselor); and a bunch of other PhD aspirants in the same field as mine (most of them teachers, too). Which brings to mind my incantation to the universe: Give me a part-time teaching job! If all of my classmates are doing it, I want a taste too!

I joke among these people that a lot of us are freshmen—using the term I’m familiar with as an 80’s kid. (You recall? Green is for freshmen, yellow for sophomores, blue for juniors, and red for seniors? Those times seem so long ago, and now the names and the colors have bleached out in favor of new demarcations.) Being a freshman (or a newbie) at anything means being full of expectations for oneself. I was scared

I wouldn’t be able to belong, to be one with the other PhD students, but it looks like belong na belong naman ako! This applies to the age aspect too—we’re a mixed group, with some in their late 20s to mid-30s, and some in my same age range (ehem, 40s and 50s).

Our class meets every Monday evening or so, and it can end later than 8 p.m.—but every time I go, I’m stoked. Now, going home is another thing. Mendiola at nighttime is a hard place to get a MoveIt booking. If only that problem could be solved! For now, I’m content adding to my step count by walking all the way to Max’s Malacañang branch to get a ride—and then crashing at home to be welcomed by a warm greeting from Mr. Heger.

For my final requirement, I’m writing something about archetypes X writing therapy. More updates next time. I’ve gotten it into my head to make kwento here about what I’m up to…in layman’s terms.

This essay is also up on my blog: https://melanyheger.com/monday-nights-with-math-phd-journey/

14/10/2025

13/10/2025

✨ Why I picked it up
This is one of the first books I ever read that convinced me of the power of stories—later on fueling my desire to be an author. I found it in my Chinese high school library, one of those dusty, musty books hidden in a dark corner. When I checked the circulation card at the back (yo 80s kids, you know what this is 😄), the last time someone borrowed it was five years ago.

✨ My insights and how the book helped me
Reading this book healed me. I was lonely, and the words helped me cope with that loneliness. Did you know this actually makes scientific sense? Reading means getting into the skin of the characters you’re reading about—empathy gets felt. I related most with Mary and then with Colin Craven. He healed his body by healing his mind. 🌿

The garden itself, long neglected and presumed dead then resurrected by love, is A-grade Jungian material. After finishing this book, I felt hope for myself. I was able to fantasize and dream about a life not bullied in high school, a life far away where the climate is kind, there are fewer worries, and something is blooming in my life again. 💖