29/12/2025
𝙎𝙝𝙚 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚
I want to end my 2025 with no regrets in my heart.
Yung mga oportunidad at pagkakataong hindi ko tinapangan noon—I choose to let them perish. Not with bitterness, but with honor. I acknowledge them, I thank them, and then I let them go. Hindi lahat ng hindi natin pinili ay pagkukulang; minsan, iyon ay proteksyon.
Kasama rito ang walong university choices na minsan kong pinanghawakan bilang pangarap—including UST BS Biology and UPM Nursing. Mga kursong minsan kong inakalang doon ako magiging buo, doon ako magiging “successful.” Today, I finally admit: I had to let them go. Not because they weren’t good, but because they were no longer good for me.
Kasama ko ring binitiwan ang mga titulong minsan kong inakala na magpapatunay ng halaga ko—
the love and approval of the chairwoman, at ang pangarap na magna cm laude. Hindi dahil hindi ko sila ginusto, kundi dahil natutunan kong hindi dapat isugal ang sarili ko para lang maging karapat-dapat sa mata ng iba. Achievement should never cost my sanity, my body, or my soul.
At higit sa lahat, naglet go ako ng mga taong sobrang kong pinahalagahan.
Sila yung mga naging mahalagang bahagi ng buhay ko, pero sa kasamaang palad, nasaktan ko sila. Sobrang nagsisi ako dahil doon—hindi dahil gusto kong saktan sila, kundi dahil hindi ko na alam kung paano ayusin ang sarili ko para hindi masaktan ang iba.
Natutunan kong minsan, ang pinakamalaking pagmamahal ay ang bitawan, kahit masakit.
Tinatanggap ko na—hindi na ako yung dating ako.
I am no longer that bright student, that naturally academically smart person who could excel without resting. Hindi na rin ako yung physically at mentally fit na kayang gawin ang lahat sabay-sabay. And that’s not a failure—it’s a reality shaped by my condition, my limits, and my healing.
This year taught me that growth doesn’t always look like becoming more.
Minsan, it looks like becoming honest. Honest enough to admit that there are dreams I can no longer carry—not because I’m weak, but because they were never meant for me to finish. Yung mga pangarap ko para sa iba, pinipili ko nang bitawan. Hindi dahil wala na akong pakialam, kundi dahil natutunan kong unahin ang sarili ko.
2025 taught me the courage to be free.
Mapalaya mula sa expectations na hindi naman talaga akin. Lumaya mula sa version ng sarili ko na pinipilit kong buuin kahit wasak na ako sa loob. Ngayon, ibang ako na ang binubuo ko—mas tahimik, mas totoo, mas may hangganan, pero mas buo.
I am grieving who I used to be,
but I am also welcoming who I am becoming.
And maybe this is what healing looks like—
not going back to who I was,
but finally choosing who I need to be.
