26/08/2025
People Pleasing: A Trauma Response
Did you know that people pleasing is a trauma response?
Yes, apart from Fight, Flight, Freeze response, there is a 4th F— Fawning.
It is a coping mechanism that people who have experienced complex especially from childhood, utilize in order to avoid conflict to appease their abusers, or anyone who is a source of their distress, as a way to keep themselves safe.
Later in adulthood, this way of coping may most likely manifest in people- pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict:
- Becoming a pushover and not having your own thoughts…
- Letting people walk all over you and not making your own decisions…
- Agreeing to everything even though it’s pushing your boundaries(difficulty saying “no”)…
- Staying in relationships despite toxicity …
…and many other behavioral manifestations that allow others to undermine, disregard, and disrespect your own personal identity and self-worth, which make it difficult for you to form long-lasting and meaningful connections.
It’s not because you’re just that way, it’s because your brain is trying to protect you in the best way it learned how—it’s how you’ve learned to survive all those years of abuse and manipulations.
So how do you get out of it all, where do you begin?
It’s important to identify and understand your trauma response so you can begin your journey to healing, at your own pace and in your own terms.
A great place to start is to connect with your sense of self—spend some time alone…
- practice mindfulness
- journal your thoughts
- listen to uplifting music that inspires and feeds the soul
- immerse yourself in a good book
- dance
- do yoga
- go on a quiet morning or early evening walk
- spend some solitude gardening
- paint
- write poetry
- watch the sunrise or sunset…doing even just one of these suggestions each day for a week will lift your mood and help you reconnect with yourself.
It is helping your brain connect with your body, teaching it a new way to survive.
It’s not easy…but it’s doable.
You have already surpassed many difficulties to get yourself to where you are at now.
You are stronger and braver than what those people who hurt you have led you to believe.
Peace and love ❤️
- Apple 🍎