12/09/2025
When my friend came over to .breath.rest for a massage (because long hours of editing are a photographer’s back’s worst nightmare 🤍), I remembered his name is still saved in my phone as “Alonso arch back pop hip chest out.”
After my crash course with I finally understood the power of flattering angles, poses, and using your body to create art in photography… but I still cannot yet bring myself to do a shoot 📸 . So it’s just candid golden-hour snaps of me, FaceTiming my kids. 🌞 I’m much happier having rolls and wrinkles and slumped shoulders than daring to put in effort to curate outcome.
I’ll be practicing though. Because the hardest work isn’t the stretch, the arch, or the lens—it’s softening into the shame. Not the shame of taking up space, but the deeper shame of daring to feel embarrassed to believe I’m worthy of claiming it. My adult self knows better and isn’t as self deprecating but my felt sensation hasn’t caught up yet.
And slowly, with friends who hold space, with dance and breath that reminds me I’m simply alive, sensory joys like giving Janzu water massage, drinking turmeric kombucha, embarrassing myself by being level 0 guitar 🐌 because everyone starts 0, and with little faces smiling back at me on the screen—looking embodied with myself is starting to feel less like a battle and more like a responsibility. ✨ I share this because I see so many people who congratulate me on my “body transformation” or tell me they are training to try to attain a body like that I have. But how you feel when you look in the mirror, or when in front of the camera has little to do with muscles, aside from the muscles of your heart. 🫀And everything to do what the child version of you learnt was safe, which is why I sing with both my kids in front of the mirror and we take time to affirm “I love my Body. I Love my Skin. I am a God/dess, I am a Queen (King). 👑 “