17/06/2022
Sidra Bilqees.
Newly Graduate, Khyber Medical College.
Top Position KMU (uptil now)
"Shukar"
"Alhamdulillah ".....
single word that can summarize my feelings at this time.
My name is Dr. Sidra Balqees. I'm the fourth daughter of my family....I still remember the day ....the day my father left us....I heard a voice ...."Afsos ....koi nam lenay wala nai raha" .....and so many statements throughout my life....
those words never ever left me alone....
But today I want to say....
I'm a proud daughter of Rab Nawaz Khan who left world seven years ago..but still breathing inside me.
I'm a daughter of a very strong woman "Balqees Akhtar" who faced worst circumstances and challenges for her children,who performed all the responsibilities of a father and mother at the same time after my father's demise.
I'm a very ordinary person but the One who owns the whole world,the One who listens all the prayers never left me alone....He is the real One behind this success...
Shukr Alhamdulillah .......................................................
13th April 2015
8:am
I was standing in front of my father.... looked at the calendar....Abu aj jaldi ayee ga.....He nodded his head positively and I was satisfied..he will come back bit earlier and then we will make birthday plan.....
13th April
10:am
I received a call ...
Abu nai rahay....
a shock.... uncertainty..... extreme pain...
he came back much earlier than daily routine but not by himself.... ..... he left us forever...
the person who used to say..."Hukam"....who never said "no"..... stopped responding me all at once....it was hard to accept....hard to face....I left everything...
I had my board exam of first year pre_medical on 27th of April....13 days after his death....
I still remember the words my mother said...."I have lost everything....you are the only hope I have left with ...look at me...."
I solved all my papers with trembling hands.....
Got admission in KMC...
Every year when I was promoted to next class....I missed him... whenever I saw my uniform I missed his appreciation.... whenever I looked at my student card...at every single stage, I looked at all faces in the crowd...he might be somewhere...but I couldn't find him.....
19th Feb 2022
Was that easy?....no....the last person who was a glimpse of my father.....my uncle......left the world..left me...8 days before my final year exams....I complained...I cried.....and there was one word on that day....why me? Why me my God?....I had no other door Allah...why you have closed even that.....no light left behind for me....who will guide me.....who will ask about me...."kun.... main kun."that was the single question I asked that day multiple times... extreme pain took all my senses... people around me in my hostel room ..were consoling me...but everything faded behind those tears....even sedatives stopped acting on me .....amaa was calling....my sister was calling....I lost my senses...I thought that was the end....end of everything.....there was darkness all around....
I was sitting near my uncle's grave.... hot sunny day....why did you left me....apko to pta tha na phir kun.... pehlay Abu ab ap..........there was a silence....deep silence.....I came back....and the only thing I heard that day....someone was consoling me and the words were....tmhain top krna hai in ka nam roshan krna hai...
My mother sent me back to hostel....with a hope....I have nothing left behind except you....this is not mere an exam...it's the end of long tireless journey....go back....
Exams .....cold nights..... sore throat.....mental trauma.....for whole 2 months....I was like a person all alone in hot desert....cold merciless winter.....all alone beneath the sky....I can't even count how many times I cried after locking door...how many times I missed that single call...my uncle used to call me daily....and I left everything....i stopped sharing pain, sharing words.....I was like a robot walking vegetatively, breathing like a living corpse...I still remember those cold nights.... can't forget those painful moments.
And then on the day of last paper....after solving it ... just before I handed it over to examiner I opened my hands....looked at the sky....closed another chapter....came out of examination hall..... mustering up all the courage..... beacuse there was still a long way to go....
13th April...
The day of last viva ,I ended my viva...got excellent remarks....and came out of the ward with a single thought in my mind....it has been seven years Abu..13th April....it was my father's death anniversary....
I came back...tried to sleep ...but couldn't....I was crying...for a long time...I was talking to my father...my Allah...and how long ....I have no idea.....
It's 18th June 2022
Friday
3:40 pm
I'm sitting on jay namaz... sobbing silently....
I am missing those who left me alone....
I can't wait more to meet them...
waiting for the moment when my father will kiss my forehead and will congratule me....will announce proudly...."Mera sher beta aya hai mjh say milnay"....
But at the same time I'm grateful Allah....when everyone left me you were besides me....when I stopped sharing pain...you consoled me....you opened the doors...you made the way...you were inside me....much closer to my heart...and I gradually started sharing my pain with you.....and finally I'm happy, at least you will convey to my father, my uncle.....Sidra did well...she worked hard....she tried her best to give her hundred percent.....and she will try her best to be a proud daughter in future too.... until the day she meet you....
In Shaaa
