28/06/2019
Story shared by James..
To be honest, I have no idea why I'm posting this, maybe because I've been through a lot lately that I was able to surpass with courage and acceptance, now that I'm feeling better I want you guys to hear my story.. simply just to give hope to those who are hopeless because of what we guys are going through.
Time travel, way back in August 2012 I met this guy, lalaking nagpatibok sa pihikang puso ko and we live happy together, we had our regular hiv screening every 3 months. Always NON REACTIVE (loyal kasi kami sa isa't isa hahaha). Our last screening together was in September of 2015, still NON REACTIVE.
Unfortunately, due to unexpected circumstances we decided to seperate ways November of 2015 and had my HIV test alone December of 2015, still NON REACTIVE. My mom also past away December 25, of 2015 and everything just turned up sidedown for me.
My world collapsed and since then I've been through different casual meet ups, as in kung kani kanino, everyday. Thanks to Grindr and Wechat! But mostly with condom of course. Sympre GGSS ako that time eh. I said to myself "No partner for now, maglalandi muna ako.".
Around February of 2016 I met this guy somewhere in Mandaluyong, straight from my office, sinundo nya ko. Naka car sya, sosyal, bes! He said he's a lawyer living alone blah blah blah in short. We had s*x after we had a couple of drinks. Super lasing ako that time. He offered me to stay a couple more hours sa unit nya. Then someone came, he said.. Ok, lang daw ba magpa inject sya ng pampalibog from his friend na galing Thailand. I said YES choice mo naman yun. We had a conversation and he asked me to try it. I was hesitant at first pero napapayag nya ko. They used a syringe to inject that THING on my veins and I'm not sure if they used the same syringe or what not. Boom! We had a th*****me and guess what we also had UNSAFE and UNPROTECTED S*X .YES, i didn't know na ganun pala effect nya but after few days hindi pa rin ako makatulog. There's totally something wrong so I messaged him and he admitted that it was not just a pampalibog but a drug itself. I was shocked! We argued through text and I decided to moved on and let him go. I made myself busy sa maraming bagay, trabaho, travel etc. just to forget that incident.
JUNE of 2016 during my friend transpageant event near our Brgy. I decided to have myself tested on a community based screening and guess what? Nag POSITIVE ako sa HIV, mga Bes. Hindi ko alam gagawin ko, gusto ko magpakain sa lupa. Nanghina ako at nanlumo.
I went back to treatment hub near our brgy and they asked me to do the baseline test and other laboratories while waiting for my confirmatory from San Lazaro. I said to myself, "Malakas pa naman ako, gastos lang yan, mas marami akong dapat unahin." In short, hindi pa ko agad nag ARV treatment.
Since then hindi na ko naging active sa s*x at nawalan na ko ng gana makipag date and all, moral and social responsibility in other words. Nag focus ako sa career ko, pero on the other hand hindi pa rin naging healthy yung life style ko dahil madalas akong puyat, stress sa trabaho, yosi dito at alak kung saan saan.
Fast forward, November 2018 nag resign ako sa work dahil sabi ko gusto ko magpahinga. December 2018 nagsimula ako magkalagnat non stop for almost 2 weeks, nawalan ako ng gana kumain, namayat, bumagsak katawan ko and all. Nagpa check up ako sa hospital and the doctor talked to me in private that they noticed na there's something wrong with my CBC result. I decided to open up my status and said that I'm an HIV Positive pero hindi pa ko nag sisimula mag treatment. They asked me na bumalik sa hub para makapag start na ko ng gamutan ko.
Laboratories everywhere, we found out that I have TB , pulmonary infections, pneumonia, and anemia. My CD4 was 9. Buti nalang clear ako sa eye infections. If not, halos ma take all ko na lahat. Nag start na ko mag arv treatment but I still have my Oral Candidiasis na bumaba na sa esophagus ko kaya hindi na ko makakain and even pag inom ng tubig parang nilalaslas yung lalamunan ko. 10 araw akong walang kain and everytime na umiinom ako ng ARV naiiyak ako at nagdarasal. Kinausap ko rin both my parents na nasa heaven na ready na ko at handa na kong mamatay. Halos sumuko na ko. Nagmamakaawa saken mga kapatid ko at pamangkin ko na lumaban daw ako.
Another day have passed and I realized ayoko na ganito nalang matapos lahat lahat saken, that's the time na nagpa admit ako sa San Lazaro Hospital. Thankful ako sa lahat lahat ng taong tumulong saken, kaibigan, dating ka klase, ka trabaho, kamag anak and even total strangers. After 10 days na discharged ako. Parang ayaw ko na nga lumabas sa hospital dahil halos lahat ng pasyente sa ward nakilala ko na at parang naging kapamilya ko na.
Bakit ko lahat to sinasabi? Siguro para maging aral sa nakararami na mag isip ng tama at huwag magpapadala sa bugso ng damdamin at higit sa lahat mahalin naten ang ating mga kalusugan, maging mas matatag sa lahat ng tukso at huwag makakalimot sa itaas.
Kaya sa mga bagong kapatid , wag tayo mawawalan ng pag asa, bagkus maging aral ito sa aten na mas mahalin naten hindi lang ating mga sarili kundi pati ang mga taong nagmamahal sa atin.
- James, 30 years old, Caloocan City
