Melany Heger Author and Psychologist

27/04/2026

| Psychologist and Author Jinjin Melany Heger advocates for mental health awareness

Melany Heger 蔡純恩 () is a registered psychologist, author, and mental health advocate who works to break the silence on emotional well-being in the Chinoy community through therapy and writing.

She describes herself as an “ordinary person” balancing life as a mother, therapist, and writer, yet embraces the identity of a “Wounded Healer,” using her own lived experiences to guide and support others.

Her journey includes overcoming anorexia nervosa as a teenager and learning to heal largely through self-help, shaping her passion for mental health advocacy today.

For her, identity is rooted in both heritage and growth. “Chinese by blood, Filipino by heart” reflects her life as someone shaped by Chinese roots and Filipino culture. 🌱

Now a mother and therapist, she continues writing books on Chinoy and Filipino mental health, driven by her belief in resilience, authenticity, and urgency in creating impact.

Get to know more about her inspiring journey here in this post!

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25/04/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author
📖 The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney

Being introverted does not mean falling into the perils of social anxiety. For a few years, I mistook being socially awkward as part and parcel of my introversion.

Actually, if you go back to the original theory, Carl Jung (who pioneered this concept) explains that introversion is not about social ability, but about orientation of energy—how one recharges and where attention naturally goes. In this book,

The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney explains the details well.

If you have been following my posts, you would have noticed that I’ve taken a deep dive into Jungian cognitive typology. As a result, I learned what the dominant, auxiliary, tertiary, and inferior functions are. I then discovered that even as an introvert, I still have an extraverted side. The two poles balance each other. In fact, one of Jung’s key ideas is that you cannot be fully introverted in both decision-making (judging functions) and data gathering (perceiving functions). One must compensate for the other.

Laney’s book is valuable because it gave me three practical tips on balancing my primary preference: introversion. She offers a simple but very useful “3 P’s” strategy to optimize life.

She wrote about Personal Pacing, Priorities, and Parameters (healthy boundaries). I could not agree more.

These three are especially beneficial in a world that is largely extroverted and constantly pushing a go-go-go pace.

So, are you pacing yourself well today, fellow introvert? Do you know your personal priorities? Are you working on honoring your personal boundaries?
Let me know in the comments.

23/04/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author
📖 Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

I’m in my mid-40s. At this stage of life I do not tolerate bull**** anymore.

Goleman explains that we have a rational mind and an emotional mind. He is referring to our brain structures, the limbic cortex and the prefrontal cortex, respectively.

In emotional situations, our limbic brain, our animal self, can take over.

I have perimenopausal rage because my threshold for emotional regulation is lower, while my physiological reactivity is higher.

The fight-or-flight response kicks in suddenly at times with the smallest, infinitesimal trigger. I can’t help my hormonal levels fluctuating.

But I can slow down my breathing and slow down my rapid-fire thoughts.

Re-reading Goleman’s book taught me yet again that self-awareness goes a long way when you’re pi**ed for no reason, and you just want to lash out against the world.

And my, my, there’s plenty to be mad about.

Yesterday, I had a client who had anger issues. She’s also middle aged; and when she’s angry she goes into beast mode. One of the consequences of that is her teenage kid fights back with the same verbal brutality.

This is the year of the Fire Horse. I should not fight fire with fire. Instead, I can follow what Goleman said about managing my emotions.

It’s necessary. I want my many selves (the many aspects of me who can sometimes be at odds with each other) to be on board with my Big Goals in life.

To achieve that, I need to practice compassion—self-compassion, specifically. If I can extend empathy and gentleness toward my clients, then I can learn to turn that same light toward myself.

Lack of sleep, eye strain, and sensory overload are all part of what I’m dealing with in this tetchy transition toward menopause.

I am learning to ask others to adjust to my limited capacity—for instance, when I need to leave class early.

Doing so is a key part of developing my social skills: being assertive without silencing myself, while remaining cooperative and respectful.

21/04/2026

The news says there are 45 days of fuel left for the Philippines, how do I survive mentally as a psychologist?

It may feel like the end of life as we know it. I feel the dread, and it seems pointless to go on. Why, when in the end, it does not matter?

The fact is, we don’t really know.

We tend to overestimate threats encountered in the real world.
At the same time, we underestimate our capacities, our resources, and other people.

Yesterday, my MoveIt driver, who I knows only earns peanuts now because of the gas prices told me,

“Makakaraos din tayo.”

He dropped me off at home after my most likely last face-to-face class in grad school for this semester.

But I clutched at his words like they were a precious gem in my hand. I could even visualize it, a big, red, bold ruby. The literature says ruby protects its bearers from harm, and oh, do we all need that.

This visualization is connected to my insight a few days ago.

I am a little ant in all of this. I am insignificant, a nobody, and nothing I do really matters.

Since I’m an atheist, so I don’t believe in gods or any higher power.

But I believe there are things beyond my control, the figurative gods that be.

They’re gods because of their power—they move mountains, cause wars and make peace talks, block oil tankers from passing and unblock them.

“Reality is God,” I read in a book (I forgot the title and the author already.)

And yes, it is. I can’t push back against it, it can feel powerless and hopeless, tyrannical even.

But reality can also be kind and generous as well as ruthless and insensitive.

I do not know the answer. You don’t know the answer. Nobody the answer.

In in situations like that, what do we do?

Live. One day at a time.

Because what if my worse-case scenario brain is wrong?

What if, in my powerlessness and meaninglessness and smallness something good or neutral will happen?

“As above, so below,” so says the alchemical maxim.

These days I am catching sight of my good parts and mid parts more than my rotten, undesirable parts. (Correction: unacknowledged unintegrated parts, because I tend to self-denigrate).

In doing so, I am cultivating this sense of hope. Like the gem of a saying the MoveIt driver left me.

“Makakaraos din tayo.”

I will survive. I gave birth twice. I lived through COVID. I resurrected my career in my 40s.

I will survive, and also, we will survive. Because together, we are stronger. And yes, though I don’t believe in god, I believe in other people.

I believe in their goodness just as I believe in mine. I get in now, because I am seeing
myself in a better light.

To encourage that light to shine, I will do the best I can for the next forty-five days and beyond. But I will not overthink after that. Neither will I blithely ignore the wolf at my door. Prepare but not overprepare. Be responsive, live day to day, enjoy it while it lasts, YOLO but be moderate, something like that.

Because what is there to do, we don’t have a choice, don’t we?

I will accept reality with dignity and go to the grocery today. Check the prices and buy the yogurt, the meat, the noodles. Tomorrow is another day.

18/04/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author
📖 The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson

I first encountered the concept of the relaxation response while writing my master’s thesis. At that time, I was experimenting with yoga as an intervention to help aggressive teenagers to be calmer.

I sourced a primary tenet of my research from the updated version of Herbert Benson's book (published in 2000). According to what I’ve read, when we feel threatened, our bodies elicit the fight-or-flight response. The relaxation response is its direct physiological opposite. While modern research has expanded the list to fight-flight-freeze-or-fawn, the power of the relaxation response still holds true.

Fast forward to my practice today: the relaxation response is central to the grounding techniques I teach. Yesterday, while counseling a young adult with panic disorder, I advocated for this response by teaching her lengthened exhalations and diaphragmatic (deep belly) breathing.

I tell my psychotherapy clients: Learn it. Activate your parasympathetic nervous system to counter your overactive sympathetic nervous system, and you are on the path to mastering emotional regulation.

A few days ago, I also worked who was overtly bold and highly extroverted. The imbalance common among extroverts is the habit of seeking the external environment to unwind. He was uncomfortable with the idea of internal dialogue or introspection. And while there are certainly extroverted ways to induce the relaxation response, I challenged him: Go inside yourself. Find the imperturbability, the rock within.

In these times, this internal skill is essential. I am grateful to have found this work early in my life, and equally pleased to share its benefits with my clients.

16/04/2026

I’ve been having Jungian dreams lately. It’s become a series—one that presents a set of characters, most prominent of all the Mother in her different aspects, ages, and stages.

This illustration shows the Mother, the Maiden, and the Crone. They are three expressions of feminine energy embodied across the lifespan.
In therapy, I often tell my clients: we have many selves. To understand this process of Jungian integration more deeply, I’ve been reading on dream analysis as well. One other thing: ChatGPT can help with the analysis. In my experience, it gets about 80% of the symbolic pattern right. Pwede na as working tool.

This image, too, was generated by the bot—with some prodding from me. Good enough na rin.

Meanwhile, as I dream my dreams, I’ve decided to be patient and let the meanings surface in their own time.

This year, 2026, one of my resolutions is to apologize less and step into what I’d call normal entitlement. I’ve been inhibited for as long as I can remember, with anorexia as a past pathological expression of that inhibition. I don’t want to fall into that hole again.

So now, I’m working toward becoming whole (wordplay intended).

Integration—all my selves at the table—negotiating, listening, and finding a way to work together. This is tantalizing self-work.

How about you—how’s March treating you so far? Are you also actively alchemizing your feminine energy?

14/04/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author
📖 Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray

Thirty-four years after this book was published, I still use its core insights to guide me in couples therapy. 🌟

For instance, I recently saw a couple whose conflict came from warring communication styles. The man had anger issues and tended to obscure what was really going on inside him. The tension would build up quietly until it erupted. The woman, on the other hand, was coping relatively well but was confused about where the relationship was going.

In another recent session, the man was dealing with heavy work problems while the woman was processing grief from a recent loss. They came to therapy because they felt stuck and uncertain about the future of their relationship. Do they move forward together, and if so, what would that look like? 💬

This is where John Gray’s ideas still hold practical value. Gray proposes that when men are under stress, they often retreat into a mental “cave” to deal with problems alone, while women tend to process stress relationally by talking and connecting. As a therapist, when men describe emotional shutdown, I often suggest that their female partner allow the man space to withdraw and stabilize. “Woman, go emotionally regulate before you re-engage!”

Another relevant point from the book is that men and women often have different core emotional needs. Men tend to be motivated by feeling trusted and accepted, while women need to feel supported and emotionally held. Because of this dynamic, I sometimes recommend individual therapy work for either one or both partners, especially when I see recent major stressors. They deserve their own support systems rather than burdening each other too much when what they really need is a therapist, not a lover. 📝

One last thing about men and anger. In both clients, I noticed that the men relied heavily on their usual strategy of solving problems through action. When that strategy fails, the frustration often spills out as anger. Men tend to be more affected by career problems because they feel they have lost power and control over their situation. With individual therapy, such as Compassion-Focused Therapy, a man can learn emotional regulation, reflect, heal, and eventually return to engage with his partner refreshed and with better perspective.

Proud that I am applying these principles. Even if old school—still good, still applicable.

11/04/2026

09/04/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author
📖 My Mad Dad by Robyn Hollingsworth

It’s taken me an inordinately long time to review this book. Unlike Robyn, the author of this memoir, I did not have the privilege of a loving father raising me. My “mad dad” was “mad” in a different way. Not to speak ill of the dead—let’s just say he had his shortcomings as a parent.

Truth be told, a warm and loving father figure is an alien concept to me. Robin’s reflections show me how life could have been different if my dad had not been the man he was. On the other hand, having your dad lose his mind due to Alzheimer’s disease and then taking care of him in his final days is no walk in the park either. 🏞️

07/04/2026

A client of mine introduced me to Jillz Guerin’s entertaining channel on YouTube. In it, she talks at length about cultivating feminine energy. I am a Jungian in practice—adhering to Carl Jung’s philosophy in both my clinical work and personal life. Seeing the anima, which Jung describes as the feminine aspect of the psyche, embodied in such a concrete example—in the form of this beautiful woman—astounded me.

Jillz’ appearance is aesthetically pleasing, yes, but it’s more than that. The set of her videos radiates softness, ease, and pleasure. All the things feminine energy is said to represent.

I was raised to hate my own femininity. I am the firstborn daughter of a traditional Chinoy man who badly wanted a firstborn son. He got me instead. When he saw that I had a slit instead of a pototoy, he walked out on me and my mom—only to return sheepishly a few days later to the hospital, begrudgingly present for my mother. The hatred of the female body, and of the feminine, nurturing force inside me, started there.

It’s been 45 years living in this body. Now that perimenopause is exerting its force, the fact that I am a woman is potently undeniable. At the same time, my definition of being womanly is changing. It is no longer tied purely to sexual function. It is now more about being caring and nurturing—especially toward myself—as I gradually age and enter the Wise Old Sisterhood.

I am eager to shed this skin: the version of myself constantly subject to the male gaze.

The photo here shows all the Feng Shui prosperity bracelets my spouse and I get personally made every year, starting in 2022. Jokingly, we refer to our visits to Johnson, our Feng Shui master in Binondo, as marital counseling. It’s one of our hardiest bonding rituals. He always buys me my personalized bracelets, then helps himself to a hefty protection-pouch package.

All overpriced, but all in good fun. The act of consulting the expert and having the bracelets done are in the spirit of reciprocating feminine energy—which, for me, is about allowing good fortune, comfort, and happiness to seep in rather than forcing them to arrive.

Let it flow. Don’t resist. May this Year of the Fire Horse come marching in with abundance.

04/04/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author
📖 Us by David Nicholls

They broke up in the end! 💔 Though I was secretly rooting for a reconciliation, the protagonist, Douglas, is now forced to rediscover himself outside of his marriage.

The narrative feels distinctly Western. As a Chinoy, I find this perspective somewhat alien; it favors the individual’s independence over the preservation of family harmony. In my cultural framework, the collective unit usually carries more weight than the self.

Yet, as a therapist, I am trained to support the growth and autonomy of the individual. From that professional lens, I fully support Douglas as he navigates his transition back into singlehood. It would be a completely different case, however, if I were working with a middle-aged Asian man whose wife left—not because of an affair, but simply to pursue her own "self-growth" and happiness.

I can appreciate both motivations and hold both perspectives. But the rising trend of "gray divorce" feels like a shift that is only truly accessible if you adopt the values of the Global North. 💬