02/10/2021
โ๐๐ฎ๐ญ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐ข๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญโ ๐๐จ๐๐ฌ๐งโ๐ญ ๐ฆ๐๐๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐ก. ๐๐ญ ๐ฆ๐๐๐ง๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ซ๐๐๐จ๐ ๐ง๐ข๐ฌ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐๐ง๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ข๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐จ๐ซ ๐๐๐ฉ๐ซ๐ข๐จ๐ซ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐ฌ๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ฑ๐ฉ๐๐๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ก๐๐ฏ๐ ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐๐ญ.
One of the fears people considering improving their self-esteem and boundaries struggle with is about being โselfishโ. Theyโre so not used to taking care of their own needs, expectations, desires, feelings and opinions (rather than expecting others to do so), and they worry that others wonโt manage or will feel neglected.
Selfishness is about lack of consideration for others. It has nothing to do with healthy self-esteem and healthy boundaries.
๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ก๐ฎ๐ฆ๐๐ง ๐ก๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ข๐ซ ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐ก ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ, ๐๐ฎ๐ญ ๐๐จ๐งโ๐ญ ๐๐จ๐ง๐๐ฅ๐๐ญ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐-๐๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐๐ฆ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ก๐๐๐ฅ๐ญ๐ก๐ฒ ๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐๐ซ๐ข๐๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐๐ข๐ฌ๐ก๐ง๐๐ฌ๐ฌ.
๐When you have healthy self-esteem and boundaries, you can co-exist with people. When you try to rule others in order to get what you want, that is selfishness.
๐When we base our expectations or entitlement about what we feel others should do on what we feel that weโve been and done, there is an element of selfishness in there.
๐If weโre in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, and we only or mainly consider our own feelings, opinions, needs, etc., and expect things to be done our way and on our terms, thatโs selfishness.
๐If we expect people to change because we feel that who they are is โwrongโ, this has an element of selfishness. Our expectations are based on our ideals around an imagined person, not who they actually are. Weโre not respecting the truth of who they are.
๐If we operate as if only our boundaries matter, this is selfishness. Healthy boundaries respect us and others.
๐If we focus on what we need, want, or expect without thought for the consequences on others, that is selfish.
If you have negative associations with self-care, as in literally, taking care of you in the day-to-day of your journey that is life, itโs important to note that improving self-esteem and having healthy boundaries is not a selfish pursuit.
Donโt get things twisted. There are plenty of people out there who do things for others and also take care of themselves.
Itโs not because they deprioritise their needs, desires, expectations, feelings and opinions, though. Instead, they remember that they have to take care of themselves and know their limits so that they can do what they set out to do.